The Tubes Will be Plugged!

Ok, I\’m gonna put a link at the bottom of this to explain where I\’m coming from, but let\’s try the concept on for size first. We\’re talking today about \’Net Neutrality. Now bear in mind, I work with people who work with computers, and I realize that you should never take someone\’s understanding of a concept for granted. So let me try to explain \’Net Neutrality in my own words.

Say you get your internet service from a company – for illustrative purposes we\’ll call them QWorst. QWorst also offers you a way to run your phone over the internet, but you feel it\’s too expensive, so you don\’t get it.

Well another company comes along – Bob\’s Internet Phone Shack. They offer phone over the internet, and they cost only a quarter as much as QWorst does. All you need to run Bob\’s phone service is the internet, which you\’re getting through QWorst. Piece of cake, right? You buy your internet from QWorst, and your phone service from Bob\’s. It\’s a shining example of capitalism, you\’re choosing the phone company that offers you the cheapest price.

Well the Net Neutrality we\’re talking about would make it illegal for QWorst to do anything to their internet service that would make Bob\’s phone service run slower than QWorst\’s own phone service. The idea being that the internet itself is neutral, and that companies should not take unfair advantage of the technology to stick it to the consumer. I think we can all agree on that, right?

Not Sentaor Ted Stevens, (R-Alaska). Read in wonderment, folks.

I can\’t even begin to tell you where this goes wrong, but I do love the fact that his staff sent an internet. I don\’t even know what that means, but it sure sounds impressive. He must really know what he\’s talking about. We should trust him with our rights.

Hold on. Wait. Come to think of it, I know exactly where this goes wrong. He thinks the internet is a bunch of tubes! Tubes!!!! I\’m picturing Senator Stevens picturing the internet as an immensely complicated network of vacuum tubes, like the kind he still uses to deposit money at the bank. And if all this fancy technology is allowed to run unfettered, it\’ll clog up the tubes!

Oy.