Short version: Donne Wahlberg’s finest hour.

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all ze week. Make no mistake, this isn’t a particularly good movie. It’s a paint-by-numbers, ensemble cast, heist/gangster movie that doesn’t vary from a formulaic script. There’s some mistaken identity, and a hit gone wrong, and in the end some characters get redemption, the good guy gets the girl, and everyone more or less lives happily ever after.

However, there’s something to be said for a movie just being what it is, and this isn’t a flat-out bad movie. Pete Postlethwaite is an entirely believable crime boss, Claire Forlani (his daughter) is beautiful, Wahlberg is actually halfway decent, and I didn’t hate Michael Rappaport. The rest of the cast fill their roles well, there are no manufactured ‘shocking’ plot twists, and it clocks in at a nice, trim 95 minutes. I watched Triggermen, and while I was bored at times, I found myself, if not entirely entertained, at least not angry.

That said, there will be no repeat viewings of the movie, and I only recommend it if you want something vanilla. Official review: Meh.

Short version: they took source material that I thought would be completely unwatchable as a movie, and turned it into a movie.

Seriously. A movie about how the Oakland A’s general manager used unconventional thinking and statistics to build a winning baseball team for the 2002 season. ‘Statistics’ and ‘Baseball’ are not words that you build a dramatic movie around. I enjoyed the movie, but I wasn’t captivated by it. I feel like I enjoyed it because I am nerd enough to have enjoyed the book, and I feel like it probably has some appeal to more casual baseball/sports fans.

I do also generally enjoy Brad Pitt.

The performances were fine. Pitt was good, Philip Seymour Hoffman actually looked quite a bit like Art Howe (although he just sounded like himself), and Jonah Hill was also good. And that’s pretty much it. It was well written, and it told the story of a baseball season.

wadE and I agreed on the word ‘underwhelmed’. It’s a nice, watchable movie. Great for Netflix/Redbox prices, and a good movie for baseball/sports fans and/or people who just want to watch Brad Pitt look good for 2 hours. I’m not sure how it got an Oscar nomination for anything, let alone Best Supporting Actor In a Role about a Nerd with barely 20 lines in the whole movie. (What? It was just Best Supporting Actor? Huh.)

So, yeah. Moneyball. I suspect you already have an idea about whether or not you’re interested in seeing it, and I’m here to tell you that whatever you’ve already decided, you’re right. Stick to your guns.

Catching up on some sports-related web browsing, and I see the following link headline from yesterday’s “football” game:

Marshall catches 4 TDs; AFC wins Pro Bowl

Upon reading this, my brain had the following discussion with itself:

Wilber Marshall? . . . No, that makes no sense. Hm . . .

Leonard Marshall! . . . No, same problem there.

Defeated, I had to click on the link to find out that it was Brandon Marshall who did the thing with the ball in the game I didn’t watch or care about. But at least I was slightly amused by that point.

The short version: numerous good points don’t overcome a bad ending.

(But backing up, a quick intro. We’re gonna try this thing. I posted this on The Facebook this morning, that I want to make Thursday night “Movie Night”. Hopefully I’m either gonna see something in theater, or start working through my backlog of Netflixes. Even more hopefully, I’m gonna write up reviews. We’ll see how this goes…)

Layer Cake (2004), starring Daniel Craig, and featuring quite a good ensemble cast, including two members of The Order of the Phoenix (Dumbledore and Shacklebolt, if you must know). Jokes aside, Michael Gambon was good in his role, and Tom Hardy is the other ‘known’ name, although his role was smaller. And Sienna Miller was, of course, gorgeous (but that was pretty much all she had to do in this one, was look gorgeous).

Pretty straight forward Brit Crime/Gangster/Suspense movie. Well written for the most part, well paced, plenty of twists and turns in the plot, but not confusingly so. Fairly easy to keep everyone straight, which is good in an ensemble cast while characters are dying and you’re trying to keep factions and loyalties straight, etc, so on and so forth.

I enjoyed it, right up until the last 30 seconds, which were absolutely pointless. I didn’t see any of the original marketing for this film, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they teased it with the SHOCKING twist at the end. I thought it was uninspired, and honestly unnecessary.

I guess overall I do recommend seeing this if you’re in the mood for something in the Snatch/Lock Stock vein. Just keep your expectations low.

The team here at SP started this list last year, but in classic SP style we never quite finished. With how bad the Twins are doing this year, it seems like it was kismit that we’d wait until now to publish. Without further ado…enjoy.

With last year being the Minnesota Twins 50th season the Twins organization had created a list of the 50 Greatest Twins. In response the Strib’s Michael Rand tried to come up with the 50 Worst Twins of all time. Through responses to his blog he collected a measley 42 names: “We didn’t want to stretch to get to 50, so we stopped at 42.”

Stretch? It shouldn’t be a stretch to find 50 terrible twins. It just means you didn’t try hard enough. In an effort to rectify that poor performance the top-notch staff here at Simpleprop are ready to step up to the challenge and give you your 50 Worst Twins of All-Time!

Some ground rules. Since we’re all in our 30s we chose to limit players to those we have seen or are at least familiar with. As Wade A mentioned during our deliberations, “I’m sure Eddie Bane sucked, but I have no proof.” We will create this list via a draft, with Wade A getting the first pick, Alex going second, and wadE going third. We’ll reveal our list in reverse draft order.

So without further ado, here are the 50 Worst Twins of All-Time* (* – “All-Time” meaning since 1980 or so)

Mr. Irrelevant. Steve Holm

49. David West

48. Boof Bonser

47. Mike Fetters

46. David Ortiz

45. J.T. Bruett

44. Joe Roa

43. J.D. Durbin

42. Craig Monroe

41. Houston Jimenez

40. Phil Nevin

39. Alexi Casilla

38. Jose Parra

37. Deolis Guerra

36. Carmelo Castillo

35. Tippy Martinez

34. Rich Becker

33. Chris Latham

32. Midre Cummings

31. Tom Nieto

30. Sal Butera

29. Drew Butera

28. Joe Niekro

27. Sean Bergman

26. Scott Ulger

25. Steve Carlton

24. Alex Ochoa

23. Joe Mays

22. Scott
Klingenbeck

21. Gregg Olson

20. Carlos Pulido

19. Tony Batista

18. Kevin Maas

17. Ron Davis

16. Alex Cole

15. Bret Boone

14. Adam Johnson

13. Juan Castro

12. Matt Walbeck, 1994-1996. His wikipedia page says it all: Although his professional career-started off very well-he hit .314 in 51 games in 1987-he would eventually level out and become an average hitter. He was not much of a power hitter, nor did he consistently hit for a high average.
Walbeck was part of a horrific string of catchers between Brian Harper and A.J. Pierzynski. His OPS+ during his Twins tenure was 47 and his WAR was -1.7, meaning if a replacement level play had played his position during his time with the Twins, they most likely would have won two more games with all things being equal.
Also worth noting: Of all catchers with at least 2000 plate appearances from 1990-2009, he had the worst career OPS (on base percentage plus slugging percentage).

11. Luis Rivas, 2000-2005. 2000 plate appearances at .262/.307/.383 (and that’s slightly *better* than his career line) is plenty reason enough to make this list. Granted, there probably wasn’t anyone better in the system, and there were other free agent needs, but Rivas was more or less just handed a job for five years without having to back it up with, you know, actual production.
Side note: I have what I suspect is a one-of-a-kind piece of Luis Rivas memorabilia. An official red Twins jersey with his name and number stitched on. For those of you who know the history of the Dairy Queen jerseys, they were only worn twice, in 1997 (so it’s unlikely it was ever officially produced). Someone must have thought enough of Rivas to have one of these jerseys custom made… then thought better of it and sold it for cheap on Ebay.

10. Bernardo Brito, 1992-1995. To say that the Twins’ outfielders lacked power in the early 1990s would be a grave understatement. The average number of home runs for the Twins’ starting outfielders between ’91 and ’94? 13, 15, 15, and 13. (Although 1994′s totals were hampered by both a shortened season and Alex Cole.) I remember talk of a young, power-hitting phenom who was tearing up the Pacific Coast League, though– one Bernardo Brito.

At least, fifteen years later, the Twins have realized that losing a bit of plate discipline is acceptable in order to keep a power hitter or two on the roster. (They’ve realized that, right?)

9. Denny Hocking, 1993-2003. Hocking epitomizes what is the achilles heel of the Minnesota Twins… their affinity for light hitting utility players who play in over 100 games per season. There is a place on every team for these players, but it’s not playing in the majority of games over the course of a season, and certainly not playing DH! Hocking played all non-battery positions in a season 5 times. He was thought to be a better fielder than he was, and was as bad at the plate as his numbers indicate (.252/.310/.351). This combination of versatility and futility is something the Twins can’t help but gravitate towards (see also: Punto, Nick). The only positive thing I can say about the 11 unimpressive season’s that Hocking gave the Twins is that it costs less than $4 million; which happens to be less than 1 year of Nick Punto.

8. Scott Aldred, 1997. Aldred’s 1997 season, to me, epitomizes the Twins’ starting pitching of the mid-90s. Claimed off of waivers from the Tigers in 96, Aldred finished the season with passable numbers, a winning record (6-5), and just enough glimpses of hope that you thought he could be a decent middle-of-the-rotation starter. Well, for the mid-90s Twins anyway. Then he goes out in 97 and throws up a 7.68 ERA and 1.68 WHIP while going 2-10. At least Johan Santana eventually came along to take the PTSD away from seeing jersey #57 take the hill.

7. Sidney Ponson, 2007. Poor primary and secondary numbers? Out-of-shape, even by a pitcher’s standards? Multiple DUI arrests? Jailed in his home country for punching a judge on a beach on Christmas Day? “Don’t mind if we do,” said the Twins front office in 2007, signing Aruban (a reuben? yum) right-hander Ponson to a minor-league contract. Sloppy Sidney lasted only seven starts for the Twins, going 2-5 with an ERA of 6.93 and a WHIP barely shy of 2.000. Released just six weeks into the season, Ponson represents the worst investment of $1,000,000 of Pohlad cash not involving the name “Punto.”

6. David McCarty, 1993-1995. McCarty was drafted in the first round by the Twins, 3rd overall, in 1991. Other
notables from the first round picked after McCarty: Dmitry Young (4th), Manny Ramirez (13th), Cliff Floyd (14th), and Shawn Green (16th). Assumed to be the first heir apparent to Hrbek’s spot at 1st base McCarty wowed the Twins in his first year with a line of: .214/.257/.286 and an OPS+ of 46. During his time with the Twins he had a WAR of -3.6. Which means during his 2.5 seasons with the club he cost them nearly 4 games compared to a replacement player. The McCarty era ended in mid-2005 when he was traded to the Reds for John Courtright (who pitched exactly 1 inning in his entire career, for the Reds…).

5. Jeff Reboulet, 1993-1996. The first in a long and celebrated line of Twins Futility Infielders. The FI gets around 200 ABs a year but only bats in the .250 range. Plays multiple positions ‘well’, and to hear the manager tell it, this skill is essential to ‘give some guys a day off here and there’. Fine, perhaps, but would it be too much to ask this player to be just a teeny bit better when he is in the lineup? Jeff Reboulet, in his five years with the Twins: 1000ABs, .248 average, and played all eight fielding positions. Check, check, and check.

Perhaps not coincidentally, the #2 most similar player to Reboulet listed at baseball-reference.com: Nick Punto.

4. Pat Mahomes, 1992-1995. Nobody represents the ineptitude of the Twins’ pitching in the early- to mid-nineties like Pitchout Pat. There was a palpable sense of dread whenever he took the mound, as everyone– fans, players– knew that the team’s chance of winning was slim. Mahomes lost 28 games (while winning 18) for Minnesota in three-plus years before he was traded to the Red Sox for something called Brian Looney. Looney never logged an inning for the Twins; we would have been better off if Mahomes had had the same fate. I think he’s the reason Tom Kelly got shingles.

After Boston, Mahomes bounced around to the Mets, Rangers, and Cubs, before his last year with Pittsburgh in 2003. Amazingly, he compiled an 8-0 record with a 3.68 ERA for New York in 1999. The only reasonable assumption is that he made a deal with the devil for his performance that season.

3. Rondell White, 2006-2007. Signed in December to 2005 to a 2 year $5 million contract. White was coming off a .313/.348/.489 season with Detroit… and a surgically repaired dislocated shoulder.

The former All-Star started off horribly with the Twins and was sent down to Triple-A on a what was called a “rehab assignment”. After a rash of outfield injuries White got more playing time in the 2nd half and “bounced back” to post a line of .246/.276/.365. In an interview after the 2006 season Rondell gave himself a first-half grade of F+ and a second half grade of B+, with an overall grade of D. And this was his *good* year with the Twins

2007 was even worse for White. Only getting into 38 games and putting up a .174/.235/.321 and an OPS+ of 48 (FYI: 100 is “average”). 2007 was White’s last year in the majors (at age 35), and I’m guessing his name showing up in the Mitchell Report didn’t help.

Great use of $5 million by the Twins!

2. Butch Huskey, 2000. Signed for a seemingly reasonable half-mil, but part of a fleet of ailed ‘professional’ DHs that the Twins have rolled out in the past decade. Past success (a few 20 home run seasons) failed to be reproduced, as Huskey batted .223 with 5 HRs in around 200 at-bats before the Twins traded him and Todd Walker to the Rockies for Todd Sears and a bucketful of cash. Naturally, Huskey proceeded to bat .348 for the Rox.

Huskey did provide one famous Metrodome moment. Of course, it came the year before, when he was a Seattle Mariner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_o852Yn6Tc

1. Tommy Herr, 1988. To me, picking the worst Twin was easy. Tom Herr came over to the Twins in April of 1988 from the St. Louis Cardinals in exchange for right-fielder Tom Brunansky, replacing the decent-glove/no-hit Steve Lombardozzi at second base. To call Herr’s performance meager (.263/.349/326) would be generous; it’s more the intangibles that made him so bad.

Twins management learned from their mistakes, although clearly not much, by flipping Herr for the equally horrible Shane Rawley after only 304 at-bats in a Twins uniform.

Well, that only took a decade, and a war in a country that he was never in, with the resultant loss of so many of our brave soldiers (absolutely no sarcasm whatsoever there – our service men and women *are* heroes), and the loss of a bunch of personal freedoms, and a debt that our great-grandchildren will still be paying off. But hey, we got him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we did, and I’m glad that the world is perhaps that much safer now, but at some point we should ask ourselves if the cost of doing things this way was really worth it.

I was reminded of this via a post over at Kottke this morning. I remembered reading it and trying it out shortly after In Rainbows was released, but I couldn’t remember how it sounded. (Short version – urban legend has it that In Rainbows and OK Computer were designed to be companions, and that a playlist alternating tracks between the two is ‘awesome’.)

After listening to it, I’m underwhelmed, and I probably was the first time too. Understand that I loved Radiohead up through OK Computer – I saw them on tour for that album, and it was an amazing show. I’ve since come to love their next album, Kid A, as well, but it definitely marks a shift in the kind of music the band makes, and Thom Yorke in particular has changed his vocal style and melodies since then. They’re no longer the same band that made those first three albums, and that’s fine.

In Rainbows is a nice little album. (In much the same way that some of Pearl Jam’s latest albums have been ok, but it’s been all downhill since Vs.) But this playlist doesn’t work for me. The musical style is somewhat similar, but it still just doesn’t ‘fit’ right. I’d be tempted to say that this idea of a companion album was leaked out there to encourage sales, but if you’ll recall, In Rainbows was the album that Radiohead let you download for free and asked you to donate what you thought it was worth, which got them plenty of publicity as it was.

In any case, I think this is some wishful thinking on the part of the old-time Radiohead fans, who should be going out and buying Muse’s albums instead.

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, mostly because I stopped going to movies for a while there. I’m now back on the horse, so let’s roll through some mini-reviews for a few flicks I’ve been out to see lately.

Unstoppable

Tony Scott movies are my brain candy, and this one did not disappoint. Denzel Washington and Chris Pine are train driver and conductor, working to stop a runaway train. Strong performances from both, and the usual deluge of action sequences, combined with a strong bunch of supporting character actors (Ethan Suplee, Kevin Corrigan, and Rosario Dawson, most notably), makes Unstoppable a watcher.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part I)

Ah The Potter. These have all been solid movies (although I continue to miss the original Dumbledore), and this one is no exception. Likely the only thing that keeps me from raving about the movies is that I’ve read the books. I enjoyed watching the cast finally get to act as adults in this one, and am very much looking forward to Part II in July.

I’ve also noticed a sub-current of “Emma Watson is hot” commentary going around lately, and while that’s as may be, as far as this cast goes, there’s nobody more attractive than Clèmence Poèsy, and that’s just a fact.

Easy A

I’m only mildly ashamed to admit that I went to see this. Another modernized classic remake in the mold of ’10 Things I Hate About You’, set in a present-day high school, of cousre. This one’s a take on ‘The Scarlet Letter’. The movie’s about what you’d expect it to be, there are some good laughs, Emma Stone is adorable, and as a bonus it doesn’t drag itself out, lasting only 92 minutes.

127 Hours

Outstanding movie. James Franco’s performance is excellent, and remember that this is based on a real event, which jacks up the squeamishness, knowing that an actual person actually had to do that to himself. Even knowing how it was going to end, I was pretty tensed up for most of the movie. Oh, and Clèmence Poèsy is ridiculously cute in this movie as well.

Side note: has any one director absolutely nailed a more dissimilar group of movies now than Danny Boyle? 127 Hours, Slumdog Millionaire, Trainspotting, an awesome sci-fi movie (Sunshine), a distopian story (The Beach), even a freakin’ zombie movie (28 Days Later). Can’t wait to see what he does next.

The Town

Good movie, and another strong directorial effort from Ben Affleck (Gone Baby Gone), who also stars. A good role for him, letting Jeremy Renner and Jon Hamm do a lot of the heavy lifting, and Rebecca Hall does a wonderful job in the first movie I’ve seen her in since The Prestige. Solid turns from two of my favorite supporting actors, Pete Postlethwaite and Chris Cooper, as well. Nothing overly surprising as far as the plot goes, but a very solid, gripping movie nonetheless.

I’d like to paraphrase the 15-second promo for one of our news stations that I heard the other night. I feel that it captures the essence of how ridiculous Minnesota can get sometimes. (Picture these bullet points appearing on screen along with the perky anchorwoman.)

“Here are some of the stories we’re working on for [redacted] News tonight:

The woman who swerved and killed an 11 year old boy was drunk!

A man is accused of sexually molesting children in his mother’s own daycare!

And there’s a chance of rain all week!

Tune in at [redacted]!”

Detailed here: Two players, four turns, and according to the accompanying YouTube video, doable in 21 seconds.

Honestly, if this had any chance of happening on a consistent basis, I might be more inclined to play it. Instead, as we all know, Monopoly ruins families.