Short version: Donne Wahlberg’s finest hour.

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all ze week. Make no mistake, this isn’t a particularly good movie. It’s a paint-by-numbers, ensemble cast, heist/gangster movie that doesn’t vary from a formulaic script. There’s some mistaken identity, and a hit gone wrong, and in the end some characters get redemption, the good guy gets the girl, and everyone more or less lives happily ever after.

However, there’s something to be said for a movie just being what it is, and this isn’t a flat-out bad movie. Pete Postlethwaite is an entirely believable crime boss, Claire Forlani (his daughter) is beautiful, Wahlberg is actually halfway decent, and I didn’t hate Michael Rappaport. The rest of the cast fill their roles well, there are no manufactured ‘shocking’ plot twists, and it clocks in at a nice, trim 95 minutes. I watched Triggermen, and while I was bored at times, I found myself, if not entirely entertained, at least not angry.

That said, there will be no repeat viewings of the movie, and I only recommend it if you want something vanilla. Official review: Meh.

Short version: they took source material that I thought would be completely unwatchable as a movie, and turned it into a movie.

Seriously. A movie about how the Oakland A’s general manager used unconventional thinking and statistics to build a winning baseball team for the 2002 season. ‘Statistics’ and ‘Baseball’ are not words that you build a dramatic movie around. I enjoyed the movie, but I wasn’t captivated by it. I feel like I enjoyed it because I am nerd enough to have enjoyed the book, and I feel like it probably has some appeal to more casual baseball/sports fans.

I do also generally enjoy Brad Pitt.

The performances were fine. Pitt was good, Philip Seymour Hoffman actually looked quite a bit like Art Howe (although he just sounded like himself), and Jonah Hill was also good. And that’s pretty much it. It was well written, and it told the story of a baseball season.

wadE and I agreed on the word ‘underwhelmed’. It’s a nice, watchable movie. Great for Netflix/Redbox prices, and a good movie for baseball/sports fans and/or people who just want to watch Brad Pitt look good for 2 hours. I’m not sure how it got an Oscar nomination for anything, let alone Best Supporting Actor In a Role about a Nerd with barely 20 lines in the whole movie. (What? It was just Best Supporting Actor? Huh.)

So, yeah. Moneyball. I suspect you already have an idea about whether or not you’re interested in seeing it, and I’m here to tell you that whatever you’ve already decided, you’re right. Stick to your guns.

The short version: numerous good points don’t overcome a bad ending.

(But backing up, a quick intro. We’re gonna try this thing. I posted this on The Facebook this morning, that I want to make Thursday night “Movie Night”. Hopefully I’m either gonna see something in theater, or start working through my backlog of Netflixes. Even more hopefully, I’m gonna write up reviews. We’ll see how this goes…)

Layer Cake (2004), starring Daniel Craig, and featuring quite a good ensemble cast, including two members of The Order of the Phoenix (Dumbledore and Shacklebolt, if you must know). Jokes aside, Michael Gambon was good in his role, and Tom Hardy is the other ‘known’ name, although his role was smaller. And Sienna Miller was, of course, gorgeous (but that was pretty much all she had to do in this one, was look gorgeous).

Pretty straight forward Brit Crime/Gangster/Suspense movie. Well written for the most part, well paced, plenty of twists and turns in the plot, but not confusingly so. Fairly easy to keep everyone straight, which is good in an ensemble cast while characters are dying and you’re trying to keep factions and loyalties straight, etc, so on and so forth.

I enjoyed it, right up until the last 30 seconds, which were absolutely pointless. I didn’t see any of the original marketing for this film, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they teased it with the SHOCKING twist at the end. I thought it was uninspired, and honestly unnecessary.

I guess overall I do recommend seeing this if you’re in the mood for something in the Snatch/Lock Stock vein. Just keep your expectations low.

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, mostly because I stopped going to movies for a while there. I’m now back on the horse, so let’s roll through some mini-reviews for a few flicks I’ve been out to see lately.

Unstoppable

Tony Scott movies are my brain candy, and this one did not disappoint. Denzel Washington and Chris Pine are train driver and conductor, working to stop a runaway train. Strong performances from both, and the usual deluge of action sequences, combined with a strong bunch of supporting character actors (Ethan Suplee, Kevin Corrigan, and Rosario Dawson, most notably), makes Unstoppable a watcher.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part I)

Ah The Potter. These have all been solid movies (although I continue to miss the original Dumbledore), and this one is no exception. Likely the only thing that keeps me from raving about the movies is that I’ve read the books. I enjoyed watching the cast finally get to act as adults in this one, and am very much looking forward to Part II in July.

I’ve also noticed a sub-current of “Emma Watson is hot” commentary going around lately, and while that’s as may be, as far as this cast goes, there’s nobody more attractive than Clèmence Poèsy, and that’s just a fact.

Easy A

I’m only mildly ashamed to admit that I went to see this. Another modernized classic remake in the mold of ’10 Things I Hate About You’, set in a present-day high school, of cousre. This one’s a take on ‘The Scarlet Letter’. The movie’s about what you’d expect it to be, there are some good laughs, Emma Stone is adorable, and as a bonus it doesn’t drag itself out, lasting only 92 minutes.

127 Hours

Outstanding movie. James Franco’s performance is excellent, and remember that this is based on a real event, which jacks up the squeamishness, knowing that an actual person actually had to do that to himself. Even knowing how it was going to end, I was pretty tensed up for most of the movie. Oh, and Clèmence Poèsy is ridiculously cute in this movie as well.

Side note: has any one director absolutely nailed a more dissimilar group of movies now than Danny Boyle? 127 Hours, Slumdog Millionaire, Trainspotting, an awesome sci-fi movie (Sunshine), a distopian story (The Beach), even a freakin’ zombie movie (28 Days Later). Can’t wait to see what he does next.

The Town

Good movie, and another strong directorial effort from Ben Affleck (Gone Baby Gone), who also stars. A good role for him, letting Jeremy Renner and Jon Hamm do a lot of the heavy lifting, and Rebecca Hall does a wonderful job in the first movie I’ve seen her in since The Prestige. Solid turns from two of my favorite supporting actors, Pete Postlethwaite and Chris Cooper, as well. Nothing overly surprising as far as the plot goes, but a very solid, gripping movie nonetheless.

It’s apparently the 30th Anniversary of the release of The Empire Strikes Back, a fact which Spike TV is using to run a Star Wars marathon all weekend. So that’s cool.

But here’s a fact I wasn’t aware of: George Lucas didn’t write the screenplay. He wrote the story, but two other writers did the screenplay.

Naturally, I will be using this fact to support my preference that Empire is the best movie of the six. I couldn’t put my finger totally on it before now, but could it be because the dialog is just a little bit better in Empire?

In any case. Happy Anniversary, Empire. You’re lookin’ pretty good for 30.

So I watched A Serious Man last night, fully expecting to like it. And I mean obviously it was well done, and clever, and it’s the Coen Brothers, and I usually like what they do, and you all know I like a good dark comedy. But it was seriously (pun intended) depressing, and the ending was both depressing and abrupt. And but so what I’m wondering is:

Am I just not Jewish enough to really get the movie?

Anyone out there want to chime in and help me out on this one? Kthx.

‘Kick-Ass’ star, 19, engaged to 43-year-old was the headline. Now I’m not one to look down my nose at older women scooping up younger men. The double standard of older men and young women has been in place far too long.

But dude… you really could do better. It’s one thing for a young guy to hook up with Demi Moore… but really? She’s more than twice your age, and has a daughter 6 years younger than you.

Just creepy no matter how you look at it.

I’m clearly a little off my game. A famous Hollywood icon¹ passes, and it takes me a full nine days to realize that it’s a chance to run one of my favorite skits. Ah well, at least I did eventually think of it.

So, without further ado, let’s all gather ’round and let the boys on the Satellite of Love serenade us with a rendition of Let’s Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, inspired by Crow’s favorite movie: Roadhouse. Call me crazy, but this may just be the Swayziest Christmas of them all.

P.S. Yes, I know it is a little early for Christmas music, but what the hey.

Those of you who know me, know that I’m a big fan of movie director Christopher Nolan. The Prestige is one of the first two or three movies that come to mind when people ask me What’s your favorite movie?, and both Memento and even The Dark Knight would come close to placing Top 10. So the fact that Nolan is now working on a new sci-fi mind bender of a movie is big big news to me. Read on past the break for the first trailer.

I was planning on seeing Inglorious Basterds anyway, so the fact that this is running before it only makes it that much more certain that I’ll go. Without further ado, the teaser:

I know you can’t much tell from that clip, but the cast is solid too. Leo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard, even old Nolan fave Michael Caine. One name that won’t jump out at you (but should) is Joseph Gordon-Levitt.¹ He’s got a lead role right now in (500) Days of Summer, and if it turns out he’s the lead villain in Inception, his stock is clearly on the rise. (Note: 500DoS is good, and do yourself a favor and go rent another JGL-led movie titled Brick – just trust me on that last one.)

In summation: Summer of 2010. Inception. Get Ready.

(Big h/t on this one to The Movie Mash – I like not having to obsess at all about this movie, because I know Barrett will do it for me.)

WARNING: Spoilers ahead. Turn back if you do not want to know plotlines (or holes in plotlines) from Terminator Salvation. You have been warned.

Alex and I recently took in Terminator Salvation. For me this was the most anticipated Terminator movie. After the original I had been far more interested in post-Judgment Day than any thing leading up to it.

The movie itself was… entertaining. I had heard that it was bad, even worse than T-3 (!!!), so I went in with low expectations. The vision of the post-apocalyptic in the film is different than I had hoped, but had some features I liked (the resistance having submarines and jets for example).

However, a couple hours after the movie I started to have some thoughts, that turned into questions, that turned into giant holes in the plot, that really started to piss me off.

How could a movie with a history as rich as the Terminator series be butchered so badly by the writers?

I’m not sure if it is comforting, but I’m not alone in these thoughts. Relatively well written here. But below are my own personal observations and take on the plot holes in the movie.

#1 – The first plot hole (and biggest in my opinion) occurs early in the movie. A SkyNet communication is intercepted that has what essentially is a hit list. John Connor is only number 2 on the list, Kyle Reese is number 1. Seems perfectly plausible at first since we (the audience) know that Reese is Connor’s father. But how does SkyNet know this? Reese hasn’t been sent back in time yet, and Arnold/Robert Patrick/Kristanna Loken from the first 3 movies could not have told SkyNet this information. If SkyNet had Reese as the number one on their hit list, why didn’t it kill him as soon as he was identified?

I did find a website that defended these plot holes and they do have a logical explanation for this one: Skynet [sic] does not know Time Travel is a possibility and only knows Jon [sic] is its main adversary in the present and the guy on the radio who has likely mentioned he is searching for Kyle Reese. Even when Skynet learns Jon Connor’s father’s name when Marcus plugs in this is illogical and assumes this is another Kyle Reese there were 6 billion humans. Why would it send a Terminator in the past to kill Sara Connor knowing the man sent to protect her would be his father?
Ok, I can see that John Connor would possibly mention that he’s looking for Kyle Reese, and Reese’s radio has been broken so he wouldn’t know about John mentioning that he’s looking for him. That’s a good point (even though it’s a stretch the SkyNet would rate Reese higher just because he his name is mentioned via radio and the rest of that explanation doesn’t make a lick of sense), but a “real” writer would have somehow let the audience know this. This explanation is pure speculation, and proves that these writers are no-talent ass clowns. What would have worked much better was leaving Reese’s name off the hit list. It’s very possible for SkyNet to know what everyone looks like (facial recognition shots recognizing Kyle Reese), and SkyNet doesn’t take any specific individual action against Reese until Marcus syncs with SkyNet. Now that makes sense.

#2 – Speaking of the hit list… why would SkyNet have John Connor as high as number 2 on its list? I realize he’s broadcasting on a regular basis, and rallying humankind would pose a huge threat, but in the movie he is not in charge of anything until his commander dies. It’s obvious he has the respect of the other men and women in the resistance, but wouldn’t the generals in the submarine be a larger concern? Anyone can pick up the microphone and broadcast to humankind. Again, it’s quite possible to explain this away by saying something like: Connor broadcast that he was the savior of mankind. And yet again, a real writer would have let us know this.

#3 – Explosion of SkyNet’s HQ. In the laboratory inside SkyNet’s HQ in San Francisco John finds new power sources for Terminators that are nuclear “enough to blow this place” (I might be paraphrasing that). He wraps some explosives around those nuclear fuel cells and as they fly out on a helicopter he sets the charge off. A couple things here. I don’t know the range of remote detonators but in the movie I would guesstimate that the helicopter is within one mile of the building when the explosion goes off; within the realm of possibility. But if that is the case, wouldn’t the resulting shockwave (graphically shown in the film) destroy the helicopter?

#4 – Not exactly a plot hole, but heavy handed, “hack-ish” writing. I understand and generally applaud the thought of giving some nods to the past. Reese saying “coming with me if you want to live”, Connor saying “I’ll be back”, and Guns ‘n’ Roses song from T2 blaring out of a boombox. Cute… very cute, but too cutesy for me. One other item caught my ears though. Just as SkyNet is about to destroy the submarine the Russian General says (and I’m definitely paraphrasing here): “You fool, you’ve killed us all”. And the reason I’m paraphrasing is whatever he actually said, all I could hear in my head is the moment in The Hunt for Red October where Captain Tupolev (the Russian Captain sent to kill Connery’s Ramius) removes the safety devices on his torpedoes and right before his own torpedo is about to blow up his own submarine one of his officers says to him: “You fool, you’ve killed us all”. The Russian General in Terminator Salvation… was also in The Hunt for Red October. I believe ham-handed would be an apt word to describe the screenwriters.

#5 – This last one didn’t actually occur to me until I started doing some research, but it’s a good example that I haven’t seen explained away or refuted. One could argue deus ex machina, but… How does SkyNet know that releasing Marcus will eventually lead John Connor to come to its HQ? Even if you argue that SkyNet could have put subconscious instructions into Marcus’ head, it seems like pretty astronomical odds that SkyNet would have any indication that Marcus could find John Connor let alone talk him into coming to San Francisco.

Now I’m not a person who requires all loose ends tied up and a happy Hollywood ending to my movies. And you have to suspend reality to enjoy summer popcorn flicks. But I do require some craftsmanship and some level of honoring the mythology you are building on.

One last item of note from the FAQ on imdb.com courtesy of aintitcool.com:
Alright so the main character is a cyborg named Marcus. For some background, Marcus was a criminal who was executed in 2003. He donated his body to Project Angel which was involved with SkyNet. They take his body and make a terminator out of him so he’s a terminator skeleton but has living muscle/skin and a beating heart too. At the end of the movie John Connor is fighting a T800 model 101 and loses. He dies and the top resistance people come up with a plan to help the resistance keep fighting on. The resistance feels that it’s important to keep the image or idea that John Connor is still alive so the resistance keeps going. So they rip off Marcus’ skin and put John Connor’s on the skeleton so now Marcus is John Connor. Although it is fake, that was the original ending of the film. Warner Bros. had stuck to this ending, and when it was leaked, they had to rewrite the whole third act, which had apparently tested better.

I actually kind of like that ending. A sort of Skylar/Nathan thing from Heroes. Makes more sense than a heart transplant in the middle of the desert… but hey, at least that makes more sense than the rest of the movie.