click here to read about former heavyweight champion mike tyson’s sentence for felony cocaine possession and misdemeanor DUI.

no, wait– let me save you some time. iron mike’s sentence? 24 hours. tyson’s jail term is a lifetime in relative terms, when you compare him to lindsay lohan (84 minutes) and nicole richie (82 minutes).

while i’m not a proponent of locking people up for exorbitant periods of time and assuming that will make them productive members of society… do you really think that the next time tyson is drunk and thinks about doing some coke, he’ll consider the repercussions of another 24 hours in the hoosegow? doubtful.

oh, and in case you’re scoring at home, arizona guidelines dictate up to six months for the DUI and three years for the cocaine possession. i guess mike tyson’s strong background and character dictated the light sentencing, huh?

Welcome to the 7th Annual Austin Bar Crawl!

It seems that each year we get later and later in publishing, but that’s because … ummm … ok, so I can’t even think of a poor excuse this year. But as always, you get what you pay for.

If you are unfamiliar with the ABC please check out our previous misadventures from 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, and 2006. Good ol’ Austin… The Mecca of the Trifecta… Fat… Drunk… Stupid.

Sadly we were back to the 2005 lineup of Matty, Wade, Alex, wadE, and Jason. No Dan again this year. But we pressed on as he would want us to do.

With that being said, come join us as we relive (for better or worse) the 7th Annual Austin Bar Crawl!!!

http://www.simpleprop.com/7th-annual-austin-bar-crawl/

having trouble coming up with gift ideas? does your list include people who a) love japanese culture and 2) are weird? do i have some ideas for you…

clicky-clicky. (SFW assuming people who sit around you aren’t offended by plush dolls in the shape of poo.)

if you’re looking for gifts for me, i’m really liking:

#13 – golf putter with a golden penis on the tip
#10 – Japanese Scooby Doo-equivalent action figures, comprised of Sadslab, Baby Sauron, Raging Emo, Yellowturd and Soulglutton
and, of course,
#1 – Cock Bloc building block system

Here are two players’ career stats (batting average, on base percentage, slugging percentage):

Player A:
.280/.329/.455
Player B:
.256/.303/.446

Player A is long-time Wade A favorite Jacque Jones.
Player B is Craig Monroe. The Twins just traded for him, which leads me to wonder why they’d trade for a right handed Jacque Jones. Although I’m sure he’ll look great compared to Tyner in CF.

That said, as long as this isn’t the *big* offseason acquisition, it’s not an inherently bad move, as Monroe has hit for 20+ home runs the last four or so seasons.

The other news is that increasingly I’m seeing that the two biggest free agent pitchers on the market are… drumroll please:

Carlos Silva.
and.
Kyle Lohse.

I think the Twins could probably buy Belize with what they’d get in return for trading Santana if those are the best other pitchers available. So I hope they’re at least exploring the idea.

As a friendly “heads up” to all of you SP fans (all 5 of you) I as the “Editor-in-Chief” and “money man” of simpleprop.com I made the executive decision last year that when the registration of our website expired on November 15th I would transfer the hosting from register.com to our good friends who host the content of this site: dreamhost.com.
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