"Armageddon is at hand!"

- wadE

First off, a disclaimer...I'm sure some of you play Golden Tee and like it. My hatred of Golden Tee is not the game itself, but the usual group of guys gathered around it in any bar in the U.S. (and the occasional Golden Tee bitch...you know, she's the chick wearing a baseball cap, trying to be "one of the guys").

Anyway, for my friends that play Golden Tee, I pray for your souls...for the rest...I don't particularly care for you.

This is somewhat similar to my feeling that everyone who drives a BMW is an asshole (and also anyone who drives a Jaguar is a moron...you'll have the nicest car in the shop Jacko!). I'm sure I have and will have friends who drive a BMW, and I pray for you as well.

End disclaimer

I find Golden Tee to be very annoying. Especially when it first came out because every time you walked into a bar there was this group of annoying preppy guys gathered around the game like it was PacMan in 1982. My favorite is the guy who backs up 3 or 4 steps and takes a running lunge at the rollerball...to get extra power I would assume. This guy is the biggest idiot of the bunch. I just hope that some day he catches his hand on a screw that isn't screwed in all the way, or a little splinter sticking up and tears half his hand off...not that I'm bitter or anything.

With all that being said, my friend Corinne tipped me off this week about something she saw on Fox SportsNet. A Golden Tee Tournament...in Vegas, with prize money!!! Yes, prize money!!!

This goes way beyond the level of "You've got to be shitting me!" to "This is the seventh sign of the Apocalypse!"

I had to investigate further...here is what I found on itsgames.com.

Golden Tee National Championship to Air on Fox Sports Net
Over 60 Million Homes to See Worlds First-Ever Video Sport

Pictures of 2002 Golden Tee National Championship!!

Find when and where the TV show will be in your area! Steven Sobe is about to become a lot more famous than he already is. The undisputed king of Golden Tee Golf is the star of the 2002 Golden Tee National Championship, a 30-minute show that highlights the fun and excitement of the hottest video game in the country.

Golden Tee Golf is the most popular coin-operated video game in history with over 50,000 games in bars and taverns across the country. Besides being the favorite game of millions of video golfers, its also the favorite of celebrities like all-pro middle linebacker, Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears; TV personality, Carson Daly; Americas Top 40 host, Rick Dees; and rapper Uncle Kracker. Its so popular that many players reserve tee times with their favorite bar. Over 40,000 players compete monthly in online tournaments for $2.5 million in annual prize money.

The MGM Grand Casino was the setting for this historic event, where 72 of the best players in the world competed for a first-place prize of $15,000 over the weekend of March 2-3.

Steven Sobe of tiny Mt. Airy, North Carolina, became the first-ever 3-time Golden Tee national champion when he defeated Ryan Bourgeois of Houston, Texas in the final match. It was high drama as the contest was decided on the last hole.

We wanted to capture the essence of what makes Golden Tee so much fun to play, said Elaine Hodgson, CEO of Incredible Technologies, the manufacturer of Golden Tee. This show really does a great job of displaying the remarkable skills of these professionals as well as the action and excitement of the sport. If youre an accomplished player or just a novice, youll love this show. It was so exciting to see it live, and thanks to Fox Sports Net, we can see it again!

Fox Sports Net will air the 2002 Golden Tee National Championship in all major markets across the country beginning Saturday April 6. Please check the attached schedule for the running time in your area.

More 2002 Golden Tee National Championship
Fox Sports Net National Schedule

Comcast Philadelphia Sun, 4/7 3:30 pm ET
Philadelphia, Wilkes-Barre-Scranton, Harrisburg Lancaster, Lebanon-York

Empire Sports Sun, 4/7 2:00 pm ET
Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse, Utica, Elmira, Binghamton, Albany-Schenectady, Troy, Erie, Burlington

FOX Sports Detroit Sun, 4/14 1:00 pm ET
Detroit, Lansing, Toledo, Grand Rapids-Kalamazoo, Flint-Saginaw-Bay City, Traverse City-Cadillac, Marquette, South Bend-Elkhart, Green Bay-Appleton, Alpena, Duluth-Superior

FOX Sports Florida Sun, 4/14 4:30 pm ET
Miami-Ft. Lauderdale, Tampa-St. Pete-Sarasota, West Palm Beach-Ft. Pierce, Jacksonville-Brunswick, Ft.Myers-Naples, Orlando-Daytona Beach-Melbourne, Panama City, Mobile-Pensacola

FOX Sports New England Sun, 4/7 2:00 pm ET
Boston, Hartford-New Haven, Providence-New Bedford, Springfield-Holyoke, Portland-Auburn, Burlington- Plattsburgh, Bangor, MN, Albany-Schenectady-Troy, Presque Isle

FOX Sports New York Sun, 4/7 2:00 pm ET
New York, Albany-Schenectady-Troy, Rochester, Syracuse, Utica, Binghamton, Hartford-New Haven , Watertown, Elmira, Burlington-Plattsburgh, Buffalo, Philadelphia

FOX Sports Ohio Sun, 4/7 2:00 pm ET
Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, Dayton, Louisville, Toledo, Lexington, Youngstown, Erie, Evansville, Charleston-Huntington, Lima, Terre Haute, Bowling Green, Nashville, Wheeling-Steubenville, Ft. Wayne

FOX Sports Pittsburgh Fri, 4/12 12:00 pm ET
Pittsburgh, Harrisburg-Lancaster-Lebanon-York, Johnstown-Altoona, Charleston-Huntington, Wilkes Barre-Scranton, Erie, Youngstown, Wheeling-Steubenville, Washington, D.C., Parkersburg, Buffalo, Elmira, Cleveland

FOX Sports South Sun, 4/7 4:00 pm ET
Atlanta, Charlotte, Nashville, Greenville-Ashville, Birmingham, Memphis, Knoxville, Huntsville, Chattanooga, Savannah, Columbia, SC, Jackson, MS, Mobile-Pensacola, August, Macon-Raleigh-Durham, Biloxi-Gulfport, Tupelo, Tallahassee, Albany GA, Jackson, TN, New Orleans, Paducah-Cape Girardo and many more

FOX Sports Chicago Sat, 4/6 5:00 pm CT
Wed, 4/10 2:00 pm CT
Sat, 4/20 8:30 pm CT
Illinois - Chicago, Champaign-Springfield-Decatur, Peoria-Bloomington, Rockford Indiana -South Bend-Elkhart, Fort Wayne, Lafayette Iowa - Quincy-Hannibal-Keokuk, Ottumwa-Kirksville, Sioux City, Terre Haute Davenport- Rock Island-Moline, Cedar Rapids-Waterloo-Dubuque, Des Moines-Ames

FOX Sports North Sun, 4/14 12:30 pm CT
Minnesota - Minneapolis- St. Paul, Duluth; Wisconsin - Milwaukee, Green Bay, Madison, Lacrosse North Dakota - Fargo, Sioux Falls

FOX Sports Midwest Sun, 4/7 2:00 pm CT
Indianapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Omaha, Champaign-Springfield-Decatur, Springfield, MO, Paducah-Mt. Vernon, Evansville, IN, Columbia-Jefferson City, Peoria-Bloomington, Terre Haute, Quincy-Hannibal-Keokuk, Cedar Rapids, Waterloo, St. Joseph, Louisville, Cincinnati, Dayton, Ottumwa-Kirksville, Fort Wayne, Des Moines-Ames, Memphis, Lincoln-Hastings, Youngstown, Lafayette, IN

FOX Sports Southwest Sun, 4/7 1:00 pm CT
Dallas-Ft. Worth, Houston, San Antonio, Austin, Tulsa, Baton Rouge, Shreveport, Little Rock- Pine Bluff, Lafayette, LA, El Paso, Amarillo, Corpus Christi, Lubbock and many more

FOX Sports Arizona Sun, 4/7 5:30 pm MT
Tue, 4/9 3:30 pm MT
Phoenix, Tucson, Albuquerque-Santa Fe, El Paso, Yuma-El Centro, Amarillo

FOX Sports Rocky Mountain Sun, 4/7 2:00 pm MT
Thu, 411 1:30 pm MT
Denver, Salt Lake City, Wichita-Hutchinson, Lincoln, Colorado Springs-Pueblo, Topeka, Boise, Omaha, Idaho Falls-Pocatello, Albuquerque-Santa Fe, Billings, Rapid City, Cheyenne-Scottsbluff- Sterling, Grand Junction-Montrose, Casper-Riverton, Twin Falls, Great Falls, Sioux City, Missoula, Helena, Kansas City, Tulsa, Reno

FOX Sports West Sun, 4/7 2:30 pm PT
Los Angeles, San Diego, Las Vegas, Honolulu, Santa Barbara, Palm Springs, Reno, Bakersfield

FOX Sports Bay Area Sun, 4/7 12:00 pm PT
Mon, 4/8 11:00 am PT
San Francisco - Oakland - San Jose, Sacramento Modesto, Fresno Visalia, Monterey Salina , Reno, NV, Chico Redding, Eureka

FOX Sports Northwest Sun, 4/7 5:00 pm PT
Seattle, Portland, OR, Spokane, Eugene, Yakima-Pasco-Richland, Anchorage, Medford, Bend OR, Missoula, Boise, Idaho

Copyright 2002 Incredible Technologies, Inc. All rights reserved.

Sadly...we've missed it. But as Corinne pointed out to me, "keep your eyes on Fox Sports... it kind of looked like one of those things they might air during a rain delay."

"World's First-Ever Video Sport" -- I don't even know where to begin with that statement. I don't think "First-Ever" is even an actually word. The word "Sport" is being applied to way too many things these days. I think we at SP.com need to once and for all declare what IS and ISN'T a sport. This however, I am very sure IS NOT a f*ckin' sport!

Ok, I kinda like Brian Urlacher since he is a very good football player, but I bet he's an asshole. Carson Daly, well I think I can honestly say that 99.9% of straight american men would pay 100 bucks to kick him right in the balls. Ooooh, Rick Dees... THE Rick Dees? Ok, maybe I've been wrong all along on this Golden Tee thing... then again, maybe not. Rapper Uncle Kracker... I have no joke here.

A tee time at your local bar? I think I just threw up in my mouth. How much of an asshole do you have to be to have a tee time at your local bar?

And who is this Steven Sobe guy...apparently he's famous...actually let me rephrase, by the time you read this he's even more famous!

This gets so much worse. If you go out to itsgames.com you can actually join the Golden Tee(tm) Golf Association... ack, I'm dead... that just killed me.

I can't go on...


- 04/26/2002

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