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Regarding Auto-Flush

Dear toilet that auto-flushes in the staff bathroom,

I didn\’t realize it was possible to be quite so annoyed at an inanimate object as I am frequently, repeatedly, with you. This morning while conducting the final phase of my coffee conversion to liquid waste, you flushed no fewer than four distinct times. Hello?! I was standing right there!

To be fair, it\’s not really you personally, it\’s what you stand for, you\’re a symbol of a nation so coddled that it doesn\’t even feel as though it should have to undertake the laborious work of flushing. It would help, though, if you managed to work properly once in a while, and adhere to the unwritten rule of \”one flush per contestant\”.

So I\’m sad to say it\’s come to this. From now on I\’ll be exclusively visiting your cousin next door. The amicable fellow with the pushable handle.

Sincerely,
Alex

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3 responses to “Regarding Auto-Flush”

  1. wadE Avatar
    wadE

    Point-Counterpoint:
    Alex you ignorant slut…. Actually I’m a big fan of the auto flush. One, no touching of the handle. Two, no approaching a urinal filled with someone else’s waste. It’s bad enough when you are taking care of business and a little splashes back on you… it’s infinitely worse when that little splash is someone else’s pee. However, I will agree that a contantly flushing urinal is very bad… definitely increases that chance of splashing.

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  2. alex Avatar
    alex

    wadE, if you touch a keyboard every day, and especially if you touch someone else’s keyboard, you’re touching worse than a toilet (let alone a toilet *handle*), so point number one doesn’t hold much weight with me. Not to mention that for most toilets (but not urinals, I’ll concede) you could use your foot. The splashing is a valid concern, but you could flush twice (once for someone else first) and it’d still be a one flush per contestant ratio, and then your risk of splashing is reduced to normal levels. Now, I may be ignorant and a slut, but … what was that third thing you called me?

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  3. Explosive Bombchelle Avatar
    Explosive Bombchelle

    Try dealing with the autoflush when the demonic toilet is splashing underneath your ass..

    Reply

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