There are only 67 Minnesota Twins baseball games left to be played in the Metrodome… well, barring the post-season, which the Twins may have trouble reaching this year if their offense doesn’t pick it up a little… but I digress.

As one of the many tributes to the Metrodome the Twins are doing this year they are sponsoring an All-Metrodome team. The best Twins who have played in the ‘Dome for the past 28 years; it should be noted that the Twins played 21 seasons prior to moving into the Metrodome.

The Strib has taken their cut on who should make the team, but here is my take:

First Base: The two obvious choices are Morneau and Hrbek. The Strib give the edge to “the Canadian Crusher” but I say, not so fast. Morneau does have an MVP award, but Hrbek has taken second in that voting. The most homeruns Morneau has hit in a year, 34. The most Hrbek hit, 34. Morneau’s career OPS (On Base Percentage plus Slugging Percentage) is .847. Hrbek’s is .848. Seasons playing in the dome; Morneau: 7; Hrbek 13. Edge goes to Hrbek. In 30 years when we talk about an All-Target Field team, I think we’ll be hard pressed to overlook Morneau, but Hrbek is our Metrodome first baseman.

Second Base: I can tell you that it isn’t Todd Walker or Tim Teufel… the only choice here is Chuck Knoblauch. Although he had an inglorious end to his career, Knobby was the Rookie of the Year in 1991, once stole 62 bases, won a Gold Glove, and two Silver Slugger Awards all during his time with the Twins. And even though fans threw their Domedogs at him in Left Field (side note: I was at that game) his trade to New York was still a good move that helped get the Twins out of the 8 years slide they were on, and move back towards respectability.

Shortstop: Greg Gagne is my favorite Twins Shortstop, and he spent 10 seasons with the Twins (although I’d really only say eight) compared to Cristian Guzman’s six… but the nod has to go to Guzman. Guzman led the league in Triples three times and even finished in the top 20 of MVP voting one season. His career numbers aren’t spectacular but they are well above Gagne’s. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na…. little beard.

Third Base: While I would like to give this spot to Ron Coomer (he was an All-Star!!!), Third Base comes down to two players: Corey Koskie and Gary Gaetti. Koskie was the better offensive player, but Gaetti’s four Golden Gloves and his pre-born-again-Christian days with the Twins are too much to overlook. The nod goes to Gary Gaetti.

Catcher: I pondered Brian Harper in this spot since he batted .306 during his time with the Twins… until I realized he also didn’t hit many homeruns either. The obvious nod goes to the Baseball Jesus, Joe Mauer.

Outfield: There are a couple of ways to slice this one. You can just pick the three best outfielders the Twins have had in the Dome regardless of position, or go position specific. I prefer to go position specific (sorry Torii). CF: Kirby Puckett (goes without saying actually). Left Field: Dan Gladden… the Dazzle Man edges out Lew Ford. Right Field: … … hmmm… this is where it gets interesting. If we were just going with three outfielders, Torii Hunter would be the obvious third choice (and would get a nod above Gladden), but looking at RF for the Twins over the years: Tom Brunansky, Randy Bush, Shane Mack, Pedro “Booger” Munoz, Puckett (played 2 years), Matt Lawton, Dusty Kielmohr (platoon of Dustan Mohr and Bobby Kielty), Jacque Jones (switched from Left to Right for a couple of years) and finally Michael Cuddyer. It probably comes down to Brunansky and Lawton. They have the most time (both have six years and change) and both were All-Stars (Lawton had two, but you could argue that one of them was the obligatory pick, much like Coomer’s in 1999, and his other one was while he was with Cleveland). It’s an even race, but I give the tie breaker to the guy who’s got the ring, Brunansky gets the nod in Right Field.

Designated Hitter: Twelve. That is the average number of homeruns that the Twins main DH (as denoted by baseball-reference.com) have hit per year over the past 27 seasons at the Metrodome. It was a bit tedious to come up with those numbers, but I’d be willing to bet a large sum of money that no other American League team has a lower number than that over the same time period. While homeruns are only one dimension, and probably not a good one to judge any player on, we are talking about the DH position; a position that was created to increase scoring. The Twins have consistently wasted their DH spots on players who have no business being in the lineup for offensive reasons. I’ll never forgive the Twins for starting Denny Hocking as DH in a game. Pathetic. Anyway, my point is that I’m picking from a pretty poor set of players. The Strib gives this spot to Molitor on the back of his 1996 line of: .341/.390/.468. If that’s the case they are making I would submit Chili Davis’ 1991 line of: .277/.385/.507. Molly drove in more runs, but Chili hit 20 more homers (29 total, the most of any Twins DH). Molly was around for three years, Chili only two. But again, when it comes down to a tie, the tie-breaker is rings. Chili Davis is the All-Metrodome Designated Hitter.

Starting Pitchers: I think the starting five is: Frank Viola, Bert Blyleven, Kevin Tapani, Brad Radke, and Johan Santana (not necessarily in that order). Some could potentially bring up Scott Erickson, but factoring in longevity I would lean towards Tapani instead. Beyond that I don’t see much argument on this one. Who else belongs in that group?

Bullpen: I debated on how many relievers one would need for this All-Metrodome team and I’ve settled on one; a single setup man (since you would think those great starters could go 7 innings, right?). And that man is Juan Berenguer. He spent 4 quality years with the Twins and was far superior to any other candidates. Latroy Hawkins had some up and down numbers. Eddie Guardado actually spent quite a bit of time in the relief role before become the closer, but also had some terrible numbers. Juan Rincon was someone I considered, but because of his steroid use I removed him from consideration. And no Twins pitcher loves his fried chicken and swimming more than Juan Berenguer.

Closer: This one comes down to Rick Aguilera and Joe Nathan. It’s hard to look at the stats because Aguilera started for a year with the Twins (so his ERA is somewhat higher), and he was traded to the Red Sox during the 1995 season. So overall, I’d have to go with Joe Nathan. He is more “unhittable” than Aguilera ever was. Additionally I wouldn’t see the Twins trading Nathan away so something called Dave Stevens could save game for a year and a half.

So there you have it folks, here is your starting lineup for the Minnesota Twins All-Metrodome team:

1. 2B Chuck Knoblauch
2. C Joe Mauer
3. CF Kirby Puckett
4. 1B Kent Hrbek
5. DH Chili Davis
6. LF Dan Gladden
7. 3B Gary Gaetti
8. RF Tom Brunansky
9. SS Cristian Guzman

SP: Johan Santana

Play Ball!

Michele Bachmann isn’t as venomous as Ann Coulter, but the fact that the Sixth District here in Minnesota voted her back into office is frightening.

Bachmann’s latest is harping on a story from 2006 and trying to loop in Keith Ellison (MN’s 5th Districts representative, who is democrat, and the first Muslim elected to Congress).

Bachmann has become a darling in conservative circles and a rallying cry in left-leaning circles. I personally find her embarrassing and reaffirms some of my thoughts on those who reside in the northern edges of the Twin Cities.

However, there is one item in this article that really caught my eye:

“Later in her interview, Bachmann didn’t disagree with the host’s assertion that Ellison ‘is heavily involved in what amounts to a talent search for Muslims to fill jobs of some importance in the Obama administration.’
…
Jauert said that Ellison has ‘encouraged people of all faiths to get involved in government, to apply for jobs’ and that as part of that effort, assembled the résumés of several young Muslims.”

Replace “Muslims” with “Christians” or “Jews” in those paragraphs above, and I think people would be up in arms about it. I notice that Ellison’s spokesperson says that Ellison is encouraging people from all faiths, but he’s “assembled the résumés of several young Muslims.” Has he assembled the résumés of any young Christian or Jews… or Native Americans, or Hindus? I didn’t think so…

We here at SP have lamented at the continuing career of Sid Hartman before. I did it just about 3 years ago. Wade did it more recently.

This time though, Sid has really gone off his rocker as he can’t believe the Wild GM Doug Risebrough was fired.

What makes this one especially funny is the Strib’s other curmudgeon of a sports columnist thinks the move was long past due.

I think I’d pay good money to see a cage match between the two of them.

Interesting article in today’s news about a man who is suing the Yankees for being tossed during the singing of God Bless America. It’s a typical he said/he said, but what caught my eye was this quote: It [singing of God Bless America] was discontinued in some cities the following seasons [after 2001] but remained a fixture at Yankees games, at which security personnel and ushers use chains to block off some exits while it’s played.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090416/ap_on_re_us/bba_yankees_lawsuit_3

I work as a Project Manager for a living, although I’ve been known to use other names for my profession. At any rate, one of the tenets of project management (and this is more widespread than the PM domain) is what we refer to as the Iron Triangle: cost, scope, and time.

When I worked as a consultant I had a corollary of that tenet that applied to the projects we had: location, people, and the work. Much like the Iron Triangle, you need two legs of that triangle to be pretty solid. For example, if I had to travel to a terrible place (middle of nowhere Ohio) I better at least be working with great people and the work better be interesting. If not, it makes for a pretty miserable project. Now that I no longer travel for work, I’ve been struggling with coming up with a new triangle. However, “people” is definitely one of those legs. At my current employer, the people is not a leg I would consider “solid”.

Thankfully I have one person who I can commiserate with who is near my age, and more importantly is very close in age mentally (i.e. we both have the maturity of 17 year old boys). One of our pastimes at work is to complain about everyone else. Since we do it often, and we do it over email, we’ve come up with obscure nicknames to ensure that anyone who comes across our email has no idea who we are talking about.

Here’s a sample of some of our nicknames, enjoy!

FIGJAM – by far and away the best nickname we’ve come up with. For a definition see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FIGJAM. It’s a perfect nickname for this guy at work. He is the classic bully. He’s all bluster and underneath he is incredibly insecure. He is the first to tout every little thing he does and has referred to himself as a “hero” before, in the sense of him trying to save a project on a downhill slide. But if you criticize him at all, he becomes defensive and curls up into a little ball.

Cecil III – This is really an unfair nickname for this person, as there was a Cecil II and a Cecil. However, this woman does it in the same seat as the original Cecil, and is also quite adept at weaseling out her work responsibilities.

Cecil II – Earned that nickname shortly after she arrived. Not only was she replacing the original Cecil, she was nearly as annoying and also very adept at avoiding her work. She was very open about her private life, and talked more about that than anything work related. She was a breast cancer survivor, who was *very* into the 3-Day Walk, but also was a smoker who bordered on two packs a day.

Cecil – Nobody beats the original Cecil. The nickname was one of those classic nicknames that evolved into something completely unrecognizable. Without giving away her identity, Cecil is a shortened version of another word that associated with something else that was an extension of her last name. I don’t even know where to start with this woman. She loved telling people about how she was related to Abraham Lincoln and Tom Hanks. She was a very conservative Christian who didn’t believe dinosaurs were real. Here are some good quotes I found by digging through old emails:
“This is just the beginning of the iceberg”
“I am just wonderful”
Conversation between her and a coworker in the next cube whose wife is expecting their first child around June 1st:
Cecil: June First is a great birth date
Co-Worker: Huh
Cecil: June first is a great birthday; it’s my dad’s birthday
Co-Worker: June 30th?
Cecil: No! JUNE FIRST… the 30th? Ha! She’d be dead by then.

Ummm… what? How is that an appropriate comment? Is she referring to his wife, or the kid? Regardless, what a horrible thing to say.

Beyond supposedly being related to Lincoln she was convinced that she was eligible to be a member of the DAR.

LC – Short for “Ladder Climber”. When we hired this guy, one of our colleagues interviewed him and recommended that we don’t hire him because he was someone who was looking to climb the corporate ladder, and that’s one thing that really doesn’t happen here. People really don’t go anywhere fast. But that doesn’t stop him from trying to step on others on his way to the top. I also lobbied for the nickname of “American Dad” as he looks like an average dad from any sort of teen focused movie/TV show.

Little and Big McLoud – My co-worker and I used to sit next to each other in another part of our building and over the cube wall from us sat a mother and daughter who both seemed to be deaf as they had the loudest conversations, even though they were 8 feet apart.

Cougar – Was for a manager we used to work with, and it stemmed from one of our rare work-sponsored events when her husband showed up. He was significantly younger and better looking than she was. Sort of shocking actually.

WBE (Worst Boss Ever) – Thankfully this isn’t my boss, but my co-worker’s boss. He is what would happen if a micro-manager and a seagull manager had a child. Age that child 50 years and give him bad interpersonal skills, and he is what you would get. He is an excellent project manager, but couldn’t people-manage his way out of a wet paper bag. While he isn’t actually the worst boss ever, he certainly isn’t very good.

So that’s a sampling from my office. Feel free to share some of your fun and creative nicknames for people at your place of work. Those that you use behind their back are encouraged!