The Baseball Rules

An e-mail discussion about the wave (spurred on by this post) with the other SP yahoos reminded me of a list I compiled for sparklegirl several years back before a Twins game. She was wondering about behavior expectations at a baseball game, and, being a dork, I came up with a list. From what I can remember, here is Wade’s Rules for Proper Baseball Game Attendance Etiquette. (Or, y’know, WRPBGAE.)

+ No wave. It’s not as cool as you think it is. If you must, do it without getting out of your seat and disrupting my view of the game. Exception: Kids. (Mostly because they’re short.)

+ No cell phones.

+ If you happen to catch a foul ball, give it to the littlest person around you.

+ If you happen to catch a home run from the opposing team, do *not* yield to the “throw it back” chants. That’s both silly and reductive (the Cubs started it). If you feel the need to get rid of it, see the above rule.

+ Wait until the half-inning break to leave and come back to your seat. This might actually be the cardinal rule for me. My reaction ranges from the stinkeye to under-the-breath “RUDE,” depending upon how much beer I’d consumed by that point.

+ Have the correct change for the vendors who sell food and beverages in the aisles. Also: Tip generously.

+ Don’t wear apparel from opposing teams or other sports leagues. Twins apparel is encouraged but not mandatory.

+ Don’t leave until the game is over. Exception: When you’re with your kids. (Mostly because it’s too expensive to keep plying them with popcorn and ice cream for three hours.)

I hope this doesn’t come off as curmudgeonly. I simply feel that one’s behavior at a game should be respectful of the people who want to actually watch the game. I’m all about the between-inning tomfoolery. Your Kiss Cam. Your Twins Triva. (Really Trevor Plouffe? You admit that “Jersey Shore” is your favorite reality show?) Your Bon Jovi sing-along. Just keep it down during the actual game-play itself; I’d like to see Nishioka strike out in peace.

3 Replies to “The Baseball Rules”

  1. Completely cumudgeonly, but that’s why we love you. Has your opinion changed on cell phones now that most folks have smartphones? Are you allowed to update Facebook with a pic you took from your awesome seats?
    Otherwise:
    – foul balls, I catch it, I keep it… f*** the children
    – can you get back to your seat after an out?
    – I have it on good authority that the vendors make a pretty tidy profit on each beer (don’t know about food), so you shouldn’t feel obligated to tip, but a buck, of the 50 cents in change should be fair
    – so if you drove to KC to watch the Twins play, you wouldn’t wear any Twins paraphernalia?

  2. Allow me to retort.
    – Sorry, no *talking* on cell phones. Otherwise you’re good.
    – Depends– can you make it back to your seat after an out? How many people do you have to disrupt to get to your seat?
    – Dude… giving baseballs to kids and healthy tipping are good karma. If you don’t do such things you might, like, end up injuring yourself while diving for a ball at some point. Ahem.
    – Yeah, I probably wouldn’t wear Twins gear if I saw them play in KC. Someone doing so wouldn’t be egregious, though; just a personal preference.

  3. If I move back to MN would I be allowed to wear Twins gear & my Blue Jays cap? Not that I would mind you, but I was just wondering if there are any exceptions. I find your list agreeable for the most part. Shouldn’t the children stay until the end so they can witness the full extent of mass exiting w/a plethora of drunken louts? Kiss cam & Bon Jovi, can’t we get rid of the foolery if not the Tom?

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