Help! Help! I\’m being oppressed!

I knew it.  Grr.  Read this (and then come back). 

This totally explains why my life has been so hard.  The deck has been stacked against me since birth; something completely out of control has forced me down a certain path, (ir)regardless of my natural-born abilities.  Woe, woe is me.

But seriously, folks.  How can this be more than a statistical anomaly?  (And I fully anticipate that the other two yutzes on this site will probably argue that lefties are naturally more gifted.  Blar.)