My favorite local newspaper has always been the Minneapolis Star & Tribune. While I have never subscribed to the “Strib”, I have read its website nearly every single day over the past 10+ years.

Apparently the days of “free loading” are over.

The Strib is now offering “digital subscriptions”. I’m not completely opposed to paying to view my local news online. In fact the Strib has one of the best newspaper websites in the country. Additionally it’s been one of the most profitable, or perhaps that should be “least-unprofitable”, thanks to the loads of advertising it’s managed to add over the years as well as sneaky hit count increasers like auto refresh of pages after a few minutes. I had figured that the continual increases in visual bombardment on the website is what allowed them to remain subscription free.

That changed a couple years ago when they introduced a pay feature for Vikings stories, this grew into a “premium” set of articles, and now this: http://www.startribune.com/help/132937963.html

When I read 99 cents per week, I considered signing up. 52 bucks a year to get local news online seemed somewhat reasonable. But then I notice that after 10 weeks it goes up to $1.99. That’s 103.48 per year.

That’s too much. That is too much when other outlets (St. Paul Pioneer Press, local TV stations, Yahoo! News) are still providing local news free of cost. There just isn’t a differentiator at the Strib to make their content worth more than free. Perhaps Sid in his glory days might have been worth paying for… and maybe if former ink-stained wretch Dan Barreiro was still on the Strib payroll it would be worth paying for.

I see this as a short term money grab that will see the hits on their site plummet. Perhaps they can wait out their competition… but I doubt it. I will miss you Startribune.com… but not as much as I’d miss a hundred bucks out of my wallet.

In case you weren’t aware, the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts starting giving out the “Mark Twain Prize for American Humor” in 1998. The intent of the prize is honor an individual who has made a significant contribution to American humor.

I think we all would agree that criteria is vague, but over the first 12 years you got a good idea of who should be considered for the prize based on the recipients.

The first winner was Richard Pryor. Hard to argue this one. He was the inspiration for so many comics. He might be the only comic that Bill Cosby respects who swore in every other sentence on stage.

Next was Jonathan Winters. Most people younger than 35 don’t have any idea who Jonathan Winters is. Most people under 40 (like me) really only know him as Mork & Mindy’s child, or the weird guy who was occasionally on Johnny Carson. Regardless, a long storied career, very deserving of an award.

Other recipients: Carl Reiner, Whoopi, Bob Newhart, Lily Tomlin, Lorne Michaels, Steve Martin, Neil Simon, Billy Crystal, George Carlin (who sadly died 4 days after the announcement), Bill Cosby…

Then in 2010 the winner was Tina Fey. Really, you go from Bill Cosby to Tina Fey? Now don’t get me wrong, I like Tina Fey. I think she is funny and very talented. And I suppose she is an Emmy award winning writer and actor. She’s also a very successful woman in what has always been a male dominated business. Ok, I’ve talked myself into this.

However, this year’s winner is Will Ferrell. Funny guy… nearly single handedly carried (saved?) SNL in the late 90s… some very funny and successful movies. But I could say the same thing about Adam Sandler. About the only difference between the two is that Ferrell started FunnyOrDie.com… and he did a one-man show on Broadway about GW Bush… but otherwise damn near the same career. He hasn’t won any emmys or oscars or tonys… not even a Golden Globe.

Perhaps that point of the award is to honor current comedy stars. The Kennedy Center chairman was quoted as saying, “Will Ferrell is clearly one of his generation’s finest comedic performers.” This is true. And I suppose if you start a comedy award in 1998 you need to honor the past a bit before catching up to the present (like Lily Tomlin in 2003? She hadn’t done anything impactful for at least a decade).

Either way though… I can’t help but feel that an award named after Mark Twain, which Pryor, Cosby, and Carlin have won shouldn’t go to Will Ferrell. How does Will Ferrell win this award and Seinfeld is nowhere to be found?

Perhaps it’s a sign of the times. Awards, and society in general, has a shorter and shorter attention span and things need to be “more current” and “more relevant”. Maybe next year’s winner will be Jonah Hill.

“I expected so much more… yet I didn’t…”

That’s how I feel about the 2010 Minnesota Vikings. So before we preview the 2011 campaign let’s recap 2010.

I had predicted a 12 or 13 win season, but with a *lot* of caveats:

1) Offensive line is a mess – Check!
I was right that the O-line was a mess with injuries and subpar play (toodaloo Mt. McKinney… it’s been fun!). Quite possibly the biggest contributor to a 6-10 season. I nailed this one with my proposed question: “Will the Offensive Line step up in pass protection and run blocking with a new Center, suspect Right Guard, and rookie Right Tackle? – More or less the same question but with a twist: will McKinney actually play to his potential, will Sullivan recover in time for the start of the season? The O-line looks to be the weak link this year making the Vikings essentially the 2009 Packers. But they’re QB is a helluva lot younger.” This year’s version has less talent overall, but is currently healthy.

2) Sidney Rice will be out for half the season – Meh
When he returned Rice was less than spectacular, but still good. He’s now gone to Seattle where I expect him to slightly outperform the last WR the Seahawks stole from the Vikings (Nate Burleson). Good luck with T-Jack and Charlie Whitehurst Sid!

3) Chester Taylor is gone – Check!
3rd and long was disastrous for the Vikings last year, no more so than the first 3rd down they faced against the Bills on December 5th. Farve was knocked from the game and essentially from his career. It remains to be seen if Peterson or Gerhart can be effective on 3rd and long.

4) Favre is a year old and has an ankle operating around 10% – Check!
Even before getting creamed Favre was ineffective. The offensive line had him hobbling for his life and he didn’t have Rice to bail him out of throwing jump balls. It was a recipe for disaster.

5) Our defense is improved and should be top notch in the rushing *and* passing games – Wrong!
Well, not totally wrong, but a ranking of 9th and 10th (respectively) isn’t all that bad (the Packers were 18th and 5th).

6) Regarding a tough early stretch of games: If they can win 3 of those 4 [Jets, Dallas, Green Bay, New England] I see them returning to the NFC Championship. If they only win 1, it’s feasible they miss the playoffs. – Check!
Nailed that one. The Vikings were only able to beat what turned out to be a terrible Cowboy team. They missed the playoffs and finished last in the division for the first time since 1990 (when the Packers, Bucs, Lions, and Vikings all finished 6-10).

After a brilliant 2009 effort there was bound to be letdown in 2010, but even with the huge question marks, I didn’t foresee it being this bad. We knew that Green Bay would be better, but I don’t think anyone who doesn’t drink paint thinner regularly thought they’d win a super bowl. But such is life… better them than the Patriots.

“It’s over Johnny… IT’S OVER!” – Col. Trautman

But enough of the past… A lot has changed with the Vikings from this time last year. If you need a rundown, check espn.com. Long story short: New QBs (I would have preferred we had McNabb 3 years ago, not now) (Ponder… ? Hmmm…), new coach (fair thee well Chili… fair thee well), and a lot of departures (bye bye Sidney).

But what does that mean for the Vikings? It means they are a team that has to try the most difficult trick in all of sports. Rebuild on the fly while staying competitive and relevant. Not an easy task. And one I don’t believe they’ll be able to pull off this year. It’s going to take a lot of surprises and career years (I’m looking at you Jared Allen) for them to be above .500.

For purposes of this preview we’ll assume McNabb performs around average, Percy Harvin takes a step forward, Adrian Peterson plays as well as last year, the offensive line takes a step back, and the defense stays steady at slightly above average. (Wow, if that doesn’t get you excited for a year of Vikings football, I don’t know what will!)

Let’s look at the games:

Week 1: Sep 11 – at San Diego
San Diego is a notorious slow starter, and they have something called Ryan Matthews at RB, but they still have Rivers and Jackson. It’s possible the Vikings steal this one, but on the road, first game with the new players. Don’t bet on it. But bet on a close game. 0-1

Week 2: Sep 18 – vs. Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay <Denny Green> is a good young team. They are susceptible to the run, but even at home I don’t see the Vikings getting it done. Vikes lose a close one. 0-2

Week 3: Sep 26 – vs. Detroit
I don’t care that people say Detroit is better this year (although they are already riddled with injuries). They haven’t won at Metrodome in over a decade, that ain’t changing. 1-2

Week 4: Oct 2 – at Kansas City
Another young team on the way up. KC had the best rushing attack in 2010. The Williams Wall will still be suspended. Expect the Henderson brothers to have 40 tackles combined. KC wins another tight game. 1-3

Week 5: Oct 9 – vs. Arizona
Kevin Kolb is an upgrade at QB. Fitzgerald may be the best WR in the game right now. But a terrible team on defense got even worse during the offseason. Vikings win this game at home, on the road, in Detroit, or at TCF Stadium. 2-3

Week 6: Oct 16 – at Chicago
I dislike Chicago. Post Ditka there has been nothing to like there (except Dave Wannestedt’s mustache). Their O-line is a mess (“settle down” <Mike Tice>), but their running defense will still be strong. The only good news for the Vikings is that they play in Chicago before the snow flies (fingers crossed). However, on the road, I see the Vikings losing yet another close game. 2-4

Week 7: Oct 23 – vs. Green Bay
If the Vikings end up going 1-15 this season, as long as this is the one win, it’ll be a successful season. Sadly the Packers should only be better than they were last year (which honestly wasn’t very good until late in the season. Classic case of a team peaking at the right time.). I expect a better home showing than last year’s 31-3 debacle, but a loss nonetheless. 2-5

Week 8: Oct 30 – at Carolina
Cam Newton? Really? Maybe someday, but not this year. A road win for the Vikes! 3-5

Week 9: BYE
A good time for a Bye week. Last year having it in week 4 did not do the Vikings any favors.

Week 10: Nov 14 – at Green Bay
Historically the Vikings and Packers have split games, but the overall series now sits at 48-51-1 (courtesy of last year’s sweep by the Packers). I really want to say the Vikings steal a game, but I just don’t see that happening. Dark days for Vikings fans. With any luck the Packers will enter another dormant 25 year period like they did between the late 60s and early 90s. 3-6

Week 11: Nov 2 – vs. Oakland
Oakland’s strong ground game will get overshadowed by Adrian Peterson rushing for 175 yards and 3 TDs in this game. Vikings get their first laughter of the year (yeah, I think the Carolina game will be less than a 10 point win). 4-6

Week 12: Nov 27 – at Atlanta
The best team not from Philly in the NFC this year. Vikings don’t stand much of a chance in the Georgia Dome, or Metrodome. 4-7

Week 13: Dec 5 – vs. Denver
Is this Tim Tebow’s year? No. He can’t even beat Brady Quinn for the backup spot behind Orton. And you thought the Vikings QB situation was scary. The only good thing I can say about the Broncos is that they dumped Josh McDaniels. On the great tree of NFL coaches, the Belichick branch is shriveled and brown. Oh… Vikings win this game. 5-7

Week 14: Dec 11 – at Detroit
No way the Vikings split with Detroit again. Last year it was the last game of a disappointing season, the game didn’t matter (outside of the fact that it meant the Vikings technically finished last in the division for the first time since 1990). This game won’t matter much this year either, but it isn’t that final letdown game either; and with the NFC, the Vikings will probably be in the wild card race even at 5-7. Vikes win. 6-7

Week 15: Dec 18 – vs. New Orleans
If the Vikings went 2-14 this year, with one of those wins being against the Packers, I would want this to be the other win. One personal foul, and one bad Favre INT way from a trip to the super bowl, where the Colts proved to be beatable. I don’t think I can forgive N’awlins. Even with their bourbon street and drive up daiquiri bars. Sadly, the Vikings lose to the Saints for the third year in a row. 6-8

Week 16: Dec 24 – at Washington
Projected starter John Beck hasn’t played a down since 2007 with Miami. He may speak fluent Portuguese, but he has no business starting for an NFL team. Looks like Shanahan is all in on the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. 7-8

Week 17: Jan 1 – vs. Chicago
It’s doubtful, but the Vikings could be in the wild card hunt going into the final week of the season, especially if they pick up another game and are 8-7 going into this game. It’ll really depend on the NFC South (very possible both wild card teams come from that division). *IF* the Vikings are in the hunt, it’s also likely the Bears are right there with them. Big game, at home, a possible playoff berth (or pride), on the line. I predict Mike Singeltary chloroforms EJ Henderson before the game and puts on his uniform to get a shot at his old team. Show Urlacher what a real monster of the midway looks like. After all the negativity I’m going positive and picking the Vikes to win on a last second Longwell field goal. 8-8

Final thoughts: Last year I was wildly optimistic and went with 13-3… a long way from the 6-10 they ended at (for all the reason chronicled above). I think 8-8 is a very reasonable expectation. The Vikings have a decent 4th place schedule, and a QB with a one year contract with everything to prove. They still have the best RB in football and an electric WR in Percy Harvin. It’ll be a rebuilding year for the Vikings, but they’ll be competitive and with some good luck they could actually make the playoffs. One word advice to Vikings faithful. Don’t write the Vikings off early in the season. If they can enter December with 4 or 5 wins, there is still a shot at a successful season. And if not, let’s just hope the Packers don’t repeat.

Skol Vikings!

If Sid Hartman says the Twins have no hope… well, I expect locusts to descend on Target Field shortly…

My favorite part of the Sid Cast is his rattling off the players who he doesn’t really know. “Ka-silla” for Casilla (Sid probably also says jah-lap-in-o for jalapeño). “That Japanese Guy” (Nishioka) . “Rookie in Center Field” (Revere). “Nothing player in left field” (Repko… and *ouch*). “Cap” (Capps – and I could maybe give Sid a break on that one, maybe that’s the nickname used the clubhouse…although knowing the Twins shouldn’t it be Cappy?)

Sid’s also down on the Wild, but has good things to say about the T-wolves. Maybe Sid is actually taking off the rose colored glasses now that he’s in his 90s… or perhaps it just cataracts.

The Minnesota State Fair has announced the new foods that can be found at this years fair. Last year I did a review of fair food, but it looks like I will have more work to do this year!

• Chocolate covered jalapeño peppers
• Not sure about this, but I’m willing to try it…
• Mexican horchata (cold drink made of rice, almonds, cinnamon, vanilla and sugar)
• I’ve heard of horchata, and I’ve heard good things, but if there isn’t alcohol in it, it’s not on my fair beverage radar
• Jamaican jerk fries
• Borrrr-ring
• Crab fritters
• Ok, now you’re speaking my language. Deep fried crab is in my state fair wheelhouse.
• Northwoods salad (a portable caprese salad)
• Salad? Really? Even if it’s on a stick, this new food is DOA.
• Dirt dessert (Oreo cookies, vanilla pudding, whipped cream, cream cheese and gummy worms)
• Sounds yummy, but this is something I can make at home… not worth the precious stomach space at the State Fair
• Sweet-corn ice cream
• I don’t have any desire to eat sweet corn ice cream, but it doesn’t get much more “state fair” than this. I gotta try it!
• Coushari rice with lentils
• Could be tasty… but at a middle eastern restaurant, not the State Fair
• Grilled chicken pita
• Quite pedestrian…
• Deep-fried cookie dough
• We’ve had deep fried cookies (although I curse Axel’s for taking them off their menu last year), so I’m ready for this!
• Terijaki chicken on-a-stick
• Yawn…
• Pretzel dog on-a-stick
• I am so down with this… in fact, I plan to have two!
• Grilled Yankee apple pie and chocolate sandwich (brioche filled with apples and spices covered in chocolate, grilled and topped with powdered sugar)
• Mmmmm… sounds like State Fair breakfast to me
• Breakfast lollipop (sausage patty deep-fried on-a-stick with a side of maple syrup)
• Ok, *this* sounds like a State Fair breakfast!

The fair is only 76 days away! I’m hungry and ready!

Is there anything more shameful in sports than the NBA draft lottery? Even Khansie knew the T-wolves were going to get screwed..

“This league has a habit, and I am just going to say habit, of producing some pretty incredible story lines,” Kahn said. “Last year it was Abe Pollin’s widow and this year it was a 14-year-old boy and the only thing we have in common is we have both been bar mitzvahed. We were done. I told [Utah General Manager] Kevin [O'Connor]: ‘We’re toast.’ This is not happening for us and I was right.”

I am surprised that the Wolves got 2 though… I assumed we’d get three since it’s a “two player” draft (Duke guard Kyrie Irving and Arizona forward Derrick Williams). This must mean that Stern is softening a bit on the Wolves after their illegal dealings with Joe Smith.

There is no sport that is more corrupt than NBA basketball. The players live paycheck to paycheck; not for lack of high salaries, but for careless lifestyles. The refs are corrupt; Tim Donaghe being the best example, but it’s widely believed that the NBA selects certain refs (cough cough Joey Crawford cough cough) to influence the outcome of games. Even Mark Cuban accused Stern of fixing games. And then there is the embarrassment that is the NBA Lottery. Going back to the Knicks unlikely winning of the number on pick, to the T-wolves who have never moved up in the draft, and more often than not have moved back.

And even if none of this is true, perception is reality. Until the NBA can prove it’s clean, it’s guilty. And I continue to have no interest in watching.

The team here at SP started this list last year, but in classic SP style we never quite finished. With how bad the Twins are doing this year, it seems like it was kismit that we’d wait until now to publish. Without further ado…enjoy.

With last year being the Minnesota Twins 50th season the Twins organization had created a list of the 50 Greatest Twins. In response the Strib’s Michael Rand tried to come up with the 50 Worst Twins of all time. Through responses to his blog he collected a measley 42 names: “We didn’t want to stretch to get to 50, so we stopped at 42.”

Stretch? It shouldn’t be a stretch to find 50 terrible twins. It just means you didn’t try hard enough. In an effort to rectify that poor performance the top-notch staff here at Simpleprop are ready to step up to the challenge and give you your 50 Worst Twins of All-Time!

Some ground rules. Since we’re all in our 30s we chose to limit players to those we have seen or are at least familiar with. As Wade A mentioned during our deliberations, “I’m sure Eddie Bane sucked, but I have no proof.” We will create this list via a draft, with Wade A getting the first pick, Alex going second, and wadE going third. We’ll reveal our list in reverse draft order.

So without further ado, here are the 50 Worst Twins of All-Time* (* – “All-Time” meaning since 1980 or so)

Mr. Irrelevant. Steve Holm

49. David West

48. Boof Bonser

47. Mike Fetters

46. David Ortiz

45. J.T. Bruett

44. Joe Roa

43. J.D. Durbin

42. Craig Monroe

41. Houston Jimenez

40. Phil Nevin

39. Alexi Casilla

38. Jose Parra

37. Deolis Guerra

36. Carmelo Castillo

35. Tippy Martinez

34. Rich Becker

33. Chris Latham

32. Midre Cummings

31. Tom Nieto

30. Sal Butera

29. Drew Butera

28. Joe Niekro

27. Sean Bergman

26. Scott Ulger

25. Steve Carlton

24. Alex Ochoa

23. Joe Mays

22. Scott
Klingenbeck

21. Gregg Olson

20. Carlos Pulido

19. Tony Batista

18. Kevin Maas

17. Ron Davis

16. Alex Cole

15. Bret Boone

14. Adam Johnson

13. Juan Castro

12. Matt Walbeck, 1994-1996. His wikipedia page says it all: Although his professional career-started off very well-he hit .314 in 51 games in 1987-he would eventually level out and become an average hitter. He was not much of a power hitter, nor did he consistently hit for a high average.
Walbeck was part of a horrific string of catchers between Brian Harper and A.J. Pierzynski. His OPS+ during his Twins tenure was 47 and his WAR was -1.7, meaning if a replacement level play had played his position during his time with the Twins, they most likely would have won two more games with all things being equal.
Also worth noting: Of all catchers with at least 2000 plate appearances from 1990-2009, he had the worst career OPS (on base percentage plus slugging percentage).

11. Luis Rivas, 2000-2005. 2000 plate appearances at .262/.307/.383 (and that’s slightly *better* than his career line) is plenty reason enough to make this list. Granted, there probably wasn’t anyone better in the system, and there were other free agent needs, but Rivas was more or less just handed a job for five years without having to back it up with, you know, actual production.
Side note: I have what I suspect is a one-of-a-kind piece of Luis Rivas memorabilia. An official red Twins jersey with his name and number stitched on. For those of you who know the history of the Dairy Queen jerseys, they were only worn twice, in 1997 (so it’s unlikely it was ever officially produced). Someone must have thought enough of Rivas to have one of these jerseys custom made… then thought better of it and sold it for cheap on Ebay.

10. Bernardo Brito, 1992-1995. To say that the Twins’ outfielders lacked power in the early 1990s would be a grave understatement. The average number of home runs for the Twins’ starting outfielders between ’91 and ’94? 13, 15, 15, and 13. (Although 1994′s totals were hampered by both a shortened season and Alex Cole.) I remember talk of a young, power-hitting phenom who was tearing up the Pacific Coast League, though– one Bernardo Brito.

At least, fifteen years later, the Twins have realized that losing a bit of plate discipline is acceptable in order to keep a power hitter or two on the roster. (They’ve realized that, right?)

9. Denny Hocking, 1993-2003. Hocking epitomizes what is the achilles heel of the Minnesota Twins… their affinity for light hitting utility players who play in over 100 games per season. There is a place on every team for these players, but it’s not playing in the majority of games over the course of a season, and certainly not playing DH! Hocking played all non-battery positions in a season 5 times. He was thought to be a better fielder than he was, and was as bad at the plate as his numbers indicate (.252/.310/.351). This combination of versatility and futility is something the Twins can’t help but gravitate towards (see also: Punto, Nick). The only positive thing I can say about the 11 unimpressive season’s that Hocking gave the Twins is that it costs less than $4 million; which happens to be less than 1 year of Nick Punto.

8. Scott Aldred, 1997. Aldred’s 1997 season, to me, epitomizes the Twins’ starting pitching of the mid-90s. Claimed off of waivers from the Tigers in 96, Aldred finished the season with passable numbers, a winning record (6-5), and just enough glimpses of hope that you thought he could be a decent middle-of-the-rotation starter. Well, for the mid-90s Twins anyway. Then he goes out in 97 and throws up a 7.68 ERA and 1.68 WHIP while going 2-10. At least Johan Santana eventually came along to take the PTSD away from seeing jersey #57 take the hill.

7. Sidney Ponson, 2007. Poor primary and secondary numbers? Out-of-shape, even by a pitcher’s standards? Multiple DUI arrests? Jailed in his home country for punching a judge on a beach on Christmas Day? “Don’t mind if we do,” said the Twins front office in 2007, signing Aruban (a reuben? yum) right-hander Ponson to a minor-league contract. Sloppy Sidney lasted only seven starts for the Twins, going 2-5 with an ERA of 6.93 and a WHIP barely shy of 2.000. Released just six weeks into the season, Ponson represents the worst investment of $1,000,000 of Pohlad cash not involving the name “Punto.”

6. David McCarty, 1993-1995. McCarty was drafted in the first round by the Twins, 3rd overall, in 1991. Other
notables from the first round picked after McCarty: Dmitry Young (4th), Manny Ramirez (13th), Cliff Floyd (14th), and Shawn Green (16th). Assumed to be the first heir apparent to Hrbek’s spot at 1st base McCarty wowed the Twins in his first year with a line of: .214/.257/.286 and an OPS+ of 46. During his time with the Twins he had a WAR of -3.6. Which means during his 2.5 seasons with the club he cost them nearly 4 games compared to a replacement player. The McCarty era ended in mid-2005 when he was traded to the Reds for John Courtright (who pitched exactly 1 inning in his entire career, for the Reds…).

5. Jeff Reboulet, 1993-1996. The first in a long and celebrated line of Twins Futility Infielders. The FI gets around 200 ABs a year but only bats in the .250 range. Plays multiple positions ‘well’, and to hear the manager tell it, this skill is essential to ‘give some guys a day off here and there’. Fine, perhaps, but would it be too much to ask this player to be just a teeny bit better when he is in the lineup? Jeff Reboulet, in his five years with the Twins: 1000ABs, .248 average, and played all eight fielding positions. Check, check, and check.

Perhaps not coincidentally, the #2 most similar player to Reboulet listed at baseball-reference.com: Nick Punto.

4. Pat Mahomes, 1992-1995. Nobody represents the ineptitude of the Twins’ pitching in the early- to mid-nineties like Pitchout Pat. There was a palpable sense of dread whenever he took the mound, as everyone– fans, players– knew that the team’s chance of winning was slim. Mahomes lost 28 games (while winning 18) for Minnesota in three-plus years before he was traded to the Red Sox for something called Brian Looney. Looney never logged an inning for the Twins; we would have been better off if Mahomes had had the same fate. I think he’s the reason Tom Kelly got shingles.

After Boston, Mahomes bounced around to the Mets, Rangers, and Cubs, before his last year with Pittsburgh in 2003. Amazingly, he compiled an 8-0 record with a 3.68 ERA for New York in 1999. The only reasonable assumption is that he made a deal with the devil for his performance that season.

3. Rondell White, 2006-2007. Signed in December to 2005 to a 2 year $5 million contract. White was coming off a .313/.348/.489 season with Detroit… and a surgically repaired dislocated shoulder.

The former All-Star started off horribly with the Twins and was sent down to Triple-A on a what was called a “rehab assignment”. After a rash of outfield injuries White got more playing time in the 2nd half and “bounced back” to post a line of .246/.276/.365. In an interview after the 2006 season Rondell gave himself a first-half grade of F+ and a second half grade of B+, with an overall grade of D. And this was his *good* year with the Twins

2007 was even worse for White. Only getting into 38 games and putting up a .174/.235/.321 and an OPS+ of 48 (FYI: 100 is “average”). 2007 was White’s last year in the majors (at age 35), and I’m guessing his name showing up in the Mitchell Report didn’t help.

Great use of $5 million by the Twins!

2. Butch Huskey, 2000. Signed for a seemingly reasonable half-mil, but part of a fleet of ailed ‘professional’ DHs that the Twins have rolled out in the past decade. Past success (a few 20 home run seasons) failed to be reproduced, as Huskey batted .223 with 5 HRs in around 200 at-bats before the Twins traded him and Todd Walker to the Rockies for Todd Sears and a bucketful of cash. Naturally, Huskey proceeded to bat .348 for the Rox.

Huskey did provide one famous Metrodome moment. Of course, it came the year before, when he was a Seattle Mariner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_o852Yn6Tc

1. Tommy Herr, 1988. To me, picking the worst Twin was easy. Tom Herr came over to the Twins in April of 1988 from the St. Louis Cardinals in exchange for right-fielder Tom Brunansky, replacing the decent-glove/no-hit Steve Lombardozzi at second base. To call Herr’s performance meager (.263/.349/326) would be generous; it’s more the intangibles that made him so bad.

Twins management learned from their mistakes, although clearly not much, by flipping Herr for the equally horrible Shane Rawley after only 304 at-bats in a Twins uniform.

A recent story in the StarTribune caught my eye. Columnist John Tevlin goes in depth on the family feud going on just down the road from us in St. Louis Park where we’ve seen Thanh Do (local restauranteur Thom Pham’s cash cow) close and reopen across the street in a larger space; and his adoptive sisters reopen the original location under the name “Wok In The Park”.

In case the Strib link above no longer works (or you are too lazy to go read the article) the short version is that Thom has sued his sisters saying they embezzeled $250,000 from him. Thom doesn’t come off particularly good in the article, and it doesn’t help that Tevlin seems to say that Thom owes money to the wrong kind of people and that’s what led to a beating in 2007.

But instead of trying Thom and his sisters in the press, or in a court of law, my lovely wife Chelle and I decided to settle this dispute once and for all, in our dining room. We ordered the same 4 dishes from both restaurants and brought them home to judge for ourselves.

The order was:

• Cream Cheese Wontons
• Wok in the Park – Puffs in the Park
• Thanh Do – Fried Wontons
• Pork Fried Eggrolls
• WP – Fried Egg Rolls with Pork
• TD – Egg Rolls (Fried) with Pork
• Steak and Potatoes
• WP – Steak and Chips
• TD – Beef with Potatoes
• Pad Thai with Pork with 3 fireballs/stars

Both places told us 15-20 minutes, but as we know unless they are really busy they are typically ready in 10 minutes. When we arrived 12 minutes later at Wok In The Park, our order was ready. Chelle asked for some additionally spicy sauces and peanut sauce. A short drive across the street found us at Thanh Do and Chelle made the same request. It was early in the evening (5:30 on a Friday night) both places had three tables seated inside.

After a quick drive home we saddled up at the table with an excellent bottle of wine, a 2006 Bladen Gewurztraminer which we bought during our trip to New Zealand that same year. It was due to be drunk and I can’t think of a better meal to pair it with.

Down to business, here are our notes from the meal under several categories.

Chopsticks: Both places use the same chopstick manufacturer. Not the kind you have to break apart, which I personally appreciate.

Soy Sauce: Wok In the Park (WP) provided two lonely packets of Soy Sauce. However Thanh Do (TD) didn’t provide any. That was unusual for both. I chalk that up to Chelle throwing them both off asking for spicy sauces.

Spicy Sauces: WP provided three sauces. A fish sauce, red pepper, and peanut sauce. Thanh Do provided a fish sauce, red pepper, sri racha, sweet and sour, and peanut sauce.

Fish Sauce: WP’s was slightly more fishy, but these two were identical in appearance.
Red Pepper: WP’s was far superior. The red pepper flakes were bright and looked very fresh in a small amount of sesame oil. TD’s was drab and look old, and was more of a paste than in oil.
Peanut Sauce: Both were good, with WP’s being more peanutty, and TD’s being more soy based. A slight nod to WP (although Chelle liked WP’s hands down).
Sri Racha: TD’s Sri Racha was standard.
Sweet and Sour: a pretty standard offering when you order cream cheese wontons, so I was surprised WP didn’t provide it. I however don’t use it. With that being said TD’s is quite good as it has a little kick to it.

Pork Fried Eggrolls: TD’s eggroll was gorgeous to look at. Perfectly fried and generously large. WP’s was almost identical, but not fried quite as long; still completely cooked but wasn’t quite as visually appealing. TD’s was very dense with a strong peppery flavor. WP’s was just as dense and looked almost identical in the inside, but minus the peppery flavor. In fact I found WP’s eggroll a little bland. My vote was for TD, although Chelle preferred WP.

Cream Cheese Wantons: I am what you would call, a connisouer, of cream cheese wontons. TD’s were perfectly cooked. Crispy and crunchy on the outside, warm and gooey on the inside with no part of the cream cheese still semi-solid. Quite good. WP’s was equally as well cooked, but the cream cheese tasted far fresher and a little more salty. When you are talking asian food, bring on the salty. While both were good, WP’s were far better.

Steak and Potatoes: On a visit to WP a few weeks ago we decided to give this dish a try, although it seems very wrong to order steak and potatoes at an asian restauant. It was fantastic, so we decided to include it in our takeout showdown. TD’s looked fantastic coming out of the container. It had grilled and crunchy potatoes, well done (but not chewy) bits of steak, and some small chunks of onion intermixed. WP’s was very different. At the restaurant it comes with a sauce (actually both menus say the dish comes with a sweet oyster sauce, but little to no sauce was found in the Thanh Do version), which means the potatoes weren’t crispy at all. The steak was very moist, more tender than TD’s steak, and tasted a little better (perhaps grass-fed beef?). However, overall I preferred the TD version we got for takeout, but since I’ve had WP’s in the restaurant I have to call this one a draw (Chelle agreed). My advice is to ask for the sauce on the side if you order this dish takeout from WP, better yet just go inside and have it at a table. It’s perfectly american with enough asian touches to not make you feel guilty about ordering it.

Pork Pad Thai: Nothing defines a Thai restaurant (or Pan-Asian restaurant in this case) more than its Pad Thai. During the last several months at Thanh Do we noticed the Pad Thai wasn’t as good as it had been. We had heard that Thom had fired the chefs and his sisters from the restaurant (as it turns out it would appear that rumor was probably true). But now that the dust had settled, whose Pad Thai would reign supreme? Both looked delicious upon opening. But one was clearly better than the other. Both were spicy, but one was more close to what one would expect when you say “3 fireballs”. One was a little too dry and the pork was chewy. The other was moist with tender pieces of pork. One was peanutty while the other was just lacking. The TD was the spicier of the two, but WP’s Pad Thai was much better. Not even close.

As we look at the tale of the tape, it was a close and hard fought battle, but in the end it was a unanimous decision that Wok In The Park edged out Thanh Do as the best asian cusine within one block of Minnetonka Boulevard and Texas Avenue in St. Louis Park.

With the battle already won, there was still one last item to cover, Fortune Cookies. I had expected both restaurants to have the same fortune cookies, but they weren’t. TD’s were from a company in Illinois, while WP’s were from right here in the Twin Cities. TD’s tasted a little richer. But WP’s tasted fresher and crunchier. But I think you’ll need to decide which one is better for yourself.

Wok In The Park – http://www.wokintheparkrestaurant.com/ – 952.657.5754
Thanh Do – http://thanhdorestaurant.com/ – 952.935.5005

Enjoy!

Business Week recently highlighted twenty technologies that they believe are on the way out. But are they? When you ask a spokesperson for the Chevy Volt if gasoline engines are dead, can you really trust the answer?

Let’s take a look…

Combustion Engines:
As long as gas is (relatively) cheap and plentiful, the combustion engine isn’t going anywhere. Until the day you can drive 300 miles on one charge, then stop for 5 minutes, and be ready to go another 300 miles; when you can run your leave blower, chainsaw, lawn mower on (cordless) electricity; and when you can run a boat (safely and cheap) on something other than petroleum based products… then and only then will the combustion engine be dead. Dead in 50 years.

Consumer Video Cameras:
This one I agree with, if only for the fact that they are already dead. Who is going out there and buying a camcorder these days? And if you are, you certainly aren’t buying one that uses tape. Already Dead.

Credit Cards:
If they are strictly saying that carrying around a piece of plastic with a magnetic strip is endangered, I could maybe agree with this. No matter the method, there will be a place for a company to sit between you and the merchant if you aren’t paying by cash (or cash-based EFT equivalent). As long as people want to buy more things than they have cash for, there will be credit card companies.

Desktop PCs:
The way *I* would define this, I would say it’s true. But Business Week is essentially saying that everyone will work on Tablet PCs or Smartphones. Not so fast. Desktop Virtualization is the future. A very basic PC on the desk which connects to servers to provide all the applications needed. Not everyone is going to have iPads. And who is this idiot at Gartner throwing around “static form factor” trying to sound smart? Form Factor is essentially a requirement/constraint the limits/dictates size. Her phase “I wouldn’t write off a static form factor” is nonsensical at best and gibberish at worst. She should have added a “paradigm” or “proactive” in there to round out her BS.

DVDs and Blu-ray:
Back in college, after dropping cancelling my Columbia House subscription I vowed to avoid buying CDs and wait until music came out in solid-state. It wasn’t too long before MP3 players were the rage and now you can buy just about anything (except the Beatles) on iTunes. Unfortunately between college and now pop music has produced very little of value, so I still haven’t bought much new music. Where was I… anyway, it’s no surprise the DVDs will also become moot in the not-so-distant future. As download speeds increase (along with bandwidth) portable plastic discs that spin will vanish.

Digital Music Players:
Considering I just bought an iPod last month I’m not too thrilled with this prediction. However, it’s probably true. They’ll be around for a few more years until smartphones can really handle all the storage needed, but 10 years from now they’ll be as relevant as a Sony Walkman.

E-readers:
Essentially saying that the Kindle will be replaced by the iPad. In our blazingly fast digital age, any time you have a device that does “one” thing well it won’t be long before another more popular device will pick up that functionality for a nominal fee. The Palm Pilot begat smartphones. The Kindle begat the latest generation of Tablet PCs. Regardless, I thought the e-reader was DOA because who wants to take a $400 piece of equipment to the beach?

Fax Machines:
Alert the media, the Lindbergh baby has been found! Yes, fax machines are still being used but they been on life support for over a decade. This is too bad because a good misplaced/late fax was a great prop in movies (The Firm, The Usual Suspects, etc.). As with most of these technologies it’s not the activity that is going way, but the dedicated technology that supports it. There will still be a place for wet signatures, and there will be a need to transmit that image electronically. There just won’t be a one trick pony that uses telephone lines to get the job done.

Game Consoles:
Here’s the thing. I could see the angle that much like DVDs, today’s games are on media that is on its way out. I also see the point that the biggest games have a big online component (not just World of Warcraft games which are exclusively online, but games like Call Of Duty with an online play against other live people). But you’ll still need specialized equipment to interact with many of these games, and even their expert still says that you’ll need a device to access the internet over the television. Isn’t that what a gaming console is? Instead of buying the game at the store and putting it in the box, you’ll just log on to the box and access your games that way.

Pagers:
I thought these were already dead… even drug dealers don’t use pagers anymore. . Anyway, they do make a good point that pagers have better coverage and are more reliable for emergencies. But in a limited way I don’t see pagers going anywhere too fast. They are too cheap and reliable at this point. My prediction is that it won’t be cell phones that take down pagers; it will be some new technology that replaces both.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pagers#Pager_use_in_the_21st_century

Dash-mounted GPS System:
This one is a no brainer and falls under the “device that does one thing well that another device picks up.” (see also: MP3 players, Fax Machines, E-readers)

Keys:
Physical keys have been around for eons. Business Week’s argument here is that biometrics will be the wave of the future. They ask: “Why carry a ring of keys when secure access to your home, car, or office can be more exact?” Well, I’ll tell you why. When a friend needs to stop by and water your plants… are you going give him one of your fingers? When the power goes out, how do you get in your house? Sure you don’t need a key to start many cars these days, but wherever cheap and reasonable security is needed, you are going to find keys for a long time to come.

Landline Telephones:
I have stubbornly kept my landline for the past 13 years. My parents have the same telephone number since they switched over from party lines in the 40s. It’s sort of expensive to keep, but I like having a landline. With all that being said, it is a dying breed, but I don’t know if I’d call it a “dying technology”. With all the advantages that cell phones have, their biggest issue is coverage. It’s very unlikely that a landline goes dead, but you drop calls on your cell phone all the time. As long as there is a need for near 100% reliability and connectivity, landlines will have a place… it just might not be in the home.

3D Television with Glasses:
The claim that I have an issue with is: “Michael Inouye, an analyst with New York’s ABI Research, says he doubts the claim of workable holographs by 2016 but says 3D television with glasses will be obsolete on the retail side within three to five years.” I don’t buy this for a second. I saw Avatar in 3D. I enjoyed the movie, but my enjoyment had nothing to do with 3D. For me 3D brings nothing to the table. I’m not even sure holographs bring anything to the table for me. If people wanted realistic viewing, they’d go outside. I don’t even think 3D TVs *with* glasses are going to take off, let alone TVs without glasses. Perhaps it’s my curmudgeon coming through, but I see this discussion as obsolete.

Metronomes and Tuners:
I’m surprised Watches aren’t on this list. Since it’s assumed everyone across the world is going to have a smartphone in 5 years, why would anyone need a watch? You don’t get much more stodgy than the classical music world. I don’t see these items disappearing in the next 20 years.

PDAs:
I’d actually argue that the PDA didn’t die, it evolved. Today’s smartphones are much more like PDAs of the past than they are like the phones of the past. Touchscreens, keyboards, calendars, “apps”… Perhaps the argument should be that cell phones, that are just phones, are the true dying technology here.

Point-and-shoot Digital Cameras:
I agree with this one. Prices for Digital SLRs are coming down fast for those who care about digital photos and quality. Smartphones are getting better and better at taking pictures for those who only care about taking pics on the fly. Smartphones are also better for sharing on the fly. Point-and-shoots are gone in less than a decade.

Power Cords:
This is one I’ve heard about for years. I’ve had a cordless toothbrush for almost 10 years, and I’m still amazed that there is no metal-to-metal contact to recharge it. But to increase the effective distance from millimeters to meters, well that’s a whole other story. Business Week says it’s only a year to three years off (which probably means 5 to 10). One random thought on this one: Scientists believe we are entering a new period where the earth will experience much greater sunspot activity. The impact to satellites, cell phones, or radio isn’t fully understood. Could sunspots interfere with wireless energy?

Remote Controls:
Now this is one death I could get behind! Everyone hates having 15 different remotes in the house. Universal remotes never work for everything, and are sometimes ridiculously big. Even smartphones aren’t any better than universal remotes. But Business Week is talking about hand motions and voice command. I just don’t see it. Humans are creatures of action. I don’t see people sitting in their house yelling at their TV to turn the volume down two notches. I’m sure voice technology will get better over time, but is there anything more annoying than trying to check on the status of your flight using one of those voice activated systems? My favorite is when I’m on the road trying to use it and background noise is interpreted as me saying something… “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand your request. Please try again”. Can you imagine your TV saying that?

USB Memory Sticks:
I think people are already relying too much on the internet and internal networks for data transportation. Sometimes you need something a little more secure and portable. All the discussion on Business Week about cloud computing is just filler. There will always be a need for secure transportable data that doesn’t include the internet or a network. It may not be USB in 5 years, but there will be something.

All in all I agree with most of the items on this list (except for Keys, I bet 50 years from now people still have physical keys). Perhaps this list is a good tool to help investors figure out which companies to invest in and which to avoid (I’m looking at you metronomes.net!). At any rate it will be fun to look back at this in 5 years and see who was right. Me, or Business Week.

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Fascinating article on Yahoo! Sports this morning. The gist of the story is that NFL Referees have the role of asking coaches to call timeouts to accommodate television network needs.

I’m not remotely surprised by this. If you’ve attended a number of professional sports games in person (and football is the worst) you’ll notice there is a lot of random downtime. When sitting at the Metrodome I’ve taken to watching a lot of the crew on the sidelines and the delicate choreographed dance they do to bring you the big game on your big screen TV.

At Vikings games my favorite guy on the field is a random person who wears bright orange gloves. Actually, gloves are the right word. Here in Minnesota we’d call them choppers. (Aside: surprisingly there is a page in wikipedia for choppers, but no detail yet. Essentially choppers are oversized mittens the go up the arm well beyond the wrist.) Anyway, this guy seems to be a director for some of the pauses on the field, and I think he wears those bright orange choppers so he can give hand signals that can be seen from a mile away (or in the upper deck nosebleeds where I sit).

Have you ever noticed when watching a game how the TV announcers will sometimes say, “And now we’ll go to Bob Jones, the PA announcer, to introduce Alicia Keys who will sing God Bless America”? And then on queue local PA guy does his intro. You can tell the networks are deeply involved in what goes on, but did any of us think it was to the extent.

It’s one thing to sit there waiting for the refs to give the ok to hike the ball after a commercial break, but it’s another thing to have the refs lobbying coaches to use unnecessary timeouts to create more ad revenue.

We’re way past the rabbit hole on this one…