An e-mail discussion about the wave (spurred on by this post) with the other SP yahoos reminded me of a list I compiled for sparklegirl several years back before a Twins game. She was wondering about behavior expectations at a baseball game, and, being a dork, I came up with a list. From what I can remember, here is Wade’s Rules for Proper Baseball Game Attendance Etiquette. (Or, y’know, WRPBGAE.)

+ No wave. It’s not as cool as you think it is. If you must, do it without getting out of your seat and disrupting my view of the game. Exception: Kids. (Mostly because they’re short.)

+ No cell phones.

+ If you happen to catch a foul ball, give it to the littlest person around you.

+ If you happen to catch a home run from the opposing team, do *not* yield to the “throw it back” chants. That’s both silly and reductive (the Cubs started it). If you feel the need to get rid of it, see the above rule.

+ Wait until the half-inning break to leave and come back to your seat. This might actually be the cardinal rule for me. My reaction ranges from the stinkeye to under-the-breath “RUDE,” depending upon how much beer I’d consumed by that point.

+ Have the correct change for the vendors who sell food and beverages in the aisles. Also: Tip generously.

+ Don’t wear apparel from opposing teams or other sports leagues. Twins apparel is encouraged but not mandatory.

+ Don’t leave until the game is over. Exception: When you’re with your kids. (Mostly because it’s too expensive to keep plying them with popcorn and ice cream for three hours.)

I hope this doesn’t come off as curmudgeonly. I simply feel that one’s behavior at a game should be respectful of the people who want to actually watch the game. I’m all about the between-inning tomfoolery. Your Kiss Cam. Your Twins Triva. (Really Trevor Plouffe? You admit that “Jersey Shore” is your favorite reality show?) Your Bon Jovi sing-along. Just keep it down during the actual game-play itself; I’d like to see Nishioka strike out in peace.

The team here at SP started this list last year, but in classic SP style we never quite finished. With how bad the Twins are doing this year, it seems like it was kismit that we’d wait until now to publish. Without further ado…enjoy.

With last year being the Minnesota Twins 50th season the Twins organization had created a list of the 50 Greatest Twins. In response the Strib’s Michael Rand tried to come up with the 50 Worst Twins of all time. Through responses to his blog he collected a measley 42 names: “We didn’t want to stretch to get to 50, so we stopped at 42.”

Stretch? It shouldn’t be a stretch to find 50 terrible twins. It just means you didn’t try hard enough. In an effort to rectify that poor performance the top-notch staff here at Simpleprop are ready to step up to the challenge and give you your 50 Worst Twins of All-Time!

Some ground rules. Since we’re all in our 30s we chose to limit players to those we have seen or are at least familiar with. As Wade A mentioned during our deliberations, “I’m sure Eddie Bane sucked, but I have no proof.” We will create this list via a draft, with Wade A getting the first pick, Alex going second, and wadE going third. We’ll reveal our list in reverse draft order.

So without further ado, here are the 50 Worst Twins of All-Time* (* – “All-Time” meaning since 1980 or so)

Mr. Irrelevant. Steve Holm

49. David West

48. Boof Bonser

47. Mike Fetters

46. David Ortiz

45. J.T. Bruett

44. Joe Roa

43. J.D. Durbin

42. Craig Monroe

41. Houston Jimenez

40. Phil Nevin

39. Alexi Casilla

38. Jose Parra

37. Deolis Guerra

36. Carmelo Castillo

35. Tippy Martinez

34. Rich Becker

33. Chris Latham

32. Midre Cummings

31. Tom Nieto

30. Sal Butera

29. Drew Butera

28. Joe Niekro

27. Sean Bergman

26. Scott Ulger

25. Steve Carlton

24. Alex Ochoa

23. Joe Mays

22. Scott
Klingenbeck

21. Gregg Olson

20. Carlos Pulido

19. Tony Batista

18. Kevin Maas

17. Ron Davis

16. Alex Cole

15. Bret Boone

14. Adam Johnson

13. Juan Castro

12. Matt Walbeck, 1994-1996. His wikipedia page says it all: Although his professional career-started off very well-he hit .314 in 51 games in 1987-he would eventually level out and become an average hitter. He was not much of a power hitter, nor did he consistently hit for a high average.
Walbeck was part of a horrific string of catchers between Brian Harper and A.J. Pierzynski. His OPS+ during his Twins tenure was 47 and his WAR was -1.7, meaning if a replacement level play had played his position during his time with the Twins, they most likely would have won two more games with all things being equal.
Also worth noting: Of all catchers with at least 2000 plate appearances from 1990-2009, he had the worst career OPS (on base percentage plus slugging percentage).

11. Luis Rivas, 2000-2005. 2000 plate appearances at .262/.307/.383 (and that’s slightly *better* than his career line) is plenty reason enough to make this list. Granted, there probably wasn’t anyone better in the system, and there were other free agent needs, but Rivas was more or less just handed a job for five years without having to back it up with, you know, actual production.
Side note: I have what I suspect is a one-of-a-kind piece of Luis Rivas memorabilia. An official red Twins jersey with his name and number stitched on. For those of you who know the history of the Dairy Queen jerseys, they were only worn twice, in 1997 (so it’s unlikely it was ever officially produced). Someone must have thought enough of Rivas to have one of these jerseys custom made… then thought better of it and sold it for cheap on Ebay.

10. Bernardo Brito, 1992-1995. To say that the Twins’ outfielders lacked power in the early 1990s would be a grave understatement. The average number of home runs for the Twins’ starting outfielders between ’91 and ’94? 13, 15, 15, and 13. (Although 1994′s totals were hampered by both a shortened season and Alex Cole.) I remember talk of a young, power-hitting phenom who was tearing up the Pacific Coast League, though– one Bernardo Brito.

At least, fifteen years later, the Twins have realized that losing a bit of plate discipline is acceptable in order to keep a power hitter or two on the roster. (They’ve realized that, right?)

9. Denny Hocking, 1993-2003. Hocking epitomizes what is the achilles heel of the Minnesota Twins… their affinity for light hitting utility players who play in over 100 games per season. There is a place on every team for these players, but it’s not playing in the majority of games over the course of a season, and certainly not playing DH! Hocking played all non-battery positions in a season 5 times. He was thought to be a better fielder than he was, and was as bad at the plate as his numbers indicate (.252/.310/.351). This combination of versatility and futility is something the Twins can’t help but gravitate towards (see also: Punto, Nick). The only positive thing I can say about the 11 unimpressive season’s that Hocking gave the Twins is that it costs less than $4 million; which happens to be less than 1 year of Nick Punto.

8. Scott Aldred, 1997. Aldred’s 1997 season, to me, epitomizes the Twins’ starting pitching of the mid-90s. Claimed off of waivers from the Tigers in 96, Aldred finished the season with passable numbers, a winning record (6-5), and just enough glimpses of hope that you thought he could be a decent middle-of-the-rotation starter. Well, for the mid-90s Twins anyway. Then he goes out in 97 and throws up a 7.68 ERA and 1.68 WHIP while going 2-10. At least Johan Santana eventually came along to take the PTSD away from seeing jersey #57 take the hill.

7. Sidney Ponson, 2007. Poor primary and secondary numbers? Out-of-shape, even by a pitcher’s standards? Multiple DUI arrests? Jailed in his home country for punching a judge on a beach on Christmas Day? “Don’t mind if we do,” said the Twins front office in 2007, signing Aruban (a reuben? yum) right-hander Ponson to a minor-league contract. Sloppy Sidney lasted only seven starts for the Twins, going 2-5 with an ERA of 6.93 and a WHIP barely shy of 2.000. Released just six weeks into the season, Ponson represents the worst investment of $1,000,000 of Pohlad cash not involving the name “Punto.”

6. David McCarty, 1993-1995. McCarty was drafted in the first round by the Twins, 3rd overall, in 1991. Other
notables from the first round picked after McCarty: Dmitry Young (4th), Manny Ramirez (13th), Cliff Floyd (14th), and Shawn Green (16th). Assumed to be the first heir apparent to Hrbek’s spot at 1st base McCarty wowed the Twins in his first year with a line of: .214/.257/.286 and an OPS+ of 46. During his time with the Twins he had a WAR of -3.6. Which means during his 2.5 seasons with the club he cost them nearly 4 games compared to a replacement player. The McCarty era ended in mid-2005 when he was traded to the Reds for John Courtright (who pitched exactly 1 inning in his entire career, for the Reds…).

5. Jeff Reboulet, 1993-1996. The first in a long and celebrated line of Twins Futility Infielders. The FI gets around 200 ABs a year but only bats in the .250 range. Plays multiple positions ‘well’, and to hear the manager tell it, this skill is essential to ‘give some guys a day off here and there’. Fine, perhaps, but would it be too much to ask this player to be just a teeny bit better when he is in the lineup? Jeff Reboulet, in his five years with the Twins: 1000ABs, .248 average, and played all eight fielding positions. Check, check, and check.

Perhaps not coincidentally, the #2 most similar player to Reboulet listed at baseball-reference.com: Nick Punto.

4. Pat Mahomes, 1992-1995. Nobody represents the ineptitude of the Twins’ pitching in the early- to mid-nineties like Pitchout Pat. There was a palpable sense of dread whenever he took the mound, as everyone– fans, players– knew that the team’s chance of winning was slim. Mahomes lost 28 games (while winning 18) for Minnesota in three-plus years before he was traded to the Red Sox for something called Brian Looney. Looney never logged an inning for the Twins; we would have been better off if Mahomes had had the same fate. I think he’s the reason Tom Kelly got shingles.

After Boston, Mahomes bounced around to the Mets, Rangers, and Cubs, before his last year with Pittsburgh in 2003. Amazingly, he compiled an 8-0 record with a 3.68 ERA for New York in 1999. The only reasonable assumption is that he made a deal with the devil for his performance that season.

3. Rondell White, 2006-2007. Signed in December to 2005 to a 2 year $5 million contract. White was coming off a .313/.348/.489 season with Detroit… and a surgically repaired dislocated shoulder.

The former All-Star started off horribly with the Twins and was sent down to Triple-A on a what was called a “rehab assignment”. After a rash of outfield injuries White got more playing time in the 2nd half and “bounced back” to post a line of .246/.276/.365. In an interview after the 2006 season Rondell gave himself a first-half grade of F+ and a second half grade of B+, with an overall grade of D. And this was his *good* year with the Twins

2007 was even worse for White. Only getting into 38 games and putting up a .174/.235/.321 and an OPS+ of 48 (FYI: 100 is “average”). 2007 was White’s last year in the majors (at age 35), and I’m guessing his name showing up in the Mitchell Report didn’t help.

Great use of $5 million by the Twins!

2. Butch Huskey, 2000. Signed for a seemingly reasonable half-mil, but part of a fleet of ailed ‘professional’ DHs that the Twins have rolled out in the past decade. Past success (a few 20 home run seasons) failed to be reproduced, as Huskey batted .223 with 5 HRs in around 200 at-bats before the Twins traded him and Todd Walker to the Rockies for Todd Sears and a bucketful of cash. Naturally, Huskey proceeded to bat .348 for the Rox.

Huskey did provide one famous Metrodome moment. Of course, it came the year before, when he was a Seattle Mariner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_o852Yn6Tc

1. Tommy Herr, 1988. To me, picking the worst Twin was easy. Tom Herr came over to the Twins in April of 1988 from the St. Louis Cardinals in exchange for right-fielder Tom Brunansky, replacing the decent-glove/no-hit Steve Lombardozzi at second base. To call Herr’s performance meager (.263/.349/326) would be generous; it’s more the intangibles that made him so bad.

Twins management learned from their mistakes, although clearly not much, by flipping Herr for the equally horrible Shane Rawley after only 304 at-bats in a Twins uniform.

Yesterday, the C-level officers of simpleprop.com met at a local undisclosed pizza place for lunch. Here we compared ourselves to the framers of the constitution (true), came up with a far-fetched embezzlement scheme to make us wildly rich (true), and talked about the strategic future of this here website (not true). We also talked about the butt drag. Read this. (Then come back.)

Huh. In middle school, we had two weeks of wrestling during gym class. I think this might have been an Austin thing, as one of the two gym teachers was also the wrestling coach. I hope so– those years were bad enough without having to climb on top of one of your same-sex classmates wearing just a t-shirt and shorts in the name of exercise. In addition, you were paired up with someone roughly your same weight. This makes sense, in general; however, when you’re the second-to-most-overweight kid in the class and the most overweight kid is reeeeeally overweight.. well, let’s just not go there, k?

For me, the most remarkable is the quote from former Fresno State wrestling coach Dennis DeLiddo regarding the butt drag: “I’ve never heard this move used as being ugly or dirty.” That’s right, he doesn’t think the practice of one wrestler sticking his fingers up the anus of another wrestler is ugly or dirty. I guess he showers a lot.

Anyway, my point. I think “butt drag” is a rather uncreative name for this move. “Checking the oil” is much better, but I think we can top it. As such, I’m announcing the Let’s Come Up With A Better Name For When A Wrestler Sticks His Fingers Up Another Wrestler’s Anus contest. Leave your entries in the comments section. The top name gets a free year-long subscription to simpleprop.com! Oh, and some dijon mustard.

I learned late last night that Leslie Nielsen passed away, succumbing to complications from a recent bout of pneumonia. I was surprised to learn that he was 84 years old; to me, he seemed ageless, looking the same in 1980′s Airplane! as he did in 2006′s Scary Movie 4. His peak, though, was the Naked Gun series of the late 80′s and early 90′s, where he played Lieutenant Frank Drebin, successfully defusing kidnappings, bomb plots, assassinations, and O.J. Simpson one-liners with his typical bumbling style.

My favorite humor is the kind that doesn’t need to hit you over the head. A straight man being unaware of his own foolish irony will always make me laugh more than a well-executed pratfall. As such, many lines from Neilsen’s films have made their way into my comedic repertoire (such as it is) over the past 25 years. I feel a special kind of pity for people who have had to endure my frequent “Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna”s and “You can tell me. I’m a doctor”s and “but that’s not important right now”s over the years. Frank Drebin was Steve Carrell without the painful awkwardness, Will Ferrell with better timing. His subtlety will be missed.

Feel free to leave your favorite Nielsen quote in the comments.

Dear Mr. Harwell,

I am reluctant to admit that I have spent most of my life being barely aware of your existence. I remember there being a bit of a ruckus when you got fired by a college football coach, and that everyone was happy when the guy from Little Caesar’s hired you back the next year. But that was about it; beyond that, you were a trivia fact that rattled around my brain like so many others do. The second video ever played on MTV was Pat Benetar’s “You Better Run.” Minnesota became a state in 1858. And Ernie Harwell was the voice of the Detroit Tigers.

Then I saw Bob Costas interview you on the MLB Network last November. I was mesmerized. You were the most humble, grateful person I’d ever heard. You told us that people didn’t ever love you, they loved baseball. You said you were thankful for what baseball had given you, and, unlike everyone else, you clearly meant it. You were also at such peace with the knowledge that you had limited time remaining before you succumbed to cancer; you were much more at ease talking about it than Costas was asking about it.

After watching, I did a little more research on you. I was pleased (but not surprised) to find that you took a minimalist approach to broadcasting baseball games, preferring anecdotes to statistics. You always wanted to be sure that you didn’t become more important than the game. You never would have said “Prior is strong enough to make sure the exterior distractions don’t get in his task and focus.” (h/t to Leitch.) I’m guessing I know how you feel about Sabermetrics, but you were always poised enough not to sound ignorant about it.

I’m lucky enough to have my own version of Ernie Harwell– the late Herb Carneal. I was lucky in the same way many people from Michigan were lucky to have a constant voice telling me about baseball throughout my youth. (Let’s leave John Gordon out of it.) So, I understand why people appreciate you, and how they feel like they know you. I spent more time with Mr. Carneal growing up than anyone else outside of my immediate family, and know how close I felt to him.

In closing, I want to tell you: thank you. With all of the hubris and hot air in sports (and the world) today, it was refreshing to see your humility. On several occasions since I saw your interview, I’ve reminded myself to temper my ego, my ambitions, and be thankful for what I have. I also wish you comfort in the upcoming days and months; you will be missed, but not forgotten.

Thank you for your time.

-Wade Anderson

Unlike others I know (*cough* wadE *cough* Jason), I’ve never had trouble with the affliction known informally as “pee-shyness“. The thought of whether I’m next to someone else or not doesn’t even cross my mind. Wait, does that make me pee-cocky? That’s fun in a couple of ways, isn’t it? Hee hee.

Where was I? Oh, right. Despite my lack of modesty in the men’s room, I don’t go out of my way to shoulder up to fellow relievers. Bathroom, uh, tasks are private ones; I want to give people as much space as possible, and expect the same in return. Hence, I bring up the topic of stall etiquette. (Oddly, Alex and I both ran into this separately one day last week, and were similarly perplexed.

Imagine, if you will, the following bathroom layout, where X = urinal, O = little boy urinal, and | = divider. This is the loo layout at work:

X | X | O

When nobody else is around, I take the far left position. If that’s occupied, I take the far right. If those are both occupied, I take the middle, but that’s the only time. (If all three are occupied, I go in the sink.) (Just kidding.) (Sorta.) We’ve recently taken on a fair number of non-Minnesota native workers here, though and I’ve noticed is that most of them will come in and pick the middle slot, even if all three are open.

I would never, ever do such a thing. Would you? Do these people not consider that weird? Are they more pee-cocky than me? Is this a Minnesota thing? I’m not sure. I wish they’d hurry up and start paying heed to local convention; at some point, someone’s going to catch me going in the sink.

My first post for this little website measured in at a cool 807 words. I was always more of a bullet-point guy than a screeder, but, even so, my posts from that era routinely topped 1,000 words. In 2003, at roughly the same time, we introduced both the Gambit and the Forum. The former was a avenue for us to do a daily, while shorter, update; the latter was your standard web bulletin board (except with way smarter comments and cooler avatars). By definition, my writings got shorter. The Forum dried up a couple years later, and, soon after, so did the institutionalized Gambit. (A Gambit still got posted occasionally, but not according to any specific schedule). After a brief flurry of publishing after implementing our snazzy new WordPress publishing tool, I pretty much stopped posting entirely. My last single-authored post was 14 months ago; even that one was pretty brief. These days, my sole avenue for written creativity comes courtesy of Facebook’s status update feature. That’s a max of 140 characters, in case you’re scoring at home. (Or if you’re by yourself.)

What happened? Why did I stop doing something I really enjoy? Well, three kids happened, although it’s fair to say that that argument’s crap, in that I always did most of my composition at work. In the spirit of fairness, I’m doing a lot more at work than I was doing five years ago. So much that I don’t have time to write a post, though? Not really. I’m in year three of a Dubya-inspired news fast, but that doesn’t mean I’m without inspiration. I’ve become way more picky about how I write, but maybe I don’t need to be so persnickety when writing for fun. (It also doesn’t hurt that Dain has just lifted their long-time block on my access to the WordPress site.)

Oh, right, my point: my goal is to write something each day; I’m willing to wager most of that ends up here. So I’ll be hanging around here a bit more; hope that works out with you.

As you were.

wadE and Wade have teamed up to give you the most indepth analysis of the upcoming 2009 NFL Wild Card Weekend… well… the most indepth analysis you’ll find on simpleprop.com at least…

wadE: I have no idea if this is a fact or not, but since I’m posting it on the internet makes it true. Never in the history of the NFL have 3 final games of the season resulted in 3 immediate rematches the following week in the playoffs. Two of those games will even be in the same location.

Wade: I know nothing about this NFL you speak of, except that I’ve been advised against ever going on a boat ride on Lake Minnetonka with any of their players. To your point, though, knowing nothing about a topic shouldn’t preclude one from writing about it. Especially on the InterWebS.

wadE: This sets up a very interesting wild card round. Let’s take a look at the game and make some predictions we can all laugh about later.

AFC:
#5 New York Jets (9-7) @ #4 Cincinnati Bengals (10-6)
wadE: These teams met last week in the final (most likely) game in Giants Stadium. Unlike the Giants the Jets actually showed up to play their final home game and destroyed the Bengals. The Bengals defense here is that they had nothing to play for, but their starters were in for much of the first half and produced nothing. Ochocinco hurt his knee before the game started, Palmer was terrible, and the defense let the Jets march up and down the field. But this game will be in Cincinatti, the Bengals will have something to play for, and they got a good look at the Jets and what they like to do. Early line of the game is Bengals with a 2.5 point spread. My prediction is that the Bengals win by 6.

Wade: The J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS waltzed into the playoffs against the B-squads of two opponents; they must know this, and can’t feel great about it. Additionally, Mark Sanchez posted the following on his Twitter account a week ago: “Memphis on Broadway… Soooooo good! Music, lyrics, choreography, costumes all great… Overall a great show.” The Bengals, on the other hand, will likely be playing inspired football after the death of wide receiver Chris Henry last month. Will that be enough to combat the potential defensive holes if Domata Peko can’t play? I think so. Also, Cincy is at home, which is really about the only thing above that will affect the outcome of the game. Bengals by 10.

#6 Baltimore Ravens (9-7) @ #3 New England Patriots (10-6)
wadE: The one match-up that is “new” for wild card weekend. These teams played each other in week 4 with the Pats winning 27-21. The Pats are favored by 3.5 points this time around and that seems right to me. They just lost Wes Welker for the year, who is like a really talented version of Wayne Chrebet; but the Patriots still have Tom Brady and Randy Moss. Their defense ranks surprisingly well even though Belichick has no faith in them. But this game is really about the Ravens. Their last win over a playoff team was their only win over a playoff team in Weed 2 against the Chargers. They are a good team but not as good as last year. The offense isn’t as good, neither is the defense, and their kicker is suspect (more than suspect, he cost them 3 games this year). Unless there is a blizzard in Foxboro, Pats by 4. And if there is a blizzard, Pats by 1.

Wade: Are you knocking Wayne “The Flashlight” Chrebet, who was really just the football version of David Eckstein? Baltimore certainly has some talented pieces in place on offense, with Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, and Derrick Mason. Their D is certainly less strong than it’s been traditionally, Ngata and Lewis notwithstanding. Talent-wise, I think they match up pretty evenly with the Pats, who are even more of a ghost of their former selves without Welker; the deciding factor in this one, though, is the fact that New England is playing this one at home. Randy Moss will have a monster game (because he’ll actually be, like, trying) and Tom Brady will do what Tom Brady does (no, I don’t mean having kids out of wedlock) and the Pats will advance. Side note: am I the only one who would become a huge Pats fan if they switched back full-time to their 1986-era throwbacks? Yeah, maybe. Pats by 6.

NFC:
6. Philadelphia Eagles (11-5) @ #3 Dallas Cowboys (11-5)
wadE: The biggest game from Week 17 (and not just from the Vikings perspective) was the Eagles travelling to Jerry World (http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/sports/Jerry-World-Has-A-NameKind-Of.html). Winner would be the NFC East champion, and in the case of the Eagles they would secure the number 2 seed. Thankfully for the Vikings, the Eagles imploded on both sides of the ball setting up a rematch 7 days later in the same spot. The Cowboys are a 4 point favorite and rightly so. This was a game the Eagles needed, not as badly as the Cowboys, but they needed the game. I don’t believe this game will be another blow out, but I do believe the Cowboys win by 6.

Wade: Isn’t the definition of insanity akin to doing something repeatedly and expecting different results, or some such nonsense? Yeah, sure, on any given Sunday and all that, but why would we expect Andy Reid to get any smarter in the past seven days? Although, to be fair, I think it’s reasonable for Wade Phillips to get dumber in the same amount of time. (His name’s Wade; he’s quirky and irrational!) I believe Wade is playing for his job, the ‘boys are confident, Marion Barber and Felix Jones are doing a good impression of the Giants’ balanced running game from 2007, and that Miles Austin guy is pretty decent at catching the ball. The Eagles peaked too early and will enter an offseason in which they ultimately trade Donovan McNabb for Terrell Owens. (I made that part up, just to sound like I’m an insider. You believed it, didn’t you?) Dallas by 10.

#5 Green Bay Packers (11-5) @ #4 Arizona Cardinals (10-6)
wadE: I was so pleased as I drove to the Vikings/Giants game last Sunday morning and heard that the Packers game was being bumped here in the Twin Cities for the Eagles/Cowboys game. One more thorn in the side of Packer fans living in MN. The Packer fans will be especially rabid next week after the 33-7 shellacking of the Cardinals. However, the Cardinals tend to have their best games of the season after their worst games of the season. Lose the first game of the season at home to lowly San Fran? Come back the next week and beat up the Jags on the road. Get crushed by the Colts? Hold on the following week to beat the Texans. Get spanked by the Panters? Come back the next week and obliterate the Bears. Lose a tight one to the Titans? Come back the next week and beat the Vikings. Lose another game to the 49ers? Play the Lions the next week. Ok, that last one doesn’t count, but the fact remains that the Cardinals haven’t lost back to back games all year long. The good news for the Packers (besides wiping the floor with the Cardinals last week) is that Arizona is 4-4 at home. The Cardinals are favored by 2.5 points, but I see the Packers winning this game by 7.

Wade: It’s funny– a decade ago there was another person named Kurt Warner who was an NFL quarterback. Great story– undrafted, former grocery bagger at the Hy Vee, kinda goofy. Odd coincidence. Wait… what? Same guy? How many concussions? You’re freaking kidding me. Packers by 8.

i discovered imeem.com last summer while desperately searching for a dashboard confessional cover of a weezer song (this one, if you’re interested) that i’d heard years before but wasn’t available through itunes. i expected it to be a hassle– only 30 second snippets, a cost for downloads, annoying pop-up ads, etc, but found nothing of the sort. true, you can only stream the songs (vs downloading), but that’s not unexpected. in addition, the site makes you register after a certain amount of free listens; however, to date i haven’t received one e-mail based off of that registration. (plus, when you register, you’re allowed to create custom playlists of your favorite songs.) from my experience, it’s just like real.com’s Rhapsody player, but without the pesky $14 charge.

as one might expect, i’ve spent a fair amount of time on the site, searching for and listening to music. not only have they never not had a song i’ve searched for, but they also have a lot of live recordings that you can’t get anywhere else. (particularly some good toad stuff here and here.) i typically turn everything good into evil, though, and it’s no different here.

for the past couple of weeks, i’ve started imeem-bombing innocent bystanders. sort of like rickrolling, but with more variety. the steps are simple:

1. locate an annoying song. songs from the 80s and early 90s work nicely.
2. use tinyurl to camouflage the song and artist.
3. send to an unsuspecting friend.
4. enjoy their pain.

some examples of what i’ve dished out over the past week or so:

• http://tinyurl.com/dxv3en
• http://tinyurl.com/ctrfyg
• http://tinyurl.com/cpn76r
• http://tinyurl.com/9y84uk
• http://tinyurl.com/63vdkl

such fun! try it.

“i love the yankees. they are better than ‘cats.’ i want to play for them again and again.”

if the yankees move forward as threatened, the above is about the only thing that players and managers will be able to say about the team if they ever write a book about their experiences in the big apple. this kerfuffle, of course, has been brought about by the release of joe torre’s new book, “the yankee years,” outlining his years in pinstripes. in it, torre (although one would argue it’s more tom verducci doing the talking) spills all kinds of dirt about the team and its players, particularly alex rodriguez.

in turn, the yankees brass is considering adding a non-disparagement clause to the contracts of all future players and managers. quoth the worldwide leader:

Club officials, according to the report, would like to ensure that any future books are “positive in tone” and “do not breach the sanctity of our clubhouse.”

am i the only one who feels that statement is more than a little orwellian? or that it’s bordering on the edges of violating protected speech? who’s the arbiter of positive tone? when derek jeter comes out with his biography (EDITOR’S unfortunate note: next biography), is he allowed to say he didn’t like teammates? the showers in the locker rooms? the postgame spread? sounds like an incredibly slippery slope.

now, i fully support the cromulence of such clauses when it comes to not sharing a company’s proprietary information, its intellectual capital. i signed such a thing when i got hired both at UHG and at dain. but it’s not like torre is putting out the yankees’ draft strategy, or their formula for determining arbitration offers. instead, he’s being a gossipy, petty prick who’s trying to make even more money. if the yankees were smart (and, i think signing a.j. burnett to a five-year contract shows that they aren’t), they wouldn’t even acknowledge torre’s book. the more defensive they are, the more they legitimize the claims that torre’s book makes. they’d be better off if they just ignored it and played baseball.