"We Love Barney Fife"

- wadE

In Wade's last article about mixed tapes from his youth, he refers to a parody of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire". You know when someone starts humming a tune, and it gets stuck in your head, and after a few days you start to go insane? Well, once I read that sentence I couldn't get the "We Love Barney Fife" song out of my head. It was on the local CBS affiliate quite often back in those days, and it was quite catchy and pretty funny; so I was singing it in my head, and I couldn't remember all of the lyrics...and for those of you who know me, you know how angry something like that can make me.

So I wrote down as much as I could remember, and was able to piece a bit more together after staring at it for a few days...I got a little more than 50% down. But then I remembered that the reason the Internet exists is to spread porn...ummm, and to spread completely useless information. After some digging I found out that the song was written by a couple of Radio DJs who have created several other parodies of songs. They sometimes go by the name Guns 'n' Moses (or Gums 'n' Roses), and this song first appeared on the Dr. Demento show back in 1990 (the same show the launched the career of Weird Al Yankovic).

With a bit more Internet digging I was able to find an mp3 of the song, and after repeated listening I can now bring you the complete lyrics! Enjoy!

"We Love Barney Fife" by Gums 'n Roses (1990) -- Approx. 2.2 MB
[Sung to the tune of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire"]

Andy Griffith on TV, Sheriff Taylor Mayberry, Mount Pilot, North Carolina, Raleigh

Fishin' hole, Earnest T., Courthouse, Opie, Goober Pyle, Gomer Pyle, (Golllllly!)

Aunt Bea in the kitchen, lousy pickles, good friend chicken, Helen Crump, Otis drunk, Emmett's Fixit Shop

Criminals would come to town, fearless Fife tracks 'em down, his eye would pop, his gun would drop, he's a favorite TV cop

We love Barney Fife... He's the Deputy of Mayberry. We love Barney Fife.. He upholds the law with Opie's pa

Floyd the barber cuttin' hair, Howard Sprague, barber chair, barney's job is never done, law and order's in his blood, he shaky gun is at your service, catchin crooks makes him nervous, thelma lou's offical stud, nip it nip it in the bud
(This is Deputy Fife speakin' and I'm armed!!!)

Andy plays the guitar, Barney's in the squad car, driving Mayberry nuts, he's law enforcement klutz

Ticket writing everyone, he's got one bullet for his gun, bad guys are on the run, book 'em Barney murder one!

We love Barney Fife... He's the Deputy of Mayberry... Andy Griffith is our life (yeah yeah yeah), when the show is done we'll watch another one (re-run, re-run, re-run...) WE LOVE BARNEY FIFE!

- 12/09/2002

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