Cleaning out the E-Mails, Part 37

Alright, so here we are again. Faced with the reception of the two thousandth email in my inbox yesterday, I decided to bite the bullet and spend the two hours of intense staring and resultant blindness that it would take to get back down to a manageable number of emails. Somewhere in the 100s. The style for today's output is going to be a list of the best quotes (both in and out of context). Hope you enjoy, and we'll do this again in six months or so!

Sis:

The tech guy here always looks stressed. It's kinda funny...you know, since it's not me or anything.

Schmotivation. Being alone in the office gives you the excuse to have a case of the mondays. Heh. That movie never gets old. Tomorrow I get to go pick out a model of a nose so one of the doctors can use it for a demonstration on how to pack a bloody nose. Noses are funny.

wadE:

as of noon sunday when I called Alex's house and talked with his dad, I wasn't convinced he was alive either... I think Wade said, "has his dad checked to see if he's alive...maybe he isn't just sleeping in"...

yeah, Dan seemed ok... then came back from a bathroom trip with that look on his face. Some of us might remember that look from such times as: the time Dan puked on the way to the Caf, or the time Dan puked after (insert your own party here)...

p.s. there's a mice in my beer...

I, for one, am all in favor of never, and I mean NEVER, chafing Wade's inner thigh... that is all...

hey hey hey... I'm both drunk AND surly... at least when Wade isn't already filling that role...

mmmmm...deep fried candy bar... halalalmph..

I should write a gambit on the joys of finding a bathroom at work where you can poop in peace... either a single toilet, or one that is off the beaten path...

c'mon... it's nothing a little 'crat wouldn't cure!

Forget microfiche... we've got Macrofiche!!!

Wade A:

EVERYBODY'S TAKING A POO-POO!

so let me get this straight... bill murray played doctor peter venkman in "ghostbusters" the movie. lorenzo music was the voice for garfield in "garfield" the cartoon. lorenzo music was the voice for doctor peter venkman in "the real ghostbusters" cartoon. bill murray is the voice for garfield in "garfield" the movie. i think my brain just exploded.

He came to the Municipal Pool one summer when he was pitching for the Minny Stars in Austin. I was working the admissions booth, and let him in for free. He was carrying a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken under one arm. We weren't supposed to let outside food in, but I let it slide. He's Senor Smoke...
(If you didn't guess, Wade is referring to Juan Berenguer.)

yeah, i only drink the low-carb whiskey now.

la casa de anderson still maxes out at five (comfortably) for tv viewing. jason will probably be on the toilet so we don't have to worry about him.

subservientchicken.com i just told a man dressed in a chicken costume to do the worm and walk like george jefferson.? and he did.

Mad town? For frolf? Or getting some no-repercussion cheese-fed alcohol-induced wisconsin nookie? Although as I recall, large-breasted long-blonde-haired girls aren't your type. :)

that one is from my own personal collection. (of photos of naked israeli men.)

wadE-- glad to hear you finally came out of the closet and admit to being a choir. al and i have suspected for quite a while.

see you tonight.
-julia child
p.s. "you put the chicken into the ovAAAAAAGH!"
p.p.s. i'm going to hell
p.p.p.s. i'll see you there

have fun at the renissance festival, wadE. get one of those oranges that's dipped in ice cream. or whatever. and the whole turkey leg jimson. and the stuff.

let's let the sausage king of minnetonka weigh in on the change vs. chips debate. if you don't get to the quarter factory i'm certain i can cover you.

hey-- that reminds me. did you guys know that mormons believe the land of eden is actually in missouri? fort leonard wood indeed! HA!
-Wade
p.s. remind me to tell you about where mormons think the land of eden is. funny stuff!

so i'm now on day ten of having a mild-to-moderate headache all day along with periods of a fever. not enough to make me stay home, but enough to make me actually forget what life was like without a constant headache. i went to the dr. on friday, but he said it's likely a viral infection and could affect me for another week. i pound advil but it doesn't seem to work all so great.
what i'm trying to figure out is... how can i blame dubya for this?

"Local Man Announces Plans to Play Trivia, Impress Friends."

Sara A:

I'm on it!...where do I get the patent?
-Sara
(Wade)> > Exactly. We're hoping to get her face on brandy snifters.
(Alex)>Happy Baby Brand Brandy Snifters, featuring Sophie!

Bounce:

I knew that Al-ocator I sent Sue would come in handy for her :)

According to my boss and a few of my coworkers, yes I do own the official car of the WNBA...

Tho:

Six months after my brother got married he told me point blank that I should get married. That it made no sense for us to not be. No supporting reasoning - just commanded me to get married. I ignored him.

How was your trip? Are you Catholic now?

Oh yeah - you mentioned that before. Is Creed dead? Can I dance an insane little jig in my cube?

morning drive radio: punk-pop version of Bryan Adams' "Boys of Summer" followed by the Beastie Boys' "Brass Monkey"

Just reached into my bag for an advil, and came up with a sheet of pills. Immediate thought: "Hmmm. Wonder what these are. Maybe I'll just try one." They're anti-diarrheal. Whoo.

Subject: is it a bad sign
when a laser company's Safety Officer is missing three whole and two half fingers on his right hand?

floating underpants!

the sports bra and short shorts just reminded me what I wanted to email you: wow there are some attractive distance runners at Olaf.

so I showered at the new apt (nfld) for the first time this morning. Nice and hot, lots of pressure. So as I'm finishing up I think to myself "I'm Thomas Hoft, and I approved this shower." some days I amaze myself...

so we went to Southdale yesterday and I managed to exit the building without issuing a single hip-check. Boy was it tempting though. jerks.

Chelle:

I love the word bejeezus!

I think we should have cheeseballism added to the dictionary.? Shall I contact Websters?

Erica:

Alas, you're 26 and you think you've finally gotten over your fear of the dark when some darn monster nocturnal rodent ruins it for you. I suppose that's life.

Me:

i don't kiss and tell.
well, aside from the fact that i already told Wade, but then again he did predict it 36 hours in advance somehow.

Subject: Re: do you mean to tell me...
That Coomer wore a 46? Do they make a 46-Ultra-Fat?

overall, still not impressed. oh, and i got a drink in a glass that i'm pretty sure was left over from a k-mart rummage sale. seriously, it was a kitchen glass. not a drink glass.

xmas present for jason:
http://www.cafepress.com/rockpapersaddam.12387633

Yeah, so I think overall Wade A still wins the best quoteable emailer award. That text-based Julia Child impression just slays me. I'll be back with something original soon. Stay tuned.