wadE: not for the next gambit… but for Mauer to take grounders at first base.

Reports have been leaking out that the baby Jesus (or as I tried to name him, “the baseball Jesus”) has finally started taking some grounders at first base during pre-game warm ups. Although Joe Mauer has been as forceful as he can be about being the “catcher” for this team, it’s not feasible to pay a guy 23.5 million per year and have him sit out 2 out of every 7 games. The Twins need his bat (such as it is these days) in the lineup every day. If that means playing a little third base, outfield, or first base… so be it. The hometown boy’s shine has started to wear off (the team being 32-45 will do that). Even Shecky Souhan has started to rip into Mauer. Even Sid seems to be down on the golden boy . The Twins latest run started to make a previous gambit look bad, but never fear… this season is truly over.

Alex:

I think most of the recent hang-wringing over Mauer is short-sighted and reactionary, which is not uncommon to our times, but it is a little bit out of character for Minnesota sports fans. Mauer’s in his 8th season, and if we write off this season as one affected by injury, that means he’s been able to be productive about 75% of the time for 8 years. In 3 of those other 6 seasons, he was outstanding – one of the best players in the game, and certainly the best catcher. In the other three, he was merely the best catcher. If (and I’ll grant you, it’s a BIG if) he produces at the same rate over the life of his current contact, all of this season’s lather is gonna look pretty silly.

Note: I DO think it’s fair to wonder if any player in this market is worth as much money as Mauer is going to make, but it’s kinda too late to have that discussion, unless you want to wait a few years for him to return to being a superstar, build up his trade value, and THEN trade him… and yeah, see how well that goes over.

Wade A:

A lot of vitriol surrounding our boy Joe in the local media these days. While I understand, I can’t help but think that it might be misplaced. Is it Joe’s fault that:

- the team is underperforming as much this year as it overperformed last year? It can be argued that his presence in the lineup would certainly have helped the team win more games this season (we’ll assume his batting average would be higher than .200 if he’d played the entire season.) However, he can’t be blamed for the seemingly unending series of injuries to the rest of the lineup.

- we traded away both of our backup catchers who were able to able to hit a lick? It’s nice having Matt Capps at the back end of the bullpen, to be sure, especially with Joe Nathan still recovering. But did we really need to trade away someone of Wilson Ramos’s caliber for a closer, when this team has proven numerous times that we can “create” closers (Nathan, Guardado, Aguilera)? Did Bill Smith take a look at Mauer’s injury history and think “eh, he’ll be fine, we don’t need to have a quality backup catcher” when the Nationals said they wanted Ramos for Capps?

- he seemingly got some bad advice from the team’s trainers about coming back at the beginning of this season, instead of staying in Florida longer to get his body back in game shape?

- people in this state have unrealistic expectations when it comes to a player’s performance after he inks a big contract? Joe is still the same guy– a catcher who has an amazing knack for making contact the baseball but (let’s face it) is a little fragile– in 2004 (making $300k) as he is in 2011 (making $23,000,000). If nothing else, we should expect more injuries like this as he gets older while playing the most taxing position on the field.

I believe we’d be hearing none of this if the Twins were 45-33 instead of their current 33-45. The front office made bad decisions, injuries have struck every player in the lineup save for Cuddy and Valencia, and team has played badly. Fans want to lash out, even if it’s not aimed at the right target.

The NBA crowned a champion on Sunday night, and the NHL will do the same on Wednesday (or possibly Thursday, if it goes to OT(s)). With the championships happening roughly at the same time every year, it got us to wondering – which sport does the championship ceremony better. The crew weighs in after the jump.

Alex:

I cherry-picked this subject a bit, because for me it’s no contest, but I wanted to write it out anyway. There’s no better celebration in sports than when Lord Stanley’s Cup hits the ice. As soon as the game ends, the winning team floods the ice in celebration. Then after a bit, both teams line up and shake hands, which is probably the best tradition in sports. After that, the commissioner presents the Conn Smythe for the MVP of the Playoffs. (Side note: if my hunch is correct, we’ll see how gracious the Canucks fans are in victory when the award goes to the goalie from the losing team, Tim Thomas.) (Side note #2: The Conn Smythe has gone to a member of the losing team 4 times in history – 3 of those were goalies.) Then, finally, the commissioner presents the Stanley Cup to the Captain of the winning team, at which point it gets passed around to each teammate in turn, usually, of age, or experience, or how long they’ve played without winning a championship. It’s an iconic moment. Mark Messier, who’d already won FOUR times, laughing hysterically when presented with the cup in 1994… Joe Sakic, holding the cup for all of two seconds before immediately giving it to Ray Borque (who’d played 1600+ games in his career without winning) in 2001. It’s an unbeatable moment. I look forward to watching it tomorrow night.

Contrast this with Sunday’s NBA Final. The clock hit zero, and Dirk (who was incredible in the series) ran off to the locker room to cry alone. Some of the players stood around and congratulated each other, but it was hard to tell much of anything else because the floor was rushed with hundreds of people so that they could set up a freaking stage for the champions. I’m not sure why they need a stage, but whatever, I guess. Then the commissioner presented the finals trophy to the owner of the winning team (which was actually a nice moment on Sunday, with Cuban having it presented to the founder of the Mavs, but still). Finally, the award for Finals MVP gets handed out, which seemed anti-climactic at that point. Ho-freakin-hum.

wadE:

I am not sure I can actually answer this question since the last time I bothered to watch the NBA finals through the end, including the ceremony, has to be the mid-90s. So I went out to ESPN to watch some of the clips. Outside of the Stanley Cup being the best trophy in sports the actual ceremonies are all the same. Someone from the network comes out and talks, turns it over to the commissioner, who then hands the trophy over to someone (either the MVP, Captain, Owner, Coach, etc.). I give hockey the edge here only because of the rituals involved with the trophy during the ceremony: captain getting the trophy first, each player skating around with the cup, drinking champagne from the cup. Basketball is probably the most boring, with football being next, then baseball, then hockey.

Wade A:

As mentioned on Tuesday, we were discussing writing a Gambit about our favorite on-air talent at the local sports-talk radio station, KFAN. This is that Gambit.

wadE:

Hi-Fi, the Big Ticket, Bump… the best KFAN host is Dan Barreiro. None of the other hosts/shows can cover so much ground; talking about sports, politics, and beyond. And he does his show with intelligence, wit, and even some low-brow humor from time to time. He’s been named “Best Sports Talk Radio Host” by City Pages in 2005 and 2006. He’s the only host on KFAN that can pull fans in from the other AM stations in town. The only negative thing I can say about the show is the sidekick, Justin Gaard. Gaardsy brings little to the table besides being a (not-so) smart-ass. Gaard does a fine job of steering Barreiro, but tries to get his own thoughts and opinions in too much. But despite that, I give Barreiro the edge over the Powertrip.

Wade A:

I started listening to KFAN in September of 1996, when I was a sophomore in college. The first show I heard was The Common Man show. I liked it. Common was and is a unique listen, and provided a good alternative to the only other sports talk radio I’d heard up to that point (Sid Hartman and Dave Mona). I kept listening to Common over the next couple of years, while gradually adding a couple of other national offerings from the station– The Fabulous Sports Babe in the mornings, and Ferrell on the Bench in the evenings. After college, I traded in those shows (and Common) for Bob Yates and Jeff Dubay in the mornings, and Chad Hartman and Dan Barreiro for the evening commute. Long story longer: I’ve listened to a lot of hosts and shows over the past fifteen years.

Coming in a close second is the Power Trip Morning Show. This is a surprise. When I started working at UHG in 2006, I was driving into work for the first time in six years, and didn’t think I’d enjoy Mike Morris and his bobos. Too much football. Too much AC/DC. Too many fart jokes. And, all of that was true. Oddly, though, I listened to them enough that I ended up liking the personalities enough that I could gloss over the content that wasn’t in my wheelhouse. Even though I’m back on the bus these days, I still listen to the Power Trip each morning as I’m getting ready.

The winner, though, is Dan Barreiro. Back in his Strib days, he was easily my favorite columnist to read. While a little negative for my tastes (he’s the anti-Sid!), his acerbic prose was thoughtful and enjoyable to read. That translated well to the radio, even moreso after Hartman moved to his own show in 2001. He spends at least half of his time talking about things other than sports, and talks intelligently about them. He can rant and rave, of course, but that’s not his normal style, unlike many national sports talk radio hosts. While famously long-winded, his questions to both athletes and non-athletes are probing and move well beyond the superficial. (Although, if he’s truly impressed by or enamored with a particular guest, he does get pretty soft– find his interview of Bill Cosby on KFAN.com as evidence.) What I like most of all, though, is how he combines a bit of arrogance with an honest self-deprecating style. I don’t find many people with that combination, and it’s why Mr. Barreiro is my pick.

Alex:

I’m not a huge fan of the sports talk genre in general, but I’ve found that most of the shows on KFAN work for me because they don’t involve callers to any large degree, instead relying on hosts, sidekicks, and guests. You know, actual talent. I don’t listen much, but I’ve found The Power Trip to be amazingly funny at times (and borderline unlistenable at others). I like Paul Allen’s bit. He’s consistent, and he has good guests. If you really want a Minnesotan treat, do yourself a favor and tune into The Fan Outdoors. It’s an ah geez dere extravaganza, like the movie Fargo come to life.

But I’m on board with these other two yahoos that the Dan Barreiro show is the cream of the crop. Consistently entertaining guests, interesting topics, and intelligent conversation, almost even more so when the topics aren’t sports-related. The Bump gets my nod of approval for sures.

Thought you all might appreciate a look inside the inner workings of how we do things here at Gambit Central.

(I don’t necessarily think that, but it’ll be obvious why I’m doing this, shortly.)

Most of the work is done by email carrier pigeon. So for example, Alex sends out the topic, or in this case, this:

I’ve got a two-day hangover, a day off, and a doctor’s appointment at
Noon. So I’m not really in a thinking mood. Any suggestions for
topics for tomorrow?

Wade A helpfully replies:

I’m not sure how much of a listener you are, Alex, so this may not work,
but: Favorite KFAN hosts / show?

Alex signals his agreeability with the topic, and wadE does as well, with this missive:

I’m good with that… although I did entertain talking about Sarah Palin and Paul Revere…

Wade A responds:

The Americans are coming! The Americans are coming!

Alex replies:

Paul Revere shot those British in the face and then rang the Liberty
Bell about it! Rang it so hard that he cracked it!

…and then we all choose not to follow up on the topic at all for 48 hours. We’ll probably write about it on Thursday, but who knows, so stay tuned.

We didn’t have a strong theme contender for the Gambit today, so I’ve opened up the floor for a sports grab bag. I suggested the topics of Buster Posey/Catchers blocking the plate (Wade A suggested this last week), and Ricky Rubio’s long voyage overseas, but we may also wander off the reservation a bit to other subjects too. Read on for some quick takes after the break:

wadE:

Are people actually still talking about Buster Posey? I just saw that Billy Beane told his catcher, Kurt Suzuki, to get the hell out of the way (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=6613043). On one hand I see that as a ridiculous piece of advice from someone who should keep his mouth shut. On the other hand, it’s not a bad idea. What exactly is the point of a catcher blocking the plate? How much more effective is it than placing a tag? It seems that with a little time between the injury and now most people have calmed down and we shouldn’t see a rule change (thank god), but I also hope we don’t see more grandstanding by idiots like Billy Beane.

R-r-r-r-ricky R-r-r-r-rubio! The Spanish Conquistador will sail into Minnesota for the 2012… or maybe 2013 season if the NBA has a lockout. It seemed like this was inevitable over the past few weeks. Why risk a new rookie salary structure with a new collective bargaining agreement? As if on cue Rubio signed at the last moment on May 31st to lock in a max rookie deal. While his play over the past two years has not inspired the Wolves faithful, most scouts say he is the real deal and could be a great player. I won’t even begin to know the first thing about the NBA these days… if this were 1989 I’d speak with some confidence. All I know is the the T-wolves need something to put butts in the seats and hopefully Ricky will do that for more than a week whenever the next season starts.

Alex:

I’m torn on the Posey incident, (but not about the level of histrionics it’s inspired, although that’s a rant for a different time). On the one hand, a play at the plate and a collision can be one of the most exciting moments in baseball. (See this for reference – that play ended the 2003 NLDS.) On the other hand, this is no longer the 1980s, when baseball players weighed a buck-fifty, and the collisions weren’t as violent. I think overall I’m not inclined to want a rule change unless this kind of injury happens with more frequency, but neither would I think that a rule change is a terrible idea.

I’m going off topic for item two. So it appears that Alex Burrows bit Patrice Bergeron during last night’s Stanley Cup Finals game. Oh, Mr. Burrows. I know you’re one of those “love him if he’s on your team” types, but this is ridiculous. I would highly suggest that you play more to your talent (you’re on the Canucks top line!), and do less of what I’ll call heading down the Claude Lemieux career path. Because Darren McCarty types are out there too, Alex, and then you’ll have to turtle. You can always tell the turtlers, and I’d hate to see it end up there (of course, I’d enjoy watching it happen, too). I’m hoping this results in a one-game suspension and a wakeup call, but until Brendan Shanahan’s reign of terror officially commences, who knows what the discipline might be on this one.

Wade A:

BUSTER POSEY INJURED! REIGNING ROOKIE OF THE YEAR BREAKS LEG ON COLLISION AT THE PLATE! GIANTS PLAYERS SAY THE HIT WAS FAIR, BUT AT WHAT COST? IS IT TIME TO CHANGE BASEBALL’S RULES, WHICH HAVE BEEN IN PLACE FOR OVER ONE HUNDRED YEARS BECAUSE OF THIS CALAMITOUS, HORRIFIC OCCASION? POSEY’S AGENT SAYS SO, BUT HE’S CERTAINLY SPEAKING FROM AN UNBIASED POSITION. RIGHT?

That was the scroll at the bottom of the screen last Friday on ESPN 6. Or at least I assume it was. With at least two or three cable channels dedicated exclusively to sports news, the MLB Network, and however many ESPNs there are these days, finding enough content is an issue. Thusly, when a story like Posey’s comes along, they beat the hell out of it and generally make it much bigger of a deal than it deserves. Does the rule about blocking home plate (which is inconsistent with the rules governing every other base) need review? Maybe. Is Posey’s injury the reason it should be reviewed and, God forbid, changed? No. (As I joked to Alex and wadE, would we even be having this conversation if this had happened to Steve Holm or Rene Rivera?)

To quote the great philosopher Mike Tice: “Calm down… Calm down…”

I stumbled across a poll yesterday in our venerable news institution, the Star Tribune online. In it, they asked which Minnesota athlete was the “most iconic”, and gave the following options:

• Mikko Koivu
• Kevin Love
• Maya Moore
• Adrian Peterson
• Jim Thome

Read past the jump for our staff votes and editorials.

wadE:
Monty Brewster: What are you gonna vote?
Crowd: [in unison] None of the above!

What kind of shitty poll is this? Koivu? He’s not even an icon in Finland let alone Minnesota. Love? Call me when he wins more than 30 games. Moore? Hasn’t even played a minute here. Peterson? Close, on the cusp. Thome? Yes…if we were in Cleveland!

We all know the answer to this question is Joe Mauer. For better or worse he’s the most iconic pro athlete in the Twin Cities. Althought with only 34 at bats this year can you even call him a athlete? Anyway… we’re Minnesota. We’re as provincial as provincial gets. Local boy does good gets a lot of play here… especially when he does good here. The only way he could be bigger is if he switched it up and played QB for the Vikings… actually, he’d probably be the best QB on the roster if he did.

Wade A:

I agree with my finely named cohort’s assessment of the poll options: pick the best-known athlete from our professional sports teams (including the Lynx, of course) and nominate them, regardless of their iconic…ness…acity. Um. Right. Oh, except for the Twins– for them, pick the third- or fourth-most popular player on the team instead. (Editor’s note: I’m a big Thome guy. Love him. He’s got my theoretical vote for the Hall of Fame. But he’s had exactly one iconic moment in a Twins uniform. His inclusion makes zero sense.)

As much as it pains me to do twice in one gambit, I also agree with wadE’s take on the true most iconic pro in the Twin Cities: Joseph Patrick “Baby Jesus” Mauer. Who else would motivate thousands of fans to don faux sideburns in homage to his famous facial scruff? There have been more headlines featuring “bilateral leg weakness” than “Osama Bin Laden” in local newspapers. All three of my offspring own and wear Joe Mauer apparel. Why? Because that’s the only name they put on Twins gear for little people. (I do think Lil would look great in a Lombardozzi onesie, though. I’ll have to check eBay.)

Casting proneness to injury aside, Mauer is the easy choice. The only choice. However, when I look at the poll results today in the Strib, and see Adrian Peterson with twice as many votes as anyone else, I think Joe would’ve lost even if he’d been included. More than a provincial town, we’re a football town. And, given the Twins’ record this year… Go, um, Vikes.

Alex:
It’s a rare trifecta of agreeance here at the SP World Headquarters. There’s only one Minnesota athlete who gets to lip off to Kevin Butler. There’s only one Minnesota athlete who’s in a commercial with Troy Polamalu. There’s only one Minnesota athlete who’s an icon of any sort, and that’s Joe Mauer. Period. End of story. Jim Thome does have an ox in the batter’s box, though. I’ll grant you that.

Adrian Peterson is one of the best running backs in the NFL. That and a bag of chips will get you a bag of chips you can go eat with Barry Sanders, for all that being the best running back in the NFL is worth on its own. Kevin Love is one sexy outlet passer. [cf.]

Mikko Koivu is unquestionably the Wild’s best player, and MVP. They were well into playoff contention when he got injured this year, and the team promptly went straight into the crapper. (If they could get a few goal-scorers to help him out, that’d be fantastic, but that’s a different discussion.) Nevertheless, he’s not an icon.

Here’s what I will say: Maya Moore is the most likely person on this list to lead their teams to a championship any time in the next 3 years. It might not make her an icon, but at least she’ll be a winner.

In honor of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals being virtually upon us (and in the hopes of that being any sort of jinx to the Canucks), I asked the crew for nominations of their favorite Hockey Names. I intended it to be hockey players, of course, but wadE took it in a different direction (which I also liked). Read on after the jump:

wadE:
There is, er, was no better name in professional hockey than the Quebec Nordiques. French for “Northmen”, only Quebec could have a team with a French word as it’s team name. A perennial loser when they joined the NHL in 1979, courtesy of dispersal draft, they won the lottery in 1991 when they had the first pick in the draft and Eric Lindros was the consensus best player since Gretzky. Lindros refused to play for them, and the Nordiques were forced to trade him to the Flyers, who gave the Nordiques all the player they needed go on a 10 year run (culminating with a Stanley Cup win after a move to Denver and a change to the “Avalanche”). The Nordiques also had quite possibly the best (and by best, I mean worst) logo in sports history. http://www.hockeydb.com/ihdb/logos/logos.php?s=1992&t=47&sf Easily the best name (and logo) in the NHL.

[Ed: When apprised of the fact that I meant players, he then called dibs on Ron Tugnutt.]

Alex:
This ended up being more challenging than I’d expected, and not just in getting the spelling correct. So many wonderful names in hockey history: Guy Lafleur, Darius Kasparaitus, Haakan Loob … Mike Krushelnyski, Ruslan Fedotenko, even Jarkko Ruutu. But I gotta go with Esa Tikkanen, the only man in the league to have inspired his own language, Tikkanese! From wikipedia:

Tikkanen is famous for his Finnish-English, sometimes referred to as “Tikkanese” or “Tiki-Talk.” Even members of his team often did not understand what he was saying. Wayne Gretzky once commented, “He brings something special. I don’t know what it is, but if you ask him, you couldn’t understand his answer.” Former Edmonton Oiler coach and teammate Craig MacTavish said, “Esa talks twice as much as anybody else. That’s because you can understand just half what he says.”

Even fellow Finn Jari Kurri was not immune from the confusing language. During their tenure with the Oilers, Tikkanen let go with a particularly colorful pronouncement, after which another player turned to Kurri and asked, “What did he just say?” Kurri simply shook his head; “I have no idea.”

I’ve also heard Tikkanese described as “half Finnish, half grunt”. There’s also this, from the excellent euolgy of Pat Burns, written by Bob McKenzie:

…we were listening to a clip from then New York Ranger Esa Tikkanen, who was talking “Tikkanese” as only Esa could. We weren’t really sure what Tikkanen was saying because the words were all running together and Burnsie thought it was the funniest things he had ever heard. The only distinguishable things that came out of the interview for us were Joe Mansbreek and Gullen Gumble.

Burns said to me, “Who the (expletive) are Joe Mansbreek and Gullen Gumble?”

Having heard Tikkanese before, Hodge and I translated. “(Ranger goalie) John Vanbiesbrouck and (Ranger coach) Colin Campbell,” we told him.

Love it.

P.S. Team-wise, I’ll always have a soft spot for the North Stars logo.

Wade A:
Best hockey name, team edition: Philadelphia Quakers. The Quakers became the new name of the Pittsburgh Pirates (yup, we’re still talking hockey), after the team moved from Pittsburgh in 1930. Because of financial reasons, the team folded after one season. This probably wasn’t the worst thing in the world, as they finished with a record of 4-36-4, a mere 50 points behind the American Division-leading Boston Bruins in the standings. I just think it’s funny thinking about someone like this skating towards you:

Best hockey name, individual: Bill Houlder, 1987-2003 (various teams). Bill was a defenseman for the Buffalo Sabres during the ’93/’94 season, which is really the last year I knew who played on which team. (Thank you, SNES NHL ’94.) (“It’s in the game.”) Anyway, the only reason I picked him is because he spawned perhaps the wittiest nickname our little group has ever come up with: The Wallet.

Squirrel attacks Padres’ Bullpen.

Kahn defends ‘jokes’.

Charles Barkley: I had gay teammates.

A Harmon Killebrew Story.

Assorted commentary after the jump.

Alex:
Squirrel!

Who decides that picking up a squirrel with his bare hands is a good idea?

I love the Killebrew story, and Mark Rosen made it a point to say on the radio yesterday that he’d received email by the tens, maybe hundreds, that all related a similar story. What a great man – he will be missed.

Honestly, I think Barkley’s take is right on. There are right now, and probable have been for a long time, gay athletes in professional sports. I’m guessing at least some of their teammates know, and that most don’t care. Yes, there are insensitive idiots who still throw gay slurs around – they’re probably also making bigoted comments in general; some people are simply stupid. The people who would make a huge deal about it are the media, because (like Chuck said) society does still discriminate against gay people (as we know all too well here in MN right now). I would suspect that’s why no prominent athlete has come out yet, moreso than anything in the locker room.

wadE:
“I’ve got a dog that could take care of their SQ-earl problems…”

From the comments on the Killebrew story:
What a classic, touching story. I heard something similar recently about Joe Mauer and Michael Cuddyer, except Mauer promised the kid he’d ground out to second for him and Cuddyer promised to hit into a 6-4-3 double play. And they both did!

As for Khansie:
This is the first time I’ve actually liked Khan. The NBA is rigged, and the T-wolves got jobbed. Not over some smart-alec rich kid with a disease (although that does add to the charm of our reaming), but because LeBron thoroughly eviscerated the city of Cleveland… although with the Indians in first place, I don’t feel so bad for them anymore. Plus, I had missed that Khansie accused Beasley of smoking too much weed. I may be willing to give Khan a little more rope. Let’s see if he can get Rubio over here, and let’s see if we can be competitive in the next year or two. Besides, I’ve gone this long without giving a shit about the T-wolves… what’s another 2 years?

As for Chuck:
He’s right. Just about every player has played with or against someone who is gay. I was listening to KFAN on my drive into work and Morris said that he didn’t know it at the time, but he played with someone who is gay (Esera Tuaolo). However, I’m not sure that all players are ready for gay teammates. I am not saying a person should stay in the closet, but if a player comes out they shouldn’t expect it to be all rainbows and lollipops in the clubhouse. With that being said, the environment is far more friendly now than 20 years ago. I believe with in 5 years we’ll have our first active player (male) to come out the closet while still playing. It’ll be a big deal when it happens, and it will probably negatively affect that players performance on the field/court. But it will open the door and 15 years from now we won’t even remember what the big deal was about.

Alex:
This category is so far out of my wheelhouse that I considered just nominating Mama’s Family and ceding the floor. However, I do have a serious nomination: The Simpsons. Granted, I haven’t watched a new episode in at least five years, but Homer Simpson deserves to be in the conversation for ‘funniest character ever’, and I’ll put seasons 3 through 10 up against all comers. And it’s still on the air, so it fits the criteria. Now I’ll cede the floor to two people who actually watch television.

wadE:
The best comedy show on TV right now is clearly Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show”. No other show on TV can make you laugh, think, be outraged, and motivate over 200,000 people to show up for an outdoor event at the Washington DC Mall. But don’t take my word for it. Awards: Emmys for Best Variety, Music or Comedy Series – 8 years running, 2 Peabody Awards, one of Time Magazine’s Top 100 TV Shows of All-Time. Viewership: in October of 2010 The Daily Show bested Letterman and Leno with 1.3 million viewers in 18-49 demographic, the first time a show besides Leno or Letterman has ever topped that list. Longevity: 14 years (12 under Jon Stewart). Material: nothing is funnier than real life… and Fox News anchors. Hands down… The Daily Show.

Wade:
This was a hard decision, as there are any number of shows on my DVR that make me laugh out loud right now. The Soup, The Daily Show, Big Bang Theory, Parks and Recreation, and Modern Family have all become regulars, and each in a unique way. However, the best of the bunch is NBC’s 30 Rock. The writing is brilliant– like the now defunct Arrested Development, it aims high instead of at the lowest-common denominator. While this means the show will never have the audience of a (cough, cough) Two and a Half Men, it ensures that people who like a little intelligence with their humor are entertained. But it’s not heady stuff at all– Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) being tormented by a plastic grocery bag (featuring, apparently, genitalia), Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) asking for a cup of sugar to entice a hummingbird to drink out of his penis, Dr. Leo Spacemen (brilliantly played by Chris Parnell) saying things like “Now this is surgery, so don’t eat anything before you come in. Because I’ll have a big breakfast waiting for you…” It’s brainy irreverence, executed perfectly. Go see it.

wadE:
Officially? No. It’s only early May… er, mid-May, and the Twins are only 6.5 back of Detroit; and the Indians can’t keep this up all year… right? (I’ve already written off the Royals).

But in actuality the season is over. The Twins can point to injuries as the reason they are struggling, but there are 6 regulars who have not missed significant time. Only two of them have an OPS+ over 100. The pitching staff has been as bad as anyone could have possibly guessed. Joe Nathan is D-U-N done. The Twins pitching staff, who has led the league in fewest walks more often than not in the past decade, is now second to last. The Twins “Wins Above Replacement” value is 0.4. Meaning that a team of replacement players would have about the same record. Is there time for a turnaround? Sure. But every hope for the 2012 season would have to come to fruition, and fast.

Such as: Mauer stays healthy and hits with some power, Morneau plays like an MVP contender, Valencia follows up his rookie year with another solid year, Delmon continues to build, Casilla isn’t awful, starting pitching all steps up a notch, and Nishioka (while not the second coming of Ichiro) is better than Cuddyer at second.

In closing… don’t hold your breath.

Alex:
How’s this for a barometer: I need to open up a roster spot on my Fantasy team for a player coming off the DL. I’m thinking about cutting Justin Morneau to do it. Cutting. Morneau’s been the player wadE and I have considered to be the best Twins hitter in recent years, not Mauer. It’s hard to say whether or not he just needs extra time to get his swing back after missing 2/3 of a calendar year with a concussion, but he’s been really bad this season. And the rest of the team who’s names aren’t Span and Kubel have been as bad or worse. No one knows when Mauer’s coming back (and his replacements have been terrible), there’s no proven SS in the organization, no one knows how well Nishioka will play at 2B when he comes back, Thome looks like he might finally be done at 40… the only near-future bright spot is that Delmon Young will be back soon. The same Delmon Young who some suggested the Twins might want to sell high on after he had a good year last year.

And that’s just the offense.

The pitching staff is perhaps less dire overall. Baker, Blackburn, and Duensing have all been pitching about where they should be expected to (aside from the staff-wide walk epidemic). The biggest problem is that Pavano and Liriano haven’t pitched like the aces they were touted as. Liriano in particular has a strikeout rate that is half of what his career average is, which makes it an honest question to wonder if he’s injured. Or worse, just done already. The bullpen hasn’t been great, but is also exactly at league average when it comes to blown saves, so it probably only looks worse because the rest of the team has been so bad that we assume the ‘pen is too.

Personally, I think last year was the exception year. Where everyone played above their heads and things broke right and we made the playoffs. I think this year is done, if for no other reason than it looks like the Indians and Royals won’t be punching bags for the rest of the division. I think the Twins are looking at a minor rebuilding phase for the next few seasons. And if Morneau doesn’t come back, it’ll be a major rebuild instead.

Wade A:
Over? Did you say “over?” Nothing is over until we decide it is!!

Bluto’s psychotic, but absolutely right– and so are Twins fans who believe that the 2011 season is still salvageable.

This season’s 12-23 is the offspring of underperformance, injury, and poor strategy from the front office. I’m (really, really) trying to convince myself that it’s reasonable for the team to overcome those first two challenges to vie for the playoffs this year. We’ll handle that last item when we have a less strict word count.

Briefly, as this is a gambit, let’s tick through each position and predict whether things will improve, decline, or stay the same as the season progresses:

C – Frick, we couldn’t get any worse here. Sal’s kid and someone named Rene are making NL pitchers look like Barry Bonds. Joe will be back in mid-June and, fully rested, will perform like he did last year. Improve.
1B – Oh, I love the big, scruffy, soft-headed Canadian. He’s clearly still trying to regain his confidence at the plate and in the field. He won’t get back to MVP caliber (this year, at least), but he’ll eventually start looking better than Luis Rivas up there. Improve.
2B – Nishi, Nishi, Nishi. We jump when big, ugly Yankees are lumbering towards us. I think Nishioka’s output is still unpredictable, but second base cannot get any worse than it’s been. Improve.
SS – Really? We thought the fourth time would be the charm with Casilla? How’s that working out? Unless the front office does a trade to add salary to an already record-setting (for the Twins) salary, shortstop will be a mash-up of Plouffe, Tolbert, and Casilla. Which is terrible, but it also won’t get worse. Stay the same.
3B – Danny Salvatore wasn’t going to repeat his 2010 breakout. He apparently didn’t get this news, because he looks like he’s starting to press at third and in the batter’s box. Critiques from his manager, as we heard yesterday, isn’t going to help that. Not seeing good things in the future here. Decline.
LF – Delmonzie is about to get back from the DL. While I (again) don’t think he’ll repeat his 2010 season, he’ll produce better than the bagged-out, dried-up slunken meat we’ve been throwing out there so far. Improve.
CF – The Span abides. Stay the same.
RF – Our favorite clubhouse magician again sticks his tongue out at conventional wisdom and is having a terrible season during the last year of his contract. I honestly think the jig is up with Cuddy and he’ll leave Minnesota with a whimper. Stay the same.
DH – Can Kubel keep it up? I think so. Stay the same.

SP – Okay, Pavano’s been really, really bad. And so has F-Bomb, with the exception of that little no-hitter. Those guys will get better, and the rest of the rotation will continue to muddle through as the little pitch-to-contact-engine-that-could that they are. Overall, though: Improve
RP – Will Nathan get his mojo back? I think so. Despite all of the off-season hand wringing, the rest of the bullpen hasn’t been that bad. (And, yes, I watched Matt Capps implode yesterday with my own eyes.) As soon as Nathan recovers, everybody moves back a spot as far as leverage, and that will only make things better. Improve.

Outside of the left side of the infield and our troubled Cuddy Buddy, I see improvement (or, from the two people who are actually performing okay, sustained output) for the rest of the team. Does that mean we finish ahead of Cleveland and Kansas City? Yes. Does that get us into the playoffs? Time will tell.