What's in a (Nick)name?

First things first...

Last week the Sports Guy (and don't get me wrong, I love his column) engaged in some needless Counting Crows bashing. Allow me to quote:

"...the Counting Crows have to be the most enigmatic live band of the past decade. On the one hand, they bring an incredible amount of energy to the table, they always sound good, and Adam Duritz always commands your attention. On the flip side, Duritz constantly changes songs from the way they were initially recorded, which only antagonizes the audience, so you're trying to sign along and get into it ... and suddenly he mixes up the cadence on you. I'm telling you, he hasn't sung a version of "Mr. Jones" or "Rain King" in eight years that hasn't left the crowd totally frustrated."

Please allow me to retort... and I'll be short. It's not Adam Duritz's duty to sing a song exactly the way it's recorded. In fact, it'd get pretty damn boring for him if he sang the same version of "Mr. Jones" over and over for the past 8 years. On top of that, what he does with his improvisation is amazing. Not everyone can do it. If you want to sing along with a song, get in your car and crank the CD player. If you go to see a Counting Crows show just shut up already and enjoy the unique experience. Thank you.

Actually, one more thing. The version of "Angels of the Silences" on the VH1 Storytellers disc is the best thing they've ever done. Period. They took a harsh, bitter, guitar rock song and turned it into a melodic, mourning, beautiful little song that practically makes me cry. Admittedly, I have a bias towards it as well with a personal experience that I had while listening to that song... but that's what music does. It evokes emotion. And that song does it.

Ok, on with the regularly scheduled column:

If you're like me, you've probably got a friend or two who has a nickname, and you have no idea how they got stuck with it. For example, on occasion wadE will refer to Wade as "Bitch Anderson", and to be honest with ya I got no idea why. Maybe there's a great story behind it. I feel like I might be deprived. So, as just a little something to amuse myself, I'll tell some of my favorite nickname stories. I hope y'all find it interesting too. Here goes:

Real name: Brian
Nickname: Dwidge
Story: One night Jake and I were heading over to Will's place to do some general hanging out. On the way we're talking about who's gonna be there, and Jake breaks in with "Hey - What's Swig's first name anyway?". Stumped on the question, I did what I always do - say the first dumb thing that came to mind. "Uhh... I dunno, Dwight?". That's all it took, nevermind the fact that I remembered 30 seconds later that his name was Brian. With Will's help, Dwight soon became Dwidge. Last summer we played mini-golf for ownership of Dwidge. He's now owned by Royce #F. Speaking of...

Real name:Thomas
Nickname:Royce #F
Story: This one's all Will. Thomas gave him a check, and at a glance at the signature, Will claimed that it looked like he signed his name "Royce #F". Does it really take more than that? Of course, my own variant is that I now call him "Roy", after the superfluous character introduced to the Simpson family in the episode where Homer voices Poochie. "Hey, how's it goin' Roy?" Yes, I'm insane.

Real name:Brian
Nickname:Bounce-Bounce
Story: I covered this one in my MST3K column. Matty and I decided that of the four hobgoblin names, that Bounce-Bounce was the best, and that *someone* needed to get stuck with it. We picked Brian. I'd say he's just lucky we didn't decide to go with "Sniffles". Heh heh...

Real name:Jim
Nickname:Puddin'
Story: Completely random. One day at frisbee practice I said "Hey, let's call Jim 'Puddin''." to Matty. If you don't know that's all it takes, you don't know us well enough yet. Heh heh. This one worked out especially well when we broke it out in front of his grandma.

Real name:Sarah
Nickname:Mo
Story: One of my favorites... I was just rambling on at a frisbee practice... rhyming her last name... Peaks... Beaks... Cheeks... when the sports dork gene kicked in. Cheeks! Mo Cheeks! I will call her Mo. I'm pretty sure Matt could see the wheels spinning in my brain at that point. Not that he didn't approve.

Real name:Mike
Nickname:Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFace
Story: This is a combo deal. Liz always called Mike "Face" because he looked so serious on field. He earned the rest by doing an incredible straight-faced reading of Dr Seuss's short story "Too Many Daves". Easily one of the top ten things I've laughed the hardest at. So he's stuck with that one getting broken out from time to time. At least we didn't call him Soggy Muff...

Real name:Katie
Nickname:Troop
Story: Another easy one... Katie was goin' off one night about these awesome new pants she bought that were apparently called Trooper Girl pants. It's just not in my nature to let this stuff go, so before long I was callin' her Troop. I don't think I've gotten an email from her since where she didn't call herself that, though, so at least she liked it. Heh.

And finally... just to show I'm unbiased... I've had my share of nicknames myself. I know for a fact if Levon Larson saw me on the street today he'd yell out "Sanch!"... so I'll share the one I've got that always makes people double-take.

Real name:Alex
Nickname:Sprinkles
Story: Ok... so we're leaving Winnipeg after a frisbee tournament one year... and we stop at a donut place on our way out of town. We each pick out a few of our favorite flavors, and pile back into the car for the long trip. Matty hands me one of mine... covered in sprinkles, my fave. I take a bite... and there's a vertiable *explosion* of sprinkles all over me and the front seat of my car. I start swearing a blue streak about those damn no good Canucks and their damn donuts that can't even get sprinkles right... at which point Matt sticks me with Sprinkles. I gotta hand it to him. It's a good one...

In closing, I'd just like to say that everyone should have a nickname. So if a friend of yours doesn't have one, do him or her a favor and make one up. It's fun!

7/16/02