The World Baseball Classic (Final Game)

It says that these two men are Daisuke Matsuzaka and Omari Romero, and that they'll be your starting pitchers tonight. We shall see. I've been keeping an eye on the WBC, despite the poor idea of scheduling it against March Madness, and then only televising it on ESPN Deportes at 2AM, and I have to admit, it's nice to have some early baseball. Yeah, the thing isn't a true baseball tournament, in that the round-robin, single-elimination leads to easy upsets, considering that it's not an upset for the worst team in baseball to beat the best in one game. And on top of that, the pitchers are usually ahead of the hitters in spring training, so it's even easier to catch lightning in a bottle, so to speak.

And so I thought I'd take the slacker's way out and do a running commentary from the brand new Alex Living Facility.

8:03 - Hold that thought, there's bonus NIT tournament action. Overtime of Notre Dame vs. Michigan. I'm so... what's the opposite of excited? Yeah, that.

Since I've got you captive here, I tried to do some mining of the above-linked WBC website earlier. The best thing I could come up with was this picture of Hines Ward, who I didn't know was Korean. Go figure.

8:07 - NIT game still tied. Knowing my luck we'll go to double or triple OT. Somewhat interesting UK/MSU women's game on the deuce, but low eye candy content leaves your reviewer nonplussed.

8:17 - The Prophet Alex speaketh, and two crappy basketball teams comply. In a tied game, Michigan spends fifteen full seconds whipping the ball around the perimiter and not getting an open 3-point shot. As if they needed one. To be purely evil about it, ESPN shows that the baseball game has already started, and we'll be going there as soon as one of these goddam teams wins. I'm sure I'll be watching baseball by 9.

8:23 - I have nothing better to do, so I'm surfing ESPN.com, and found an interesting tidbit about Cuba and the tournament from Jayson Stark's column. In his words:

Every player in the WBC was given his own iPod. Only the Cubans had no idea what to make of it, no means to access the songs and videos they could use to fill it with life, not even any way to plug it in or charge it.

Apparently the lesson is that Cuba is still stuck in the 1940s, and that the only thing they have in common with the rest of the civilized world is baseball. I'm wishing that I had that in common with them right now. Right now I'm watching a poorly-played basketball game where both coaches are wearing bad sportcoats with mock turtlenecks underneath. Underwhelming on all levels.

8:26 - Since there's still no baseball to be watched, let's talk about how Cuba's jerseys are the worst in the tournament. I give you exhibit A:

Yikes.

Now, just to prove that I'm not wholly biased, at least they're not caving in to advertisments on the jersey. To wit, Ichiro:

Yes, Team Japan is sponsored by Konami. Maybe they're coming out with a new version of Track and Field. And note the cute little Ichiro logo where the H and I mesh into one. Oooooh, clever Ichiro. But he'll likely be the only MLB player on the field tonight. If we ever get to see the game.

8:33 - I've now suffered through a half an hour of bad basketball, and the announcers keep saying things like "unless we go to an extra stanza", and mentioning that the baseball game is underway and that we'll be going there next. Unless we go to an extra stanza.

8:34 - Holy God I just noticed the Notre Dame jerseys. They've got "Irish" written in script across the front, and the second "i" is dotted with a friggin' clover leaf. That so cute. I know they just totally heart their cheerleaders and pep squad, too. Gah... it's a fashion nightmare - somebody notify that Uni Watch guy.

8:36 - One of the world's worst 3-pointers ends an excruciating game, and then the refs draw it out by looking at the replay just to be jerks. It's a give and a take, I suppose, at least it's over.

8:38 - You are looking live at Petco Park! Inexplicably, it's still the top of the first, the bases are loaded with two outs, and Cuba's starting pitcher is already out. The starting pitcher was the aforementioned Romero, but no mas. Now we're looking at... Vicyohandry Odelin. Seriously. He's Cuban, apparently. And he just walked in Ichiro. Japan's up two-nil.

8:41 - They just showed the Japan bullpen where apparently there are pitchers warming up. Even though their starter hasn't even pitched yet. Did I warp into a strange but very similar universe?

8:43 - Japan's up 4-0, and Cuba is bringing in their third pitcher of the first inning. I've been so distracted that I haven't had time to notice that Joe Morgan is babbling incoherently. I'm sure he'll say something painful enough for me to notice soon. Your Cuban pitcher is now Norberto Gonzalez. Good old Norby. We'll see if he can do his job and get his 1/3 of an inning in. Cuba is on pace to use twenty-seven pitchers. I'm not sure the rosters are big enough for that.

8:47 - True to form, Morgan babbles about the different styles of baseball between Asia, The Caribbean, Cuba, and the United States. I'm not sure what I was supposed to take from that other than the styles are different. While my head was spinning, Cuba got out of the inning on a play where I think the runner may have been safe at first.

8:49 - Matsuzaka is your Japanese starter. No word on whether or not the bullpen is still up and throwing. Cuba's leadoff hitter just put one in the left field seats, so keep 'em loose, boys. What was I saying earlier about the pitchers being ahead of the hitters? Yeah, nevermind that.

8:53 - It would seem that all of Havana is watching the game on a big screen TV in a park. But considering they don't know what to do with an iPod, maybe it's worth noting that they get to watch the game on TV. Although if they had radio they wouldn't have to listen to Joe Morgan.

8:55 - The longest first inning in the history of the World Baseball Classic Championship Game comes to an end. Yes, I know that's a cheap joke, I won't do it for everything.

8:58 - The Japanese team is playing extreme small ball. Lots of bunts and just hitting the ball on the ground and running real, real fast. Maybe they are actually being sponsored by Track and Field. Only, I'd assume without so much of the field sports. Right now Manager Oh is cheating and using one of those NES controllers with the turbo on the A button to get those guys down to first base faster.

Good God, Morgan's going on about the "styles" again, and I think his point is that the Japanese team are unfeeling scientific robots, and team Cuba has the Latino passion. Gammons just came on and said that Ichiro wants to take more passion back to Cuba. He must be sharing a glass with Morgan. This is almost unlistenable.

9:02 - Great catch to close out top second by the shortstop who hit the leadoff homerun. How often do you see it where a player makes a great hit and then goes out and makes a great play in the field, Bob? Oh wait, got that one backwards, haha! I think I may need a drink.

9:06 - Someone behind the plate is holding up a sign for "Golden Palace". I hope this means we're gonna have a streaker. (Link probably not safe for viewing at work).

9:13 - We're through two, Japan is still up 4-1. John Miller tells us that Japan's lone power hitter, Matsunaka, is coming up, so stay tuned. No, no, not the pitcher. His name is Matsuzaka. This is why you need a program. Can't tell your Matsunakas from your Matsuzakas without a program...

The Goodyear tire and rubber company invites you to use their tires because they've got Silent Armor technology. I would assume that means their tires don't clank.

9:18 - Morgan's arguing that "funky delivery" makes a fastball seem 8 to 10 miles per hour faster to the hitters. Why do I do this to myself? Let's call this Exhibit Joe Morgan as to why I'll be getting the Extra Innings cable package - then I can listen to local announcers. They probably won't be any better, but they can't be worse.

9:23 - Thirty seconds of bliss as they switch us over to the ESPN Deportes crew. And then two minutes of pain as Morgan explains the he "hablos espanol" enough to understand Juan Marichal because he speaks slowly, but not the other two because they talk faster. Through all this Japan has runners at first and second with one out, but is that important, really?

9:35 - Just saw security removing the Golden Palace sign. I guess strippers weren't in the budget after all. We'll see whether or not a back-up sign was prepared. After three, it's still 4-1 Japan.

9:50 - The end of a mostly uneventful fourth inning where I tried not to pay any attention unless there was a scoring play. Which there wasn't. Plus I ate some Cheerios and surfed over to Fire Joe Morgan, but it doesn't look like they're doing anything real-time for tonight's game.

9:54 - Shot of a Cuban fan holding a sign that says "It's OUR time" (down HERE. Down HERE it's OUR time!) Unfortunately up THERE Japan's got runners on the corners with nobody out. No truth to the rumor that Sloth is warming up in the Cuban bullpen. (Sorry wadE.) Yadier Pedroso (I'm spelling that based on Jon Miller's pronunciation, so forgive me if it's wrong) is coming into the game, though. Good luck, Yadier.

9:58 - I'm a man, a manly manly man... Cue the tuba, because the award for the most annoying repetitive commercial of the night goes to... you know what, as long as I don't see that fucking Applebee's commmercial tonight I just won't complain.

10:05 - Another Cuban pitching change. Fifth inning, fifth pitcher. Cuba is on pace to use nine pitchers tonight. I think the rosters are probably big enough to make that feasable. Now pitching for your cigar puffers: Adiel Palma.

10:13 - Japan pushes two more runs across, it's now 6-1 after the top of the fifth. I have to warn you that it's highly likely that I won't make it to the end of the game. Especially considering we're only halfway home at this very moment.

10:16 - New Japanese pitcher - his name is Watanabe and he pitches quite a bit like Chad Bradford. Morgan yet again uses the phrase "funky delivery", but no mention of the extra 10 MPH on Watanabe's fastball...

10:20 - Wait a minute, check out the dimensions of Petco from MLB's gamecast. So you're saying that straight away center is closer than two points on either side? That place is crazy! Still 6-1 Japan, end of fifth.

10:33 - Little rally by Cuba. One run in, runners on second and third, one out. This could yet be a game. Stay tuned. Parque Central is going nuts in Havana. (That's Central Park, you rubes.)

10:35 - Base hit scores one, it's now 6-3. So of course the very next pitch is a DP ball. Still, the game is back within reach for Cuba after six. I'm setting the deadline at 11 for me. We're going off the air at 11 no matter what. On the plus side, you won't have to watch Heidi after I leave. Unless you want to, of course.

10:44 - I know I said no complaining, but I have to admit that I'm baffled by the fact that there's a market for a burrito for chicken ceasar salad lovers.

10:53 - All right sports fans, I'm gassed. It's still 6-3 Japan, we're in the 8th, and I'm gonna take in the rest of this one from bed. And I don't blog in bed. Well, not alone. I have no idea what that means. I'll post the final score in the morning when I post the article. If you've actually read this stream of consciousness this far, well thanks. Hope it hasn't been too mundane.

Morning Update: Japan wins, 10-6! Did I see it? No. I was out like the proverbial light. So in a lot of ways it was a lot like a World Series game. It started too late, moved really slowly, and had a gasbag doing color commentary. Yep, I'm ready for baseball to be back. Let's go.

3/21/06