- I now will blame Bud Selig for everything that displeases me about baseball, just as I blame Bill Gates every time something goes wrong with my computer
- Not that IŚm against peopleŚs life being celebrated after their death, but could we please put Queen Mum in the ground? She died March 30th and theyŚre still lugging her around. It's like some sort of morbid world tour. "This Saturday night, come see Queen Mum At the Metrodome!!!!!" (dome) (dome).
- The tour that I'm most upset that it's not coming to Minneapolis: Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth, a.k.a., Sans Halen. Their promo photos included three young ladies dressed as cats and a midget wearing a suit. And do these two guys look like they've had some hard living? Hagar could mix in a salad every now and then. And Pamela Anderson should take note of David Lee Roth-- that's how she's going to look in ten years if she stays with Kid Rock. Do you think David Lee Roth is too old to bounce around stage on a giant inflatable wang?
- My new favorite Saturday Night Live recurring sketch is easily Brian Fellow's Safari Planet. Tracy Morgan plays the character (sixth grade education, short attention plan) very solidly. I'M BRIAN FELLOW!
- Being incredibly awake at 10:30 last night, I decided to tune into the Tonight Show to watch Leno, basically because the Monday headlines segment makes me chuckle. Wow, does he suck. His monlogue (term used loosely) based of multiple video gags where the head of a celebrity (Al Gore, Bill Clinton, etc) were pasted onto bodies doing odd things. Do you really have to have talent to do this? Even with the headlines, you're basically reading a newspaper that people send to you. I'm a big Carson guy, and Johnny has to be rolling over in his... well.. in his bed that he shares with some blonde woman one third of his age. Hey-oooooo....
- (from Matty) If Cardinals infielder Stubby Clapp and Braves reliever Tim Spooneybarger turned gay, fell in love, moved to Hawaii where they could legally be married, Stubby Clap would become: Stubby Spooneyparger.
- Could the T-Wolves be any more anemic in the playoffs? Seriously. Sorry, KG, but I'm gonna have to go with the prevailing sentiment here: you need to step up and take critical shots. That team concept works better when you have guys like Kobe, Stockton, and Nowitzki to pass to. When the game is on the line, we don't care if you pass up an open Rasho or Chauncey. Take the shots.
- Instant Karma's gonna get Ken Griffey... Gonna get him right in the helmet... Remember when he was going to be the best ever? Now it's almost a legitimate question whether to start the Kid or Juan Encarnacion in center. Of course, it is just Cincy. They're going nowhere anyway. I wonder if Junior would like to be back in Seattle right now? I wonder if Seattle would be as good with Junior there right now? Don't think so.
- Best new Twins home game cheer: ED-DIE when Guardado is closing out the game. (The '01 trend was "Guuuuuuuuuuzman," making a boo-like sound which wasn't actually a boo. Happened with Coomer when he was here. I don't know why it's fun, but it just is.)
- "Fletch Won"? Hmmm. That's the title of next year's Fletch prequel, telling the story of Irwin Fletcher on his first story. I'm a bit nervous, being the huge Fletch guy that I am. I'm interested in what Kevin Smith can do as director, but Jason Lee as Fletch? Chevy Chase's delivery is what made that movie for me. And I'm a fan of Dogma, Chasing Amy, et al. But are they gonna turn Fletch into one of those? I guess that's not horrible considering what Fletch Lives was (wasn't), but at least give Chevy a cameo. C'mon. "Ahhhh. That's a teriffic wing. Love that shape."
- The "I Know I Shouldn't Be Laughing but I Am Anyway" award for this week: the sound guy at Comiskey Park in Chicago who played Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" last week before Indians starter Chuck Finley took the mound. Finley is married to Tawny Kitaen, who you likely know as the woman who was splayed across cars, snakes, and David Coverdale in 80's Whitesnake videos. Kitaen apparently got all hopped up on goofballs earlier this month and started after Chuck with high heels. Co-worker Joe had a good observation about Finley's no-win situation: if he is violent towards her, he gets suspended, fined, and demonstrated against; he reports violence from her and he gets a stream of grief. Incidentally, the sound guy was fired.
- Yesterday I received a spam e-mail. Not that odd. However, this particular message was from "The Society for Responsible E-mail." For only $6.95 a month, they keep your inbox spam-free. I understand that they need to get their message out (it sounds like a reputable service), but do they realize how strange it is to advertise this using unsolicited e-mail?
- Oh, the Hormel corporation's policy on the use of the word "spam" to describe unwanted e-mail can be found here. Really.
- Fletch: "This little proposition doesn't entail me dressing as Little Bo-Peep, does it?"
- Local people are WAY too excited about the Krispy Kreme franchise opening in Maple Grove. People waited in line all night long for the store to open today. Say it with me: It's... a... DOUGHNUT. Only from the land of the butter burger.
- One more Fletch: "Oh, yes. Very well. I'll have a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich and a... steak sandwich."
- Bad idea: The Crocodile Hunter movie.
- Did you happen to catch a few of the dozens of hours of the NFL draft this past weekend? If it weren't for Mel Kiper's hair I wouldn't have even bothered. So, let me get this straight: the Houston Texans decided weeks ago to take quarterback David Carr with the first pick. They signed him to a multi-year contract last week. And they still needed nine minutes to make their pick. I can't get excited about something that is all about speculation. Has the NFL draft jumped the shark?
- When featuring a good actor, Inside the Actor's Studio is Faaaaan-tastic. When featuring Ethan Hawke.... not so much. James Lipton prodding him about his character in Dead Poet's Society isn't necessarily Must See TV. I was also hoping Lipton would ask how Ethan felt about the entire globe getting a peek at his wife's jubblies during this year's Academy Awards. No luck.
- Okay, last one, promise: "You know, Utah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. You've seen pictures."
- I'm not sure why my wife doesn't undertand my fascination with ESPN Classic. There is sheer excitement in watching a 1996 ALDS game between the Orioles and Yankees. Oooh, that's when Brady Anderson hit 50 homeruns! Aaah, I forgot Todd Zeile was an Oriole. Tim Raines and Wade Boggs in the same lineup!!
- On a similar note, if I ran a major cable TV company, I would fine tune the cable package options a bit more. Specifically, I would offer the Bachelor Package. You'd get Comedy Central, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Classic, E!, and Fox Sports Net. No local channels, no public access, and no Lifetime! You could still charge the same price for full cable, it'd be worth it to bachelors to not have to flip through so many channels.
Over and out. Rock over London, rock on Chicago.