Undies in Bundles

- Wade

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Earlier today I related the story of Jason catching Gavin Rossdale's g-string at a '96 Bush concert to a friend. She reacted in horror; I then explained that it was the g-string from his guitar, not from his.. well.. you know.

Which got me to thinking about men's underwear.

Like most boys-- I assume-- I started out with this look:

I think that's just the default post-Underoos choice, isn't it? Doesn't every male start out that way?

Then, during the summer of 1992, I made the switch:

Boxers. It was like a whole new world opened up. A free, comfortable, unencumbered world. (In case you're wondering, those *are* penguin boxers and I *do* own that exact pair.) And that's where I'm at still, and where I expect to be for a long, long time. Until I get to be an old man and I'm forced to return to briefs-- I think that's a regulation or something. No, really. I saw an infomercial one night where Wilford Brimley was talking about it. I think I had a lot to drink that night.

ANYway. Because my boxers treat me so nicely, I can't imagine any male making any different choice. But I'm sure they do.

Let's start innocently enough:

The boxer brief. Sure. Fine. I know that Jason wears these; not because I've asked or looked. He's shared. He's very open. Anyway, I don't necessarily understand boxer briefs in that the whole point of the "boxer" is that it's not a "brief", but whatever. It's like combining fish and tacos: a combination I never would've come up with, but I don't begrudge anyone for enjoying the concept.

Long underwear, a.k.a. thermal underwear or (to my dad) long johns, are fine too. They're seasonal, and a lifesaver when one goes on the annual ice-fishing extravadanza. They're simple, almost wholesome; Pa Ingalls wore them.

That's about it as far as wholesome goes. Perhaps I'm naive, but I really didn't think that there was a male version of a g-string. I mean, I've heard of the term "banana hammock" but I thought maybe male thongs were only used as props in movies; no real man could ever go out and purchase such a thing. Right?

Unfortunately-- wrong. Click here, only if you haven't just eaten. Are... you.. kidding me? "May be worn as dancewear, underwear, swimwear (depending where you are and how brave you are!)." I don't consider myself unusually brave-- but I'd rather sky-dive, I'd rather bungee-jump, I'd rather watch a full episode of "Oprah" than wear something like this. I can't imagine looking in my underwear drawer, seeing a pair of underwear like this, and thinking "this is the right choice for me today."

Of course, I fully support women who have this preference. :)


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