Alex's Super-Fantastic Gigantic Article

(Or, How I Couldn't Think of a Title)

Ok, first things first, the image above is clickable. It'll take you to a larger version of the same, which you can download if you'd like - it makes a really hype wallpaper image. I'd take a screenshot to show it to you running on my Powerbook, but that'd just be too damn geeky. I'm really getting into playing with graphics, though, so hopefully look for more fun from me in the future...

I've been having problems getting back into actually writing for the site, so what I'm hoping to accomplish tonight is a quick and dirty smorgasboard of movie reviews, plus maybe some TV commentary, and general ranting. That shouldn't be too hard for a guy like me to do, should it? So let's kick it off with the movies wadE has already so generously reviewed, seeing as how I went to see them with him, after all.

Comedian:
The sister sibling gave this a high recco, and the trailer was treeee-mendous, so we decided to patronize Mr. Seinfeld, as though he needs the money or something. Personally, I like Jerry, I think he's awfully funny. I think he's taken himself from a stand-up comic who couldn't act a lick (check out the early episodes... brutal!) to a well rounded performer definitely worth catching in anything. Granted, comedy is like music - very, very subjective. I won't tell you that you have to find Jerry funny - but if you do, you'll enjoy watching how he works "behind the scenes", so to speak. I as well as wadE was very interested to see the inner workings of the comedy business, and the only other thing to note was that Bill Cosby is pretty much the Godfather of Comedy at this point. When he talks, everyone listens. I think maybe if Johnny Carson had kept a higher profile, the two of them would have had to duke it out for the title, but as it is, Bill wins.

The other thing I really got a kick out of were the two nice elderly ladies sitting in front of us who'd had enough at about the thirty minute mark of the film and got up and walked out. I suppose they weren't expecting Jerry to drop quite so many F-bombs. This not being a true "movie", I'm not gonna put it on the Trent scale. It's good, though.

Red Dragon:
I'll keep this really brief, since to be honest with ya this movie didn't do much for me. Ed Norton was pretty boring in his role. Anthony Hopkins was Hannibal, you've all seen that before. Ralph Fiennes was very good in his role, but I couldn't get past the fact that he looked like an aging Harrison Ford - I kept struggling not to make Indiana Jones jokes. Emily Watson was great in her role. But in the end, the movie is just way too much like SIlence of the Lambs to really do anything groundbreaking, which is pretty much what I thought when I read the book - I kept having to make sure I wasn't reading Silence of the Lambs. Oh well. We'll lump it in with The Transporter and give it Three Trents.

Jackass: The Movie:
Honestly, did you guys really think Trent wouldn't drag me to see this? I went, not knowing a damn thing about these guys or what they do, I just figured it had a real chance at being a Jason X caliber bad movie. To be honest with ya, I ended up laughing for most of the movie.

In the interests of fair review, though, I will offer this disclaimer. This movie is NOT for everyone. This movie is primarily for boys of fourth grade level maturity, and all boys of other ages who still are capable of laughing on that level. If you want to see grown men running into things, kicking each other in the balls, and other inane buffoonery, this movie is for you. Don't even kid yourself if you're not that kind of a person. Go rent a real movie instead.

Speaking of... to put this on the Trent scale would ruin it, for it doesn't fit real movie criteria. It's both real good, and mind-numbingly awful, and that's all I'll say.

I'm gonna hop off the movie review train for a moment to share one of Simpleprop.Com's dirty little secrets: Wade Anderson and I watch Gilmore Girls on the WB Tuesday night. I have to admit, I'm a big big fan. The show is wall-to-wall dialogue, delivered at a refreshing Kevin Smith-like pace. It's also very clever, reminiscent of Sports Night (RIP) or The West Wing (without the drama of the latter). I do believe Wade's a Lorelai man, but I'm a Rory booster all the way. Let's just put Alexis Bledel up in the pantheon with Sue Bird right now. If you are Alexis Bledel, feel free to email me and tell me how you remember all that dialogue from week to week. Heh. alex@simpleprop.com

Rory!

On top of that, the second season of 24 is fun, too. I'm just waiting for someone to get amnesia so that wadE can mock it again...

Let's get back to movies.

Harry Potter:
Went and saw Potter Two - Electirc Boogaloo with wadE last week. It pretty much suffers the same fate as the first installment. Nice visual effects, but the story is actually kinda boring after reading it... just seems to take too long when you're watching. Nice turn by Branagh as the teacher who can't get enough of himself, and as usual, great work by Richard Harris (RIP) and the always entertaining Alan Rickman... even if I always want to make a Sheriff of Nottingham crack when I see him. In fact I do believe I informed wadE that I'd be cutting his heart out with a spoon... bleh. Two and a half Trents.

Run Lola Run:

A good Saturday night rental a few weeks back, this was also on the recco of the sister sib. I mentioned the beautiful Franka Potente in my review of The Bourne Identity, and she told me that I needed to check out the Lola Running. She could have warned me that it was in German and subtitled, so I warn you, fellow reader, right now. If you don't like reading your movies, take a breather on this one, although you'll definitely be missing out on a good movie. It's a pretty simple plot - Lola doesn't have a car, she's gotta get downtown in twenty minutes, and bring a large sum of money which she doesn't have, or else her boyfriend is gonna rob the German equivalent of a K-Mart. It's very hip and stylishly directed, and if all of that doesn't do it for ya, your lead actress is a real cutie. I think she's the first woman wadE and I have agreed on in terms of looks in the proverbial "coon's age". Before I get too sidetracked here, let's say One Trent.

Now let's get sidetracked. What the hell is a coon's age anyway? Does anyone know? Please tell me if you do.

Let's get further sidetracked. Did you see Fox's coverage of the elections earlier this month? Did you see their cute little graphic that all the networks have decided makes the news more interesting? More on that in a minute... did you see theirs? It said "You Choose 2002". No shit, I'm not even kidding, you fucking choose! Of course we choose! We ALWAYS choose! We're a fucking democracy! By definition, WE CHOOSE! Ok, deep breath... I absolutely abhor the news coverage in this country. God forbid we have a piece that runs longer than 30 seconds, for one thing. And the cute graphics with their catch phrases have got to stop. "The New War", "America Strikes Back", "America Grieves", "Bush Eats A Peanut". Blah blah blah... we don't need to make the news sexy. News should be what it is, and you watch it because you're interested in what's going on in the world around you. I don't understand why the networks have to pander to the apathetic. But then I'm in the minority on an awful lot of things these days...

Come to think of it, Fox's graphic may have said You Decide. Either way...

Ok, I'm getting gassed here finally, so we'll do one more movie review and call it a night.

Ice Age:
Ok, so this isn't a new movie by a long shot. I actually saw this a coon's age ago (What a remarkably useful phrase!) with Laura and a bunch of her cronies at the ghetto-plex up in Coon Rapids. (It's Coon Night here at SP.com!). I love animated movies, and this one has Denis Leary doing a voice. It's a can't miss proposition, just like A Bug's Life, also a fantastic movie. Ice Age delivers from the get-go, with what I've since come to find out is a "Sqrat" (half squirrel, half rat) setting things off in a great title sequence. The plot itself is a bit standard fare, but there are enough laughs to go around, and overall it's quite the enjoyable time. If you like the kids movies, you'll like Ice Age. Two Trents.

And finally, because I am extremely punchdrunk tonight, I will provide you with another cute SP.Com graphic that Anderson will probably lynch me over the picture of him that I used in it. It's dorky, but then I've never claimed to be anything but. I'm out kids. It's good to be back! Peace.