an imagined conversation

[Minnesota Twins General Manager Bill Smith is sitting at his desk, staring blankly at his computer screen. We hear a knock at the door.]

Smith: It\’s open.

[Twins Manager Ron Gardenhire enters, hat in hand.]

Gardenhire: Can we chat, Bill?

[Gardenhire sits]

Smith: Sure. You know, Ron, I don\’t quite understand why the league is making us pour so much revenue into I think it\’s too soon, you know? I mean, who\’s to say that this \”internet\” thing is really going to stick. Anyway, enough of my hot air. What can I do you for?

Gardenhire: Well, Bill, it\’s like this. Rick Anderson and I have been talking, and we\’re legitimately concerned about our bullpen. I know we weren\’t expected to contend this year, but we\’ve got a really good chance to win the Central, if not get the Wild Card. We\’re outperforming in a lot of areas, but our relievers seem to be our achilles\’ heel.

Smith: Oh, I\’m not so sure, Ron. I think you might be jumping to conclusions. Our \’pen must be doing well if you feel like you can demote a quality guy like Brian Bass back to AAA. Say, have you been reading these headlines in the Strib lately? The ones that are talking about a downturn in the economy? Can you believe these socialists? I can see no evidence of things going badly in the global economy. Why don\’t they wait until they have some legitimate evidence, versus just making things up?

Gardenhire: Er. Well, Bill, that\’s not really for me to say. I\’m wondering if we could get back to relievers. Now, I realize we passed on a couple of guys who cleared waivers– Chad Bradford and Al Reyes– who, while not world-beaters, might\’ve given us at least another warm body so we wouldn\’t need to rely so heavily on Boof and Breslow out there, and maybe given Crain and Guerrier a little relief. So I\’m wondering if–

Smith: [interrupts] And another thing: what\’s the fascination with all of these TV programs that have no scripts? I don\’t think they have the staying power of your Kate and Allie, your Barney Miller, your Three\’s A Crowd. I just don\’t see this kind of setup having any sort of staying power.

Gardenhire: [blinks] Bill? Are you feeling ok?

Smith: Sure, sure, Ron. What can I do you for?

Gardenhire: [pauses] [sighs] Bill, Andy and I were wondering if you\’d reconsider taking a look at the relievers who\’ve cleared waivers this month and making a move. Our young starters have looked great, but, at some point, they\’re going to run out of gas and we\’ll need to lean on the \’pen even more than we are today. Now, the market is pretty slim, but if you look at a guy like David Weathers, or–

Smith: [interrupts] Why do people insist on saying that Amy Winehouse has a drug problem! Why would you even think that were the case? There\’s nothing that anyone can point to that would imply..

[Gardenhire slowly backs out and closes the door.]







4 responses to “an imagined conversation”

  1. alex Avatar

    Apparently posts like these get results. Well, it could be considered a result. Although I do suddenly regret the lost potential of buying a Twins jersey with the name Hamburger on the back…

  2. wadE Avatar

    I think the Eddie pickup highlights exactly what Wade’s getting at…
    Smith: Wasn’t it just a couple years ago that Guardado picked up 41 and 45 saves for us? We gotta get that guy back! Big Bill needs a calzone!!!

  3. alex Avatar

    Look at it that way if you like, but the Twins aren’t asking Eddie to close, and his 3.65 ERA/1.11 WHIP are better than Bass’s 4.87/1.55.

  4. anderswa Avatar

    gleeman notes that eddie’s performance thus far is likely to falter some once fly balls start leaving the park at the league norm. that said, i’m much happier to see eddie out there than non-teriffic bass.

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